I Stalk Knitters

A REAL post. With Pictures!!

2011-07-24T08:47:00.001-05:00

So I finally have a moment in between my busy schedule of school and...well, school, to post the pictures of the room makeover. I cannot tell you the difference it's made in my general well being. It's soothing to be in here now and I no longer feel as trapped. No, the trapped feeling won't go away until I have graduated, have a job and have become a useful member of society again, but it's been lessened and that's huge.

School is awesome. Not because I adore my instructors cuz that is sooooo not the case. School is awesome because I've already met some amazing people and I've actually enjoyed getting to be around people again. I finally feel like a lot of the anxiety and panic has gone. I'm not 100% but then I may never say I am again because we all know that when I do I end up right back in the crazy so yeah, not 100% but having a DAMN good time talking to people again.

What? Oh! Pictures! Right. Sorry. You know me, I ramble. Shut up. Here ya go!! Pictures of the room makeover with commentary! Comment away. :)

I still have shelves to put up so I can get my dragons back in the room (and out of Mom's dining room, don't judge me) but otherwise, it's such a vast improvement that I'm very happy with it. A huge thanks to my folks for putting up with it and helping and to my nephew, Dylan, for being a champ during the whole process.

P.S You there. Lurker McLurkerson. There's a comment button below. Click it. Say Hi. Stop being creepy. That's my job, dammit.

Quicker note:

2011-07-18T19:31:00.000-05:00

Holy hell, I am exhausted. I have one class that is apparently self taught and another that thinks homework is a present. plus not sleeping well doesn't help. I know, I owe you pictures and stories. They're coming, I swears it!!! Right after I read this next chapter, make a study guide and figu...zzzzzzzzzz

Quick note:

2011-07-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

There's been a room makeover and there are pictures! Also, today was the first day of class so yippee! Also, I am on my way out the door to meet up with my nieces for what is sure to be hell at first but then fun. Midnight Harry Potter premier. I swear I will post something interesting and picture related this weekend. I swear it on my stash. Oh yeah, shit's gettin' real in here.

Wait...What?

2011-06-17T20:44:00.001-05:00

So, I'm 39. WTF? Anyway, I've been 39 for a couple of months now so I should be over it but recently it's kind of been slapping me in the face like a loose boob during a random jog. Wait...know what? Nevermind. We'll just roll with it.We all know I'm bat shit crazy by now.

So, I know I've said it before, that I promise to blog more and blah blah bullshit blah so I'm not gonna make any promises here. Can't make me. But I have found recently that I wanna write and the whole reason behind me ignoring the blog is feeling that my life is boring as shit, which it is, and feeling like I had nothing to talk about, which I don't. So...umm...I'll be blogging...things. Random shit. I know the title of the blog is I Stalk Knitters, and maybe I should change that since I'm not stalking a damn thing. I am currently knitting and crocheting multiple projects but only because I've had some time freed up recently since I no longer spend all day, everyday talking to Cory. We broke up. It's a long story and one I may get to at some point. Or not. Whatever. Just please don't do the whole, "OMG I'm so sorry are you okay men are assholes you're better than that anyway and he never did deserve you!" thing because that's all I've heard the last couple of weeks. I'm fine. Really. He and I both saw it coming, we haven't seen each other face-to-face in 2 years and it seemed ridiculous to continue calling him my boyfriend. Granted, he took the chicken shit way out of it but again, long story.

So...I'm going back to school. Again. I still haven't been able to find a job as a medical assistant because our economy blows so more schooling works for me. Mom and Dad are being kinda awesome about their sick lump of a daughter nesting in their house for the duration of school. I'm finally going to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. Dammit. I mean it. This WILL HAPPEN. I start classes on July 14th. Do too! I'm uber excited which seems like a good thing until you realize I'm excited about doing math! You can't even use the "well maybe she just likes college algebra" excuse for me since I'm 2...TWO classes from even being in college algebra. I am math stupid apparently. I got through MA school with a 4.0. But my math skills are lacking. English? I tested out of every English unless I plan to major in that shit. Nice to know I can handle my own language. Wish I could handle 2+2.

So essentially, this blog will start to be me rambling about...things. I will eventually post what projects I'm working on, but I'll most likely keep note of how school is progressing, my frustrations with financial aid, how neurotic I become about my grades and stuff like that.

Oh! I also decided to make a fresh start in my room. I know it may not sound like much (omg she's gonna clean something??) but I quit smoking back in October. No cigarettes for me for 8 months, people!! So, my nephew who adores me, as he should, is going to come over and I plan on taking every single thing out of this room, cleaning it one thing at a time to remove 2 years of dust and nicotine. Then rip up the carpet, paint the concrete floors an aubergine purple, paint all the trim a nice clean white and paint the walls a really pretty pale sea green. Possibly replace the ceiling fan. Depends on how much of the nicotine and tar I can get off the damn thing. Did i mention I was sitting in this room smoking 2 packs a day before I ended up with Congestive Heart Failure? Yeah....it's bad. I'll break out the camera and take pics of the progress. It'll be fun for everyone! Well, except my nephew who will do most of the work but he's 18 and i'm paying him with a trip to our favorite Chinese restaurant, dammit.

Speaking of food, I've been playing around a lot with cooking and finding a LOT of joy in it with the whole we-have-to-eat-healthy-even-if-it-kills-us thing because we have 2 heart patients living in the house. I'm a heart patient, y'all. Shit is stupid scary. Granted, I haven't really kicked in the whole Angie-needs-to-get-up-off-her-fat-ass-and-move thing yet. I have lost weight. A total of 35 lbs since last October and that's just from the water weight and healthy eating bit, so moving? Actually moving for at least 30 mins a day? Angie could be getting her sexy on. Not that I really give a crap about being a size 2 or hell even a size 8. But y'all, for Christmas my mom got me a really pretty skirt and shirt set. Size 18. It's tight but I got that shit zipped and buttoned. I haven't been able to do that since I was like 17. Oh yeah, we like it. I'll be happy with an 18 looking good on me! I will rock those 18s. Hells yeah. Which bring us to why I mentioned the cooking; I may post recipes as I make things up in my kitchen for us. If I find something healthy and delicious, I'll pass it along. Pinky swears.

Anywho, I think I've rambled enough for now. You're pretty well caught up on what's going on. You haven't missed much but coming soon? Changes. Me, out and about again. Doing things. With people! Making new friends. Reconnecting with old friends which I have also been trying to do more of. And I'm starting to ramble again. See? I NEED to write, I'm just too damn stupid to realize. Okay. Laters! Bye! Smooches and shit! ♥

Oh, one last thing. Is it bad form to demand my hat and scarf back? I loved that damn scarf. *pout*

Still Here.

2011-03-31T16:40:00.000-05:00

There's a post. I need to read through it, but there is a post, I've just been busy. That almost said, "I've just been busty." That would have been awesome. Anyway, I will try and read through it tonight and get it posted. I haven't forgotten you guys, I swears.

For those of you bugging me in MSN, Facebook and e-mails, thank you. It helps to know you care. Sincerely.

Oh, and if anyone wants to add me to FB, please feel free. I am easier to keep track of that way. :)

Angela Ingham Hughes. (zomg she put her full name on teh interwebz!!!!) haha

Denial

2011-03-11T16:20:00.001-06:00

I got denied my disability. I need to talk to Cory but I won't call him at work and lay this kind of shit on him. My head is just so ugly right now. I've actually tried to think of ways to get out of seeing friends coming into town next week. It's hit me that it may be another 2 years before I see Cory again. I'm not sure I can do another 2 yrs without touching him but I obviously can't afford to go up there and he hasn't even started the process for a passport and even if he had I couldn't do anything to help him come down for a visit. I've even thought that he deserves so much better than someone who has become nothing but a financial drain on those she loves and he should, by all rights, dump my sorry, useless ass and find someone else.

I sincerely wish I could just fade away right now. I can't think of one single person that wouldn't be better off. Every part of me is screaming to start pushing people away. Delete the blog. Close my Facebook account. Stop logging into WoW. Stop logging into MSN. Turn off the cell phone. Crawl into bed and just never leave again.

I hate that I've been crying for well over an hour now and nobody has noticed. I hate that I've been sobbing so hard that my entire body shakes, but I've become so practiced at doing this silently that anyone listening would just think my allergies were acting up. I want to scream. I want to be held and told everything is going to work out. Told that things will be fine even though the ugly voices in my head are whispering that things will never be as I want them.

I'm trying. I really am fighting here but I'm so tired. The disability was going to pay for the doctor's visits, my meds...that kind of thing. Now it's all on my parents still. The letter said that according to their findings I could still work as a sales clerk. These people have obviously never worked retail. Fuck them. I'm not even a person to them, I'm a file. They don't know me, what I'm going through or what I've gone through. I hate bureaucracy so fucking much.

Good News! Finally!

2011-03-10T22:38:00.000-06:00

So I finally got approved for my Gold Card. This is exciting because it's a HUGE help to me for several reasons. What the Gold Card does is allow people who live in Harris County, where Houston is, get affordable health care. It's almost like having an insurance plan in that those who qualify only have to pay a nominal co-pay for clinic and hospital visits. They cover primary care physicians, specialists, hospital stays, dental visits and I'm researching to see what else they may cover, such as vision since I'm blind as hell.

This means I can get a doctor that I see on a regular basis that will monitor my conditions. This means a cardiologist if deemed necessary to monitor my congestive heart failure. This means...

THIS MEANS A CT SCAN FOR MY LUNGS!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!! Cheer with me, folks!!

It's not my disability yet, but it's a start. It means health care for me that won't break my parents in the meantime. It means diabetic testing supplies we can afford. It means visits with a certified nutritionist for education. This means...a lot, guys. I cried with relief when I got the letter.

So things are looking up! Yay!!!! Now if my disability would just come through. Keep up any prayers or well wishes. They are so working!!

♥

Lovey Dovey Crap. No, Really.

2011-03-05T11:55:00.000-06:00

So the title should really be a warning if you pay attention at all. Sorry it's been a bit since I posted but I've just had a lot going on with nothing worth posting. Still no word on my disability or Gold Card so still no CT scan on my lungs or anything. I promise to update if anything on that front changes. The depression crap is still waxing and waning as it wants to but hasn't been as bad the last couple of weeks. Hell, I shaved my legs yesterday! Woohoo!!! I just hate that it wore me out to do so and I think that's the worst part of all of this. The physical exhaustion is just....hell.

I plan dinner so I can cook it in stages. I can empty the dishwasher, but I need a break before I can then place the dirty dishes inside. Then I need a break before I go back and wipe down counters and the stove. Forget sweeping the floor because my back just won't handle it. It's not even my lower back! It makes no damn sense, but my upper back pretty well always feels like it's on fire and doing anything for more than 10 minutes makes it try to knot up and the skin in that area goes numb. What...the...fuck!? It only started doing that after the CHF hospital stay, too. So shit that I could do just fine before that, I can't now. I've talk to the nurse practitioner at the free clinic but she has no clue what could be causing it. Blarg, dammit. Just blarg.

So, first two paragraphs not so lovey dovey. Maybe I should change the title. Nah, fuck it, we'll do the lovey dovey crap now. Turn away if you have a weak stomach. Seriously.

So during the 10 years of my marriage, T and I spent a lot of time saying the words, "I love you." Not once did we ever say WHY we loved each other. I find that a lot of couples are like that but wouldn't it be wonderful if someone actually told you why they loved you? What is it about you that they find so endearing? Talk about a confidence booster to actually hear why they adore YOU and not the drop-dead gorgeous brunette sex-pot that sat next to you on the train that day! Imagine having someone take what you see as faults about yourself and put them in a new light. Yeah, that's good stuff.

No, this isn't going to be a brag-fest cuz Cory did this for me. This is a brag-fest because I sat down and wrote out a few of the things I love about him. I say a few because it would take years to figure out all the reasons I love him. And I hate romance. It bugs the shit out of me but he makes me go all doe-eyed at him. So the remainder of this post is to him. You can read it or skip it. You can also go write to the person you love and make their day.

I decided to write this because while I boost your ego a lot, what I want boosted is your self esteem. Not just because it would make you a healthier, happier person, but because you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Am I biased? Possibly. But there had to be something about you to get me to the point of BEING biased, right? Right??

You tell me that people don't like you except to appease me in some way or because of me in some way. You have friends and acquaintances in life that have absolutely nothing to do with me. If you don't have more friends it's because you're simply a very private person. Even with me there are aspects of your life and your past that you keep to yourself. Not a complaint, simply an observation. I figure you’ll share those things when or if you’re ready to.

You tell me you’re weird. Yes. Yes you are. I love every minute of your oddities. It means you’ll always be interesting. It means you’ll always keep me guessing. It means you’ll always be able to make me burst into surprise laughter. I don’t see this as a flaw. If anything it makes me love you more. Every time you’ve ever done something that others would see as “odd” or “weird” it just makes me smile because it means you’re just being you, something I encourage at every turn. It’s rough because you can’t see me all the time when we’re together but if you could just see how often I smile because of you and your “antics” I think it would make your head spin.

I have heard people say jokingly, and you’ve told me you’ve heard it in all seriousness, that you’re perverted. Thank you, God. A man that is open, honest and exploratory in his sexuality. A man that’s willing to try different things and keep life interesting. Your “perversity” has allowed me to open up and be honest for the first time in my life about my own sexuality and not be afraid to ask for the things I want because someone will think I’m weird. You’re the first man who has ever made me feel like a real woman. The first man to ever make me truly feel wanted. You’re the first man to ever make me feel as if I deserve more. If that’s perverted, then I am so grateful to be in love with a pervert.

You once told me that your brothers got all the brains and the looks in the family. I call major bullshit on this one. I’m considered pretty intelligent, but at times you blow me away with the way your mind works. You ARE intelligent. You’re creative and inquisitive and just because you don’t always conform to the directions your family or society thinks you should be taking doesn’t make you stupid. It makes you independent. You speak slowly and concisely. Others may see this as a flaw, but it’s one of the reasons I find your voice so soothing. It’s the first thing I noticed about you. I love hearing you talk. You know this. As far as your brothers getting all the looks, go buy a mirror. You’re not exactly a train wreck. I used to think you were cute. I did. Thought so the first time I saw a picture of you from the Toronto trip. You’ve been upgraded from cute a couple of times since then. Biased? You bet your ass. There’s a reason I stare at you on web cam. When you smile, really sincerely smile, it’s breathtakingly beautiful.

I love every quirk you have. Yes, some days you irritate the shit out of me but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Yes, some days I roll my eyes at your antics, but I still smile because I love you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t say to myself “Jesus, I love this man.” and marvel at just how much I do. People are tired of hearing me say it. I just don’t care. I’d shout it to the rooftops if I could. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

I love your personality.

I love your mind.

I love your body.

I love your voice.

I love you.

Oh Yeah. Here's a Title and Stuff.

2011-02-25T10:15:00.001-06:00

For those of you wondering about the results of a CT scan, there hasn't been one yet. I'm not sure when there's going to be one. See all previous posts about not working or having insurance for the last 4 freaking years. *sigh* I have my moments where this absolutely terrifies me with everything going on with my health but I can't let it run my life, so I'm not gonna let it. I am, however, gonna bitch about it. I simply don't understand the amount of time it takes or why there's been no human interaction here. These people don't know me from Eve and yet they are making important decisions about the future of my health care. I've been at this since October! I've been divorced for 2 years, I haven't worked in 4 years, I have diabetes, hypertension, congestive heart failure, severe back pains, vertigo and now a nodule on my lung. I'm not lazy, I'm sure as hell not stupid, I. Just. Need. Help.

I don't even need permanent help. I'm not looking to be on disability for the rest of my life. That thought is just waaaaay too depressing to contemplate. I have things I want to do but I just can't do them right now. In the meantime, I'm draining my parents dry with the buying of my meds, specialty diet and, hell, just day to day things like soap and laundry detergent. Disability would help there. I could buy my own meds, my own food, give them gas money for running me to doctor's appointments...the list goes on. I miss my independence but I'm hanging on. Some days are good days.

Tuesday...Tuesday was a good day. Cory and I had turned on the web cams to chat so que the conversation format! Don't worry, I'll start after the gross, lovey-dovey giggling bits (usually by me):

Cory: Blogged recently?

Me: Yesterday recent enough?

Cory: I s'pose so.

Me: Say, I need a pic of your scarf. I forgot to take a pic of it before I sent it to you and now I can't blog it cuz I don't have it.

Cory: Want me to go get it and you can just take a screen shot? You know it'll be forever before I actually get around to taking a pic otherwise.

Me: Yes!! *Does a happy puppy butt wiggle cuz now I get a pic of the scarf and my Canadian*

Then...then he comes back into view. Oh, he's wearing the scarf. It just happens to be the only things he's wearing. Thankfully (maybe, shut up, don't judge me) it's long and covers up the ~~yummy~~ naughty bits. I absolutely died laughing. He didn't just make my day, he made my whole damn year. Yeah, I took screen shots. You would have too, don't lie.

So, with a little liberty with MS Paint, here is Cory's scarf. With a smidge of pale Canadian background. It makes me smile like an idiot.

P.S. Stop trying to look below the picture edge. Pervert. You were too!!

And So We Continue Our Story...

2011-02-21T15:56:00.001-06:00

Previously on I Stalk Knitters:

Graduating from school! (yay!) Job market sucks! (boo!) Panic attacks and anxiety! (boo!) Still head over heels in love with a Canadian! (yay!)

This brings us up to speed into October of 2010. At the beginning of October, little brother Frankenstein (who is 19 now and so not little) said that what he really wanted for his birthday was for me to visit. How do you refuse that?? So I talked to my folks and borrowed my dad's car to head to Austin for a few days and visit. On the 13th of October I thought I was coming down with something because I was having a really hard time breathing. Not constantly, just sudden attacks like I had asthma, which I do not. I, being me, ignored them because that's what I do! Plus I was so not letting my little brother down and I hadn't seen everyone in over a year, dammit. So off I go to Austin to see my other, non-birth, family. It was a fun week with all the singing and messing about, but I had to sleep sitting up the entire week. Walking outside would send me into some sort of holy-shit-I-can't-breathe thing but other than the breathing? I felt fine! No fever, no sluggishness, no weakness. It was so weird.

So after the birthday festivities and such, I head home on October 20th. The next evening, I get out of my desk chair, where I had been leaned back and trying to sleep, and go into my dad's office because, once again, I can't breathe. I just went in to have someone to bitch to. He decided I needed to go the emergency room and ignored my wheezy protests. In I go and immediately back to a room I go and they hook me up to all kinds of fun machines and pump me full of all kinds of fun drugs and make me have to pee every 15 seconds and the bathroom is down the hall. These people are sadists. On one trip back from the bathroom the doctor follows me in with my diagnosis.

Dr.: You have CHF.

Me: No, I don't.

Dr.: That means you have Congestive Heart Failure.

Me: I KNOW what CHF is. I just don't have it.

Dr.: I'm afraid you do.

Me: I'm afraid you suck donkey nuts. Huge ones.

I immediately look at my dad and say to him, "Go home. Go in my room. Find every carton of cigarettes, my cigarette case, every lighter and my ashtray and get them out of my room. I'm done. I quit. No more smoking for me." I was instantly terrified. For those of you unfamiliar with CHF, it basically means that my blood pressure was so out of control and that my body was retaining so much fluid that my heart and lungs were surrounded and weren't functioning properly. Yeah, I was trying to die on accident. Wait, I failed suicide and now I'm gonna ACCIDENTALLY die? Fuck that noise. No thank you. I still have shit to do. I spent 3 days in the hospital that were a blur to me. Basically I had deprived my brain of decent oxygen for long enough that I had mild dementia for a week or so. Then, because I was stupid enough to say yes to having a Foley catheter put in, I had a sever kidney infection for a week or so. Stupid hospitals. Stupid infections.

So now I am a heart patient. That hasn't worked or had insurance since T and I got laid off in March of 2007. Well.....fuckerpants. There have been some good things come of this. No, really! I promise! I have a plan. I have things I still wanna do, dammit. I still wanna go back to school. I still wanna import my very own Canadian and make an honest man of him. I'm not done yet, dammit. Yeah, I have my days where I am really down. I also have my days where I am determined. Today is a determined day, obviously. In the 3 days I was in the hospital I dropped 25 lbs. All water weight and I had NO idea I was that bad. My body looks WEIRD to me but I am working on losing more. Slowly, but working. I am cooking and eating healthier and it pisses my dad off. He LIKES his junky food and has been sneaking fast food when he goes out. He doesn't think we know. He's not really that sneaky for a private investigator. Did I mention that after I moved in he had a series of 7 (SEVEN) heart attacks? Yeah. I've been under a smidge bit of stress here.

I've also been working on getting my SSI disabilty because I'm in no physical shape to work right now and who is going to hire a very recent CHF patient? I'm a walking liability right now. I've also been working on getting the Harris County Hospital District discount card, called a Gold Card. It's basically a form of insurance for low income/no income individuals and family. Thank the gods my family lives in Harris County. I've also been going to a free clinic here in Katy and they have been wonderful. They can't treat my CHF, but I am at least back on all my meds and my numbers are looking good. My folks are still buying my meds though and I'm slowly draining them dry between my meds and needing a specialty diet. Cooking with diabetes AND staying heart healthy isn't cheap because this country fails.

I haven't had a cigarette since October 21st. I've only craved one MAYBE 3 times since then and all I have to do is remember the terror I felt upon my diagnosis. Most days I simply forget I ever smoked and people, I was smoking 2 freaking packs a day up to that point. So praise God for huge miracles. If you've ever smoked, you'll understand that.

I called Cory the first day I was in the hospital so he wouldn't panic:

He answers the phone and I say, "Hey, sweetie."

Cory: Where are you? Are you ok?

Me: I'm in the hospital. They admitted me last night.

Cory: So what's the diagnosis? What did they say was causing the breathing issues??

Me: It's bad sweetie. (I start crying)

Cory: You're scaring me. Really scaring me, just tell me what the doctor said, please.

Me: I have Congestive Heart Failure. They said I was minutes away from a heart attack or stroke.

Cory: So that means meds, rehabilitation, therapy, better eating and exercise. right?

Me: Yeah, I guess so.

Cory. Okay. That's not bad.

Me: Excuse me??

Cory: You're alive, love. So long as you stay with me we can get through anything.

So then I cried harder. I honestly expected him to bail. Think about it! Perfect opportunity to say, "Oh hell no I don't need this shit." and just walk. He's in Canada, I'm way down here. I have a crap ton of health issues and can't find a job. And he's still with me. No ignoring the fact that he truly loves me. He even apologized for not being able to be here with me. I am SO keeping him.

Now on to the latest thing. With my disability stuff, Social Security sent me for evaluations to 2 of their doctors. The first one was for depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I managed to actually have a panic attack while sitting in their waiting room. I panicked and fled to the bathroom. Fun times. The other was for the CHF, back issues and vertigo I seem to have developed since then and that included an x-ray. A week or so after that one I got a "courtesy call" from their office about my x-ray.

Nurse: I'm calling as a legal courtesy to inform you of your x-ray results. A 1.3 cm nodule was found on your lung and we recommend you find a pulmonologist, have a CT scan taken asap. They will determine if a biopsy is necessary from that CT scan and you should have a follow-up scan every 6 months for at least the next 2 years.

Translation: I'm calling because I legally HAVE to tell you that you may have lung cancer and should have that looked into. Kthx bye.

Apparently my life has not been interesting enough. I REALLY need that disability and discount card to come through now. Dear God, I know you don't give us more than we are able to handle, but dammit, maybe you have me confused with someone else?

So, how you guys been?

Where The Hell Are We??

2011-02-18T13:36:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine suggested I may wanna pretty things up a bit around ye olde blog and I had been thinking about it, so i did. It was easier than I had feared and I would love knowing what you think. In that I also mean you can suggest changes you may want. I only post here, YOU have to try and read it. Need a bigger font? I'm on it cuz I'm blind as a bat myself. HATE the color scheme? I'm always willing to play around and change things to make it more soothing. I draw the line at neon, though. If you want neon do it to your own blog. Ugh.

As previously mentioned, I have been going through a lot in the last umm...well, few years, actually. I have failed at stalking knitters during that time, but you know what? I'm keeping the title. Both of them, mine and the blog's. I mean, yeah I lost touch for a while but I did keep SOME contact with people through Facebook, so technically there was SOME stalking going on. Hah!

Now begins the difficult task of trying to decide where to start. How far do I go back while still moving forward and not just confuse everyone in the process? Pfft. I'll do what I always do. I'll start typing and let my mind ramble on like a crazy person and we'll just see where we end up, shall we?

Since I know some of you are wondering my yarn status, I did some crocheting last year and made some little pot holders for a future kitchen I plan to have but other than that, I just haven't felt the desire to pick up yarn. In fact, and this is going to be difficult to read for most of you, my yarn is packed up and placed in the storage shed at the moment. I'll give you a moment. If you have to switch web sites for a bit to recuperate I'll understand.

Everyone ok to move on? You sure? Ok, then you need to know that my knitting and crochet days ARE NOT OVER. In fact recently I have been feeling the bug to pick my hook back up. This is a good sign! It means I'm getting back to me. It also means Cory has been riding my ass (and not in that oh so fun way) to get back into crochet, knitting, singing and spending more time away from this damn contraption. He's such a good boy.

So previously at Casa de la Stalker I posted that I was going back to school for medical assistant. I did graduate (with a 4.0, thank you) but the job market around here SUCKED. I basically spent last summer going on interviews where my panic attacks slapped me in the face and I looked like an over-eager coke addict looking for a paycheck or a crazy woman that seriously wanted to stick people with needles please can I stick the pretty people??? Well, that's how my mind pictures me anyway. I'm pretty sure it wasn't THAT bad. Or it could have been. Piss off. I am now making a pouty face at you.

We're going to leave it here cuz I just don't feel like getting into what happened in Fall of 2010 yet. We'll just leave it with 2010 sucked major donkey balls and next time we'll get into details about the size of said donkey anatomy. I am pointing out, however, that this is officially another post. Can I has a cookie now? =D

Some changes were made per comment suggestions so I hope it's easier to read now. I cannot stand a solid white web page as it kills my eyes so I compromised. I am now in the process of fixing all the old posts that had light colored (coloured for my non Americans) text in it so it can be read.

So I Remembered My password for Blogger...

2011-02-17T14:49:00.000-06:00

Hi! It's me. Fail Stalker. I'm not even sure if anyone is even out there, but here's the deal; yeah, I know I did it again. I disappeared for over a year again. At least I'm consistent on that front! Yes, the depression is back in force and I'm wrestling with it daily but Cory insists that writing about it and getting it out of my system will help. And he has a point in that. What if it doesn't help me, but someone reads what I'm writing and it helps them? They realize they aren't alone in feeling this way and that there's hope? It'll be worth it to throw my crap out in the wind at that point. No, I'm not looking for sympathy or platitudes or a pity party. I do the pity thing all by myself just fine so I don't need to drag you down with me.

So I plan to write either daily or every other day. It's really not like I have jack shit else going on, ya know? I will get you guys caught up on what's been going on with me since the last post and it's likely to get personal so if you don't wanna know THAT much about someone else's life, please don't get offended and just move on. If, however, you enjoy a good train wreck and can't seem to look away, hop on board!! There will be love, pain, hope, disappointment, resolution, fear, tears and laughter. In other words, this WILL be about life. There will be times that I joke about my situation or my health so I ask that you please don't berate me "for not taking things seriously, dammit!" This is how I cope. I joke about things when they get bad. If I can make light of my situation, then I'm not so far down the black hole of hell that I can't get back out, ya know? It's my affirmation that I can spring back from the bad shit. So...yeah. I'm back. You're stuck with me again.

Muahahahahahaha....

*To be continued...*

About A Boy

2009-09-26T18:24:00.002-05:00

Warning: This is a long post. There is subject matter that may not be safe for work if people read over your shoulder. Also there will be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much personal information involved for some of you. But hey, for me this is sorta like therapy. You've been warned.

On December 14, 2005, I created an account for, and started playing, World of Warcraft (henceforth known as WoW). For those of you unfamiliar with it, it's an online game where millions of people log on and play online. We create and control characters through leveling and questing and friendships are made, broken, grow into relationships and beyond. These friendships cross over into the real world and I know of at least 6 couples who met on WoW, someone moved, they got married, and have children now. In the game people form guilds and in May 2006, I joined a guild called Legacy of Khan. This is where I met The Canadians. I capitalize it because this group of people have been my friends for well over 3 years now and they've seen me at my worst and helped me get through it. So here's the cast as it sits now. Hey, this is my story I can tell it how I want.

Shanna: Exceptionally beautiful and kind Canadian.

Jordan: Shanna's best friend and co-worker at a call center. (Not gonna lie, I sorta had a crush on Jord for a while. I got over it. I was married.)

Joe: Shanna's brother.

Alex: NOT a Canadian but became Shanna's boyfriend and later husband. Lived in Kentucky. He and Shanna are now happily married in Ohio. He's a total hottie.

Rob: Co-worker of Shanna and Jordan.

Now, in game, I went everywhere with these guys. Some days I felt like the little sister following her older sibling and their friends around, even though I am older than these guys. 7 years older than the oldest of them. But these guys became my friends. We talked to each other everyday on a program called Ventrilo that allows you to talk over the internet. Now towards the middle of 2007, I was really getting into my depression, my marriage was a failure, and I was unemployed. I made WoW my life. I left the computer to occasionally sleep, shower when my clothes began to disintegrate, or eat when T demanded food. That was it. Otherwise I was on WoW and talking to these guys. They had no idea how bad things were because on vent I was laughing and joking and lying my ass off about how things were at home. In game we do these things called raids where 10 or 25 players all get together and work on more difficult mobs as a team for better gear. We raided 3 nights a week and I NEVER missed a raid. I lived for them. I let it consume me because it was so much better than what reality had become.

I think back now and all I really remember was WoW and raiding was fun. Reality consisted of fighting and crying. Now y'all, when you're married and having troubles, intimacy tends to fly out the window. My marriage didn't have a WHOLE hell of a lot of intimacy to begin with but honestly at the end when we would argue about the last time we had been intimate it was ridiculous.

Me (usually crying): Why do I stay if you don't want me?

T: But I do want you.

Me: No, you want my cooking and sometimes cleaning.

T: I love you, you're my wife.

Me: No, I'm your roommate! Spouses have sex every once in a while.

T: We do have sex.

Me: ......

T: What?!

Me (usually screaming): We haven't had sex in 5 fucking years!!

T: It's only been 4!

Seriously? Really??? Yeah we could argue about the number of YEARS, people. Not days, week, even months. Years. And honestly I had given up. I no longer wanted the intimacy because I knew I would just lose it again. It never stuck around for long and it hurts worse to have those few moments of what should have been a constant only to have it withheld again and again. So there was no intimacy, we stopped talking, we didn't do things together, we fought about every little thing it seems...yeah my marriage had been over for a long time. I look back and realize now that a lot of my depression was me mourning the death of my marriage. So I hid in WoW. I lived vicariously through The Canadians and existed.

Now around the Summer of 2007, another co-worker of Shanna and Jord's started playing on the same server as us. They helped him level and catch up to us and he started raiding with us. I don't think I ever helped him level any. I believe I was just much too busy raiding to be that helpful to anyone. So into the picture comes Cory. Cory, at the time, was, to me, a friend of theirs. I got along with him and he fit into the group well, but I wasn't really interested in getting to know him. Yes, I was a selfish bitch, I know. Can we move on now? Thanks.

So in game you gain reputation with different factions by doing what are referred to as daily quests. Cory and I started doing dailies together and started talking. He was fun, as flirtatious as me and we have the same sense of humor. Yay! A new friend! He is also a fantastic listener and I found myself opening up about my problems and he listened. He never gave advice, he was just there for me. Now, Cory speaks softly and slowly. He's articulate and thinks before he speaks so at times there's a pause before he responds. I cannot begin to describe how soothing this was to my raw nerves. As soon as I'd hear him say, "Hi there!" I would just relax. It was like slipping into a warm bath after a hard day. He always made me laugh and yeah, in a way I used him. He was the balm I needed during that time. I've already apologized to him for using him. Don't judge me. During this time, Shanna and Alex got engaged. Shanna asked me to be in the wedding. I promised to do everything in my power to make that happen.

By the summer of 2008, I considered Cory to be one of my best friends. He and I discussed anything and everything. Then his computer broke. I no longer had access to him. This...this drove me insane. The game wasn't the same. My refuge was gone. I snapped out of my happy realm and ended up facing reality. It was ugly, y'all. Reality sucked balls. I left T and at the end of 2008 I was staying with Laura and family. One day Rachel told me Cory was back. I had my computer over at the house but I was trying to resist the lure of playing WoW again so I just had her tell him "hi" for me. This lasted for about a week and a half. I missed talking to him. I logged onto vent to talk to him and that was all she wrote. I had my happy place back. I had seriously missed the sound of his voice. I had missed our flirting. He let me talk about things that were going on with T and he always urged me to think about what I truly wanted before making any final decisions. He never once told me to end it. I guess it was around October of last year, a couple of weeks after I had told T that I wanted a divorce, that Rachel (my "sister" via Laura) teased me about liking Cory.

Rachel: Why can't you admit you like him?

Me: Like who??

Rachel: Duh....Cory.

Me: Oh whatever. He's my friend, crackhead.

Rachel: You do so like him!! Your face lights up when you talk to him!

Me: You're retarded. I can't fall for my best friend.

Rachel. That's how it's supposed to work, dumb ass. Your spouse should be your best friend. Besides, you can totally tell he likes you, too.

Then I started thinking about it. I DID like this guy. Well shit. I'm still married, well, legally anyway, and my self image is in the shitter and he LIVES IN CANADA and I live in Texas and.....well shit. I decided that if I was ever going to really live again I was going to have to grow a pair and put myself out there. So I told him. I did too. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. His response? "Interesting...."

Wait....what? No matter, I let it drop. We went back to our flirting. But his flirting took on a new tone. I realize now he was being sneaky and seducing me. Yeah, it worked. Shut up. We both knew I was going to Canada in May for Shanna's wedding and began talking about how cool it was going to be to finally meet our best friend in person and I couldn't wait to give him a hug for having been such an awesome friend through all the shit. In November I moved in with my folks since my dogs and most of my crap was there anyway and began making plans to go back to school. I was ready to get back out in the world but Mom and I were going to Cozumel again in April and I was heading for Canada in May, so getting a job and going to school had to wait until I got back. When I got back to my folks and had all my computer stuff set back up, Mom asked me a question that was probably a bad idea. "I have this web cam I don't use, do you want it?" Hell yeah.

I made Cory go buy one. We began playing online games like cribbage and dominoes and turning on the web cams to talk. We discussed hobbies, books, movies, politics, religion, our childhoods...we put forth a lot of effort getting to know each other better. We talked every day without fail. We spent hours talking, joking, laughing, flirting and playing and it just was never enough time. My nephew started calling him my "Canadian boyfriend." I would yell at him to cut it out because I was still legally married. Yeah, I took my vows pretty damn serious. As it was there were times I felt I had no right to be talking to Cory because I wasn't divorced yet. It was too late. I was pretty damn hooked on him already.

We began really looking forward to May but neither of us wanted to do anything to mess up our friendship. We had a LOT of discussions about what would or would not happen when I got up there. I had already decided I was going to stay a little longer after the wedding to spend time with him and get to know him in person. He seemed pretty keen on this idea. We started out with, "I just wanna meet my friend." It progressed to "The possibility of something happening is there but I won't be divorced yet so hell no." Adultery was so not on the menu, thanks anyway. By the time April rolled around the plan became me getting there the Wednesday before the wedding to spend those days helping Shanna finalize things and then spending a full week up there with him after the wedding. Sex was definitely a possibility. We weren't ruling anything out but we weren't flat out planning on it either. Yes, by then we had planned on him staying at the hotel with me for that week but you never know what will happen once you meet face to face, right?

A week before I flew to Canada, Cory disappeared. He quit logging onto MSN, WoW and Vent. I went into a panic. My thoughts ranged from, "His computer broke again" to "He's changed his mind and doesn't want me and oh shit what have I gotten myself into." My best friend, Pamela, got me through that week. Kudos to her because I was a mess. I believe my end of one our conversations where I was crying went, "What if he doesn't want me and he's changed his mind and I don't know if I even have a hotel room because he's booking it and paying for it and I don't have any way to talk to him and I am such a fucking idiot for falling in love with him and I miss him and....." whoa. Yeah. I said it. I meant it. Especially the fucking idiot part. So by Sunday of the week I was flying out I got desperate. I looked up his mom and stepdad online, got their home number and left him a message with his mom. Oh c'mon! Don't act shocked. I'm a stalker, people!!

He got the message not 2 minutes after I hung up with his mom and he logged into MSN. Yes, I had a place to stay. He had just "gotten busy" that week so hadn't been around. I let it slide. I knew he had been thinking things through but I didn't want to deal with it just then and I knew I planned on making him talk about it while I was up there. So off I fly to Canada. He had promised Shanna to stay away from me until after the wedding because those days belonged to her. I was not amused. I mean, I got to see him that Thursday night because her bachelorette party was guys and girls since, like me, the majority of her close friends are guys. I must admit, I was a smooth and suave individual that night. I was talking to our friend Rob, who I was ever so excited to meet, when I saw Cory walking to us. My face fell and I think I went white. Rob said "Just breathe, you're gonna be ok." I responded, "Am not!! I can't do this."

He was standing below us on the floor of the pool hall so I got brave and walked down the steps, walked over beside him, bumped my shoulder into his and said our standard greeting of, "Oh hi." We smiled at each other and my brain shut off. If anyone spoke to me for that few seconds I didn't hear them. The world went a little gray around the edges, not gonna lie. Yeah, I'm cool as a cucumber. So we all proceeded to the small party room to shoot pool and socialize. It was awesome to get to finally meet these people, but weird as hell seeing people I had only known online for 3 years. I spent the night trying not to be obvious in my drooling over Cory. Cory spent the night walking up behind me and running his hand along my neck, my lower back, down my arm or, when we were sitting, along the side of my leg. I jumped every time he touched me. I think I squeaked a couple of times. Yep! Suave, that's me. He spent the evening being seductive. I spent the night jumping at shadows. I handle romance so well.

At the end of the night we were all standing in the parking lot and with out me getting any say in the matter, it was decided that Cory was driving me back to the hotel. Lemme tell ya, this did NOT calm my nerves. We got into the car and he hands me a sack with something in it and says I can't look at it until after he's dropped me off. We stopped so I could grab some bottled water for the room and then he took me back. We sat in the parking lot and talked for a bit when he got this devilish grin on his face and said, "Ok, look in the bag. I wanna see your reaction."

Now for a little back story. Back in February for Valentine's Day, I got the best freaking gift ever. Cory sent me an invite to start viewing his web cam. I accept said invite and as soon as it shows up, he's standing there, comPLETEly nude holding a heart shaped box in front of him in a very strategic manner. I laughed until I cried. Best Valentine's Day I've ever had.

So inside this bag he's given me is the heart shaped box he had held up that day. I laughed all over again. In my roaring laughter I realized there's something in the box. It's not supposed to rattle. I open the box and it's full of condoms. Ya gotta hand it to him, he's creative as hell. So I get out and head up to my room with my now box o' condoms and he heads home. He held true to his word to Shanna and I didn't see him again until Saturday at the wedding. He went with us for the picture taking. He stopped and got bottled water for me. He stayed at my side and was a perfect gentleman the whole time.

We get to the reception and I am warned, "The wedding protection promise is wearing off. Wedding stuff almost over." This scared me a bit. Cory comes up to the bridal table where I'm seated several times and runs his hand over my neck, scaring the shit out of me and making me squeak. The table he was sitting at held him and 2 of my other friends so they enjoyed his teasing as well. This game did not seem get old for them. As soon as dinner was over and I felt free of my bridesmaid obligations, I headed for the fun table. Not to say that the bridal table wasn't fun, because it was, but it's just not where I wanted to be for some reason. Hmmm. Luckily the bride understood and was surprised I had stayed as long as I had. The rest of the evening may has well be titled, "The Seduction of Angie" because he spent the rest of the night driving me insane. Planting small kisses down my arm, across my neck, holding my hand and playing with my fingers, running his hand along my exposed back. He's good. I gotta give him that.

At this point all I will say is he came back to the room with me and helped get the 45 bobby pins out of my hair for the oddity that was my up do for the wedding and then he spent the rest of my stay in Canada with me. It was, without a doubt, the most amazing week of my life. Sunday we had brunch with the newlyweds and our other friends and went to a movie with them. Tuesday we only left the room long enough to walk the block to Tim Horton's for coffee and take a short walk. We weren't even gone for 2 hours. He drove me around to places that were beautiful and places that held meaning for him. I took a thousand pictures. I met his family and we watched movies in the basement cuddled on the couch, snuggled under a blanket. We slept in each others arms and professed our love for each other.

We both cried when I left. We still talk every day without fail. Plans are being made for him to move down here to be with me. He's supporting my decisions about school and wants to help me make it happen. He's excited about the turns my life has taken. We have the same sense of humor. We like the same things for hobbies. He understands my need for yarn. He knows how to cook. Seriously! I love this guy! How could I not? So yes, out of pain and tragedy I have found love again. When I thought my life was over due to divorce I realized it's just beginning again. I'm starting over fresh. Have I had my doubts? Of course I have. At first I doubted my feelings. I doubted the timing. I have fears about the future. I never once doubted his love for me. So, without further ado, meet Cory.

You'll be hearing a lot about him, I'm sure.

Wait....Another Post?? Whoa,...

2009-09-17T10:32:00.001-05:00

I know! I'm like a mad woman here with another post within the same month and shit. I am a bit afraid, however, that this blog may turn into a bitch fest about whatever current instructor I have that likes to write notes on the board, turn around to discuss them and stand IN FRONT of said notes then get pissy because you didn't write them down. Hello!! MOVE! Gawd! He also misspells key medical terms and says bullshit like, "That's the British spelling." Jerkface. Medical terms are based on Latin and Greek. They are spelled the same around the world. Your dumb ass just can't spell. And another thing! He got mad at us for not knowing a disease he didn't cover with us. What?? He thought he covered it, but he didn't, and because we didn't know it he called US dumb. Seriously? Look Professor Fuckerpants, don't get mad at us because you come to class ill prepared and can't give us notes in any comprehensible order. But seriously y'all, I'll do my best not to let this turn into that sort of blog. Just let me know if I start failing, okay?

So I'm trying to decide between 2 posts because they sort of tie into each other but doing both stories at once would make for a hella long post. The question is, would you guys rather hear about the Canada trip? OR Do you wanna know the low down, nitty gritty on Cory? Yeah, there's a guy. He's my best friend. Has been for a few years now. He's crafty, y'all. He's tried knitting and crochet, cross stitch, quilting and does woodworking. CRAFTY. He designs things. I knit him a hat and crocheted a scarf for his birthday and he got a little teary eyed because I MADE him something instead of just going and buying something. Yeah, he's a keeper. But enough on him for now or this will just turn into the Cory post, and I have to go study for 2 tests today. After next week I learn how to give shots. I'm gonna be sticking needles into people. *SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!* I'm such a dork.

P.S. Thanks to all of you that commented and/or sent emails. Knowing that you care helps heal scars. It may not seem like much but for people who have gone through depression, knowing they were missed and receiving a kind word means the world. I've missed you guys.

Is This Thing On?

2009-09-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

Wow. So....hi there! I highly doubt anyone will actually read this, but for those of you still clinging to the possibility that I might post again some day, here it is! I'm thinking about restarting the blog but I'm not making any promises. I just felt you guys deserved an explanation of just where in the hell I dropped off to. So, be prepared for a rather long post with possible follow up posts until the story is told. It's a doozy, y'all.

So that depression thing? Yeah, it turned into severe depression with anxiety, panic attacks every time I left the house, severe suicidal tendencies..the whole kit 'n' kaboodle! Cuz, when I do something I go all out. No messing around, no sirree bob. Not this girl. By golly, if I'm gonna be depressed I'm gonna be close to being institutionalized! *Ahem* So, yeah. Hmmm....Let's go back to when I thought I was better. I was better. For a couple of weeks. I did amazingly well for a couple of weeks. Then it all just seemed to come crashing down on me again. I honestly don't remember what all happened. I have almost 2 years that are a complete blur to me. Seems that happens when you aren't really living life, just existing day to day. I did a lot of hiding in World of Warcraft. I still play, but mostly out of boredom and....well, we'll get to the other reason a little later, shall we?

So, I played a lot of WoW. I slept when I couldn't stay awake any longer, ate when I just simply had to or go into a diabetic coma and played WoW. That was my "life" for over a year. The ONLY people I talked to were my online WoW friends because they had little to no idea who I really was or what my life was like. It was a safe haven to hide in. My health was in the crapper, T's health was in the crapper, our house looked like a crapper and I didn't wanna fix it. I was tired of fixing things. I was pretty well tired of everything. I didn't want to talk about it. I sure as shit didn't want anyone to KNOW what was going on. I didn't even talk to my folks during this time. God forbid anyone should know what a failure at life I was. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not a failure, but oh damn did I ever feel like one.

See, the Bell's Palsy (see last post made before I came out of hiding THIS time) didn't send me deeper into my depression. What DID was me sugar coating what happened during that time. See, the story I posted is the pretty version of what happened. I did that a lot. What happened, if you read between the lines, is I thought I was having a stroke. My husband dropped me off at the door of the emergency room. He never even turned off the car. Didn't escort me in. Didn't stay to make sure I could cope with this. He dropped me off scared to death. I didn't see him again for a couple of hours and that was after they had transferred me. My parents, driving MUCH further than him, got to me before he did. The three days I was in the hospital getting tests done? He came to see me once and that was because I begged him to bring me yarn so I'd have something to work on and a change of clothes. When he came to pick me up from the hospital I felt like it was an inconvenience. Those if you who have spent any time in a hospital know how long it takes for them to discharge you. He was angry because he had to wait. I honestly felt he didn't give a two bit shit about me anymore. Whatever it was we had left at this point, it was not a marriage. I just kind of fell further from there.

I began having panic attacks every time I left the house, or the phone rang, or the doorbell rang. I could not handle reality poking it's head into my ugly little world. I realize now that the panic attacks when I left the house were because I might have seen someone who knew me. They'd ask me how I was. I wasn't sure I could lie anymore. I knew my face couldn't. T was pressuring me to find SOMETHING that made me happy even a little bit. He bought pots for me to paint thinking that would help. I went through the motions but it's hard to be creative when you're to that point. Crocheting and knitting was just a reminder of everything I thought I had lost. He told me I should find a job to get out of the house and maybe that would help. I went on one interview, shook like a junkie the entire time and had to pull over and vomit on the way home. I just couldn't do it. To top it off, T had informed me around the beginning of 2008 that he was not just hearing voices, but communicating with entities with his mind. I will not say what entities because it's a moot point. Trying to talk to your husband and watching his eyes go vacant because he's hearing someone else? Then he chuckles at something you didn't say? Yeah.....couldn't handle that either.

So I guess it was around June, 2008, that all this came to a boiling point. And by boiling point I mean I was sitting on our love seat alone, he was out in his office, and I was crying. Sobbing to be exact, because I was holding a loaded .38 revolver loaded with hollow point bullets, safety off and I was oh so very seriously considering painting my walls red, white and chunky instead of the fresh white they were. Hey, it's my suicide I can joke if I want to. What kept me from doing it was all the faces of the people I had stopped talking to. Friends and family that loved me and would be devastated by my cowardice. So I put the safety on, unloaded the gun, put it back where T had so carefully hidden it and told no one. About a week or two later the realization hit me; I didn't want out of my life. I wanted out of my marriage.

I needed time away to pull myself together. I needed to fix what was wrong with me before I could even consider fixing my marriage or my husband and his issues. So I went to visit Laura/Mom. I told her everything. I went to visit my folks. I told them everything. A week later, at the end of July, I left. I cried the entire time. T never had a clue until I went out to the office and packed up my computer out there and told him. By that time I had all of my stuff out of the house. I got to my parent's house that night, buried my face into a pillow and I cried. I screamed. I ran to the bathroom and threw up repeatedly. Then I cried and screamed some more. The next morning my face was so swollen I could barely open my eyes. I spent most of that day on my anxiety meds, pain meds and kept ice on my face to bring the swelling down. It was, without a doubt, the most miserable 48 hours of my life.

I honestly just wanted time. Time to figure out what I wanted, time to figure out where I wanted my life to go, time to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I didn't get that time. T insisted on knowing how MUCH time I needed. When was I coming home? Why was I doing this to him? What in the hell was I thinking? None of which I had the answers for. How do you put a time limit on pulling yourself together? All we did was fight and scream at each other on the phone. He kept asking me if there was someone else. He would rather think I was cheating on him than to face the issues we had. The issues I had. In September I told him I was done trying. I wanted a divorce. It was devastating.

I slowly started gaining control back over my own life. 2008 was pretty much a complete wash. I didn't come even CLOSE to pulling my shit together until the beginning of 2009. In February of 2009 my mother threatened to kick my ass if I didn't get out of the sweat pants I was living in. In April of 2009, my mom and I spent another week in Cozumel, Mexico. It was the most relaxed I've been in years. In May of this year, I spent the most amazing 10 days in Kingston, Ontario, Canada. Y'all, Canadians have it made. (If you love me, bring me Tim Horton's coffee, k? Extra large, 4x4, sweetener and creamer. Thanks!) I was worried about the Canada trip because I was meeting people I had only known online (granted for 4 years now) and I was in a wedding for one of these people, PLUS it was the first time I was going to have to be truly social since all the depression crap started. I never had any sort of panic or anxiety. In fact, I haven't had a panic or anxiety attack since the day I left that house. Please, please don't get me wrong. I am so not blaming T for our marriage falling apart. It took both of us to royally fuck that up. No one person can be that detrimental to a relationship. No way. I promise I'll discuss the Canada trip at another time, cuz ya'll....seriously that was an AMAZING week for so many reasons.

Anywho, once I got back from Canada, I made a really fast decision about my future and decided to follow my dream of going into the medical field. I'm in my 4th month of school. I'll be graduating next April as a Medical Assistant. I am currently maintaining a 4.0 average and once I graduate, I'll be working and going back to school again. Deciding between nursing (my forever ago dream) or becoming an ultrasound technician. As of June 12th my divorce was final and I am a single woman again. Well, sort of, but that's also a story for another time. Am I out of my depression? Who the fuck knows. How the hell can you tell? I may never say I'm out of my depression again. That just seems to piss it off and bring it back with a vengeance!

What I do know is that I'm happy. I'm happy with my life as it is. I'm happy with the direction I'm heading. I'm happy with the choices I'm making. I'm excited about my future and what it holds. I still cry when I talk to T. I still cry when I think about my marriage failing so badly. But it's not every day. It's not even every week. And I don't wallow in it. I get a little teary eyed and realize that this is what's best for me. I'm finally taking care of me and it feels good, and it feels right. I'm a lot calmer now than I used to be. I think I may have been just a smidge manic at times during my depression, but these days I don't get that way. I'm on a pretty even keel.

So....how you guys been?

It's an update!

2007-10-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

Seriously! I know. I'm an awful blogger. I'm an even worse stalker, but I'll beat myself up about it later. So, it's been a really craptastic year. Yay! Maybe it's over! *giggle* I know, I've said that before. Here's the deal. Depression sucks ass. Honestly. I promise. See, when you're normal and semi happy and life goes on, you're at a certain point on the happiness scale.

Now, this tips up into the happy range as it should, but individual results may vary. When depression hits you, you slam down into that bottom box and you float around there in that black box for a while.

Now, the problem with depression is that area between depression and life is ok. See, when you start climbing into that box, you don't realize that it exists! You think, "Yay! I'm in my good box!" only you aren't. You are here.

Now, this crazy box and the depression box are where I've pretty much spent the last year. I hate this area. This area is misleading. That's right, you heard me, crazy box. I'm totally onto you, dude. You make me think it's ok when it's really not and I think I'm back to my old self and I'm still not and you suck. Anyway, who wants to know where I am now? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? Oh, hi! There you are. Here's my scale, folks!

Yep, I am coping! I dare say, I've even landed in happy a few times over the last few weeks. What, you may ask, has brought about this red block/arrow goodness? Near death scares will do WONDERS for your attitude. They really will. Allow me to e'splain.

Timeline: Thursday, October 11th at approx. 11:30 pm.

Lead in: Hubby and I have watched a movie together and eaten Chinese food that was hot enough to strip the top 3 layers of skin off your tongue. I am in the computer room (shocker, I know) playing WoW and talking on vent. My face, feels weird.

Conversation Topic: My face.

Me in vent to WoW folks: Hmm...my face has gone all weird.

Guys: "Your face is retarded." "We've known this about you." "And?.."

Me IVTWF: Shut up. I hate you guys. BRB.

Me to T: Baby, there's something wrong with my face.

T: You finally noticed?

Me: Shut up. I hate you. I'm serious, look.

T: What the hell is wrong with your face??

Me (looking in mirror): Ok, this is bad. The right side of my mouth isn't moving. We have to go to the emergency room.

T: We don't have insurance, dear. Plus, it's probably just a reaction to the Chinese food.

Me: Food reactions don't paralyze your face. Stop being retarded. What if I'm having a stroke?

T: You're over reacting.

Me: Do you wanna drive? Cuz I am going. Fuck insurance. My face is broken.

T: *sigh* Fine.

So off we go to the emergency room all of 5 mins away. I am kinda getting scared at this point. T realizes it's late, and we just left the house windows all open. He goes back to close up and in I go.

Me to Chick at Window: Hi, I need you to take me seriously cuz I'm getting scared. The right side of mouth isn't working and I know that's a sign of a stroke.

Chick at Window: Please go sit down in that chair right there and don't move.

C.a.W. proceeds to run in the back like her ass is on fire. Comforting. NOT!

Now, five (yes,5) nurse come running out of the back with a wheelchair, an I.V. line to stab me with and all other sorts of implements of torture. They are checking pupils, asking me to smile as big as I can and asking me 10 different questions each. All while putting me into a wheelchair, starting an I.V. and wheeling me into the back. Multi-tasking at it's finest. Then they call the hubby to let him know that, "why yes, it could be a stroke and we're moving her here and please bring all of her meds up here for us then you can go to your wife in a totally different city, thanks!"

T calls my folks, who live 45 mins away. T calls Mom (you know the one.) to let her know as well. I honestly don't remember who got to the hospital first. I just feel sorry for anyone on the roads in the way. So, 4 days in the hospital, an ass load of tests that seemed to consist of lots of my blood and shoving my little round body into even smaller round tubes over and over to scan for a brain. They found one. *whew*

I now have Bell's Palsy. Look it up. This is a long post and it's wearing me out. I'm too damn lazy to link it. It's much better than having had a stroke. I promise.

T is afraid that having my face broken is gonna send me deeper into the depression. Only, no, not so much. There is nothing like having something this big fall in your lap to give you that shot in the ass you need to wake up and realize life is worth living. I can handle stress but it sets off the Bell's Palsy so I'm just not letting things get to me. I quit smoking. I was in the hospital for 4 days with no cigs. Might as well, right? T screams at the game he plays and it causes me to shut down. T spends most of his day out in his office now away from me. This...this has made the biggest difference. I love my husband, but damn that man is annoying. I can play music as loud as I want, and I do. I can sing and dance around the house while cleaning or crocheting, and I do. I get dressed every morning cuz the steroids I'm on have me hyper so if I feel the need to get out, I do. T and I have gone walking every day together and we're enjoying it.

I just found out on Friday that I was approved for a state funded school program with a local junior college. I'm going back to school. I'm planning on taking accounting. Good money, I love math and it's something I can do from home in the future if I need to. I've decided to live my life how I want to. I've decided to do the things I really want to do. Hitch a ride folks. Everyone is invited but if you don't hold on, you may get left behind.

Happy Birthday, Christina!!

2007-08-08T15:42:00.001-05:00

Props to Christina who is taking time out on her birthday to get me posting again.

Hope you get everything you want today.

Thirty-Five

2007-04-19T11:31:00.000-05:00

I figure we should have a post for April. At least one. Hell, there might be two! I know! Hold onto your bobby socks for the excitement never ends here. First off I wanted to say thank you for all of the support you guys have given me. The comments, the e-mails, the e-cards...you guys are awesome. For those of you who wanted me to get help, I've actually been on depression meds since October of 2006. I recently switched meds and they have been helping a lot, it's just easy to slide back into a slump. I have also been seeing a physchologist for the same amount of time so I do have someone to talk to. She lets me call her anytime I'm feeling way past the point of no return so that's a huge help.

You guys are gonna love this one. After I wrote the last post things definitely changed for the better. I got up, got in the shower, actaully washed my hair (the combing took 45 minutes. We won't be discussing that again, k? Thx) and loaded up the car to head to Mom's. You know the mom I mean. Her second oldest son is diabetic. I can't hide shit from her. She took one look at me and started the nagging. She made me eat. She made me sleep. She made me regulate my sleeping pattern. She's such a cold hearted woman. God bless her. I'm on a normal sleeping pattern of going to bed by 2 am, sometimes earlier and up between 9 and 9:30 am. I relax through my first cup of coffee and when I go back for my second one, I leave the cup on the counter and go get dressed for the day. Get my second cup of coffee and wake up further. Have I mentioned I suck at waking up? I do. Nobody talks to me for the first hour I'm awake. My brain no worky yet.

Yes, I drink too much damn coffee for my own good, but going for coffee gets me up and moving. That's the key. Hubby helped me figure it out. He's awesome. So, since I get up for coffee here's the pattern. Get up, set cup on counter, wash a sink load of dishes. Go back with coffee. Get up, set cup on counter, put away dry dishes, go back with coffee. Get up, set cup on counter, sweep the floor, or more dishes, or start laundry, or switch laundry or whatever. I go outside at least twice a day. Once to always check the mail and stop and enjoy the sunshine or listen to the rain or just listen to the wind in the trees. I make myself stop and enjoy the day for what it is. The other time I got out every day is to see Bonnie and Clyde out back. T spends lots of time with them but I never did like backyards much. I'm a front porch kinda gal. So, outside is good.

I also leave the house at least twice a week. I go look at the little shops downtown or just head to Wal-Mart to browse around for 30 minutes to an hour. It's out. It's progress. Also, I have clean spoons people! And plates! And pots and pans! It's kinda nice. I'm cooking again since there's more eating now. I'm finding healthy things to cook and eating more salads again. Also, once you start eating? You stay hungry. What the hell? Before I wasn't eating and I had no appetite. I just wasn't hungry. Then I went to Mom's and she had me eating and I swear I am hungry all the damn time now.

So yesterday was my birthday. Daddy called and sent me pink, potted hydrangeas. Momma called and sent me an e-card. Mom called and little bro and sis told me happy b-day. Sachi sent me an email. My best friend from high school sent me an e-card. All in all, a pretty damn good day, folks. 35 may turn out to be a damn good year. Things have been looking up the last few weeks and I like the trend. Do I think the depression is over? Not by a long shot. Do I think I won't end up back in a slump? Hell no. But I am trying. I am making little changes and trying to keep up a routine. I'm looking for a job and sending in the resume. Hell, I even bought a new quilt set for my bed so the bedroom would be brighter. More Spring-y. It makes a difference.

Funny story before I head off. Yeah I know, long ass post, huh. So the week of Easter my brother and his family came in from California. T and I went down for a day and my other brother joined us all at a restaurant for dinner. 10 people make quite a crowd. So anyway, after dinner we were all talking in the parking lot and joking around.

Small side story: My dad collects aluminum cans for recycling. He's a fanatic about it. He stops on the side of the road all the time for cans. It's like a passion for him. Wierd, but ok. I would stop for yarn.

To continue, in the parking lot of said restaurant was a soda can. My dad was already sitting in his car so he asked T to grab it for him. There was the typical family teasing about my dad's obsession with cans. Dad, T and both nephews are in the car to head back to the house. The rest of us rode with mom. So as the rest of us are still standing there talking, dad starts to drive off. We're watching them drive away of course and all of a sudden the soda can mentioned previously comes flying out of the back window. We lost it. Then dad hits the brakes and nephew has to get out of the car to retrieve said can. He's laughing so hard he can hardly stand up. Over all the laughing we can still hear daddy yelling "What the hell is wrong with you? Get that can, son!" This sends us laughing even harder. Oldest Brother actually sits on the ground he is laughing so hard. I can hear T laughing in the car. I thought momma was gonna hurt herself. T and I discuss said tom-foolery on the way home and I had to pull over from driving as T tells me he was the one whole stole the can out of the cup holder in the car, passed it back to my nephew and convinced him to throw it out. I still laugh at the image of the brake lights coming on for daddy's can. Good times. Good times.

In parting I leave you with pictures. I know! Yay!

Tinker likes the new quilt, too.

Tinker's favorite spot is in my kitchen window. Ahhh, signs of Spring.

Yes the fan is holding the window open. Told you it was an old house.

My birthday present from Daddy.

Plant is up on a shelf to keep away from Tinker who has already knocked it off the table which is why I have pink hydrangeas in the window of my kitchen. This is why his name is Tinker. He tinkers with everything. Eh-vah-ree-thing.

Also if you enlarge the photo to see the plaque on the wall to the right of the hydrangeas, it's one of my wedding presents. My mother-in-law painted that. Talented woman.

Am I Going Crazy Yet?

2007-03-30T12:47:00.000-05:00

I haven't been posting a lot recently. Oh, you noticed, huh? Damn. Well, to be honest about it, it's because my posts are supposed to be witty and full of funny sayings and conversations had. There hasn't been a lot of that and I didn't want this to become a chronicle of my depression but sometimes ya just gotta share even if nobody really wants it. This is gonna be one of those posts where I sit here at my desk and cry and make typos because of the tears so if ya wanna skip it, please do and we'll see you on a better day.

I'm tired, folks. So fucking tired. Depression for me is like hanging off the edge of a crumbling cliff face and someone has a tight grip on my wrists. Some days I'm gripping their wrists as hard as I can and digging into anything I think my feet can find purchase on because I want up So. Damn. Badly. Other days I'm kicking and screaming because I want them to let go. For the love of God, please let go. Just let me fall. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't want to fight. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live this life anymore. There's nothing good left in it. Then there are days I'm not even holding on. I'm just hanging there. I don't really care if they hold on or let go. I don't even want that decision.

I'm still not taking care of myself like I should. I'm definitely not taking care of my house like I should. I used to be so anal about my bathroom and kitchen floors. I'm not quite sure what's on my kitchen floor right now. I just quit looking at it. I'm diabetic but there are days I don't eat at all. It's not worth the effort. I don't know when I last did laundry. I guess you don't have to do laundry if you never leave the house. I occassionally look around and think to myself, "Damn. When did I get so lazy?" I spend all day at the computer watching TV shows online or playing puzzle games and smoking way too much. That's not like me. I don't knit, crochet, paint, go to the movies or anything I used to love doing. I don't stalk knitters and my husband is nearly having to drag me into Guild Wars to play with him. I still play World of Warcraft (a lot) but most of the time because it's just habit to sign in.

I sometimes wonder if I'm using the depression as an excuse to be lazy or if the depression really is that bad. How do you know? I'm no longer denying that I have depression but I don't think there's a 12 step program for it so admitting it doesn't really help so much. Is there a clue to where if your thought processes go in a certain direction you can tell yourself, "Yep. You're THAT depressed. Congrats. Now get the fuck out of it"? Is there a chart somewhere? Why does everything seem to take so much effort anymore? I'm not sure I have a clean spoon in the house. Don't ask me why that popped into my head but there it is. I don't think I have any clean spoons. Not sure about plates either. I know T went and bought paper plates last week. That might be a clue. Also, I think my scrunchie may be tangled into my hair. I don't know. I do know my hair is out of my face and that's a good thing.

I feel like I'm on auto-pilot. I feed the cat and clean his litter box. I make sure the dogs have water since T feeds them. I check the mail and pay the bills. BUT I don't have any sort of schedule. If I did would that help? I stay awake until my eyes go blurry. Sometimes that takes a day or so. Then I fall into bed and my mind goes 10,000 miles per hour with thoughts of stupid things like "Do we have any clean spoons and will I have to cut the scrunchie out of my head?" and then I finally fall asleep and I sleep an entire day away and I wake up and it's dark outside so I check the dogs water and check the mail and feed the cat and clean his litter box. Otherwise I am sitting right here. I've had a full tank of gas in my car for 2 weeks now. The same tank of gas.

When I do sleep I'm sleeping on top of my comforter. I don't remember the last time I slept IN my bed. One night I just grabbed a sheet from the hall closet and threw it on top of me as I collapsed into bed. I've been sleeping like that for weeks now. I'm just so tired. Am I going crazy yet?

Peek A Boo!

2007-03-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

Well hello again. Update time for everyone. Yes, I know I disappeared again. I know I'm lax in my stalker duties. Everytime I get through a rough spot I think "Well, ok, that's over. NOW I'm done. NOW things are all better and life will be normal again. Yay!" Only, not so much. I never realized how hard depression hits and how often you backslide and how easy it is to do so. But I'm here now! No promises that it's a permanent thing but things are definitely looking up. I actually went on a job interview today with our local energy coop company. I'm really hoping I get it. If I don't get out of the house soon I may have to kill T. Yes, I love him but damn....months of being together 24 hours? Nope. You'd wanna kill him too. Also, the coop is literally 4 stop signs from my house. Niiiiice.

So...hmmm....what's happened since the last post. Well, Bonnie, our female catahoula, slipped her choke chain that kept her in the back yard, went into the front yard and chased a huge truck on the street, bit the tire and got rolled. She's ok now but her left front leg is now useless to her. She took a lot of nerve damage. Luckily the mailman saw it happen, knew who she belonged to and came banging on our door. Gotta love a small town.

So, both of the big dogs in the back have now had accidents involving vehicles. *Sigh* Bonnie no longer has any interest in leaving the back yard, but Clyde gets out everynight still. He just hangs on the front porch and barks if anyone walks by. He's made friends with the new neighbor puppy and visits him all the time. He likes the mailman and doesn't bother him in the morning when he delivers the mail. He doesn't bark if the local neighbors are walking by, but anyone he doesn't know from his routine gets a stern barking. Also, trash. He has picked up a bad trash habit. Ya know how dogs will roam the neighborhood and dig through peoples trash? I could live with that. That's normal. Clyde goes to other peoples houses and brings home ENTIRE bags of trash so he can go through them at his leisure on our front porch. There's nothing like stepping out in the morning and finding baby diapers everywhere. Pleasant thought, no?

Also, you guys have Christina (again) to thank for this here post. She normally has the hubby poke me for her to get my attention. She found a way around that. The mail system is evil. She send me a card that I opened and smiled when I saw it. It's rather pretty.

Then I opened it and laughed until it hurt.

Friends who refuse to give up on you are a pain in the ass and the most awesome thing ever.

Stalker Goes Domestic

2007-02-07T16:56:00.000-06:00

Back from Oklahoma but tired. I did get to talk to Christina today though, on IM (ok, actually, I'm still talking to her shhh don't tell) and I got to meet Lauren today on IM who is a lurker here at Casa de la Stalker but funny as hell. Hi Lauren! Also, I think I scared the poop out of her when I answered her IM. That's what dreams are made for folks. Scaring the poop out of people. She also invited me on up to a Stitch 'N' Bitch but Pennsylvania is a bit too far and a bit too cold. Besides, the next state I visit needs to be Washington so I can meet the neato folks there. Also, I think if I go somewhere else first Christina might hurt me. Just saying.

I hadn't planned to post today cuz I was tired from hanging some shelves all by my lonesome with wall brace thingies that required drilling and everything but y'all Christina totally didn't believe that I hung shelves. And I did. And I even put them up even and stacked shit on em already and they didn't fall out of the wall. Cuz I am that awesome. So here ya go. Proof. Of shelves. Shelves that are NOT falling out of the wall and are even and shit.

Also, cuteness. Warning, you might die from overload. Tinker is my cutie kitty boo. Too bad I don't like cats.

It's Alive!!!!

2007-01-31T12:25:00.000-06:00

Hi! Ummm...look! I remembered my blogger sign in! Yay! Yeah so I've been incommunicado for a loooong freakin while but I have a really good excuse! As soon as I think of it I'll let you know. I guess things just hit me a lot harder then I expected them to. The last few months have been a serious roller coaster ride emotionally and I've gotten to the really bad point of avoiding everyone. I'm sorry. I seriously owe Christina the biggest apology since she keeps having my husband poke me in the shoulder to get my attention. I also promised her a post ummm....a week ago? Two weeks ago? Something like that. She was also sweet enough to make my mailbox do some really fun stuff and sent me a Chris LeDoux CD and some sugar free chocolate truffles (there would be a picture, but I ate them. Promptly. I'm depressed. It's chocolate.) so thank you, Christina. Seriously. I cried when I got it but in that "oh damn someone cares" way. I've gotten a lot of emails from stalkees (even the lurker kind) and I cried at every one of them. Hell, I'm crying now. I guess once you hit this point it's really hard to realize that people care and really, really hard to understand why. Damn this is hard to write. I'm trying not to pour too much of my heart out because I haven't posted in 6 weeks and the first post should not be a pity party but at least you know I'm alive.

I still owe Erin the worlds ugliest granny square. I haven't forgotten. I owe Christina some Guild Wars time and a lot of chat time. I owe Steph, Ryan, Erin, Norma and an ass load of others some serious stalking. I'll get there. I'll be back. I am bound and determined not to let everything bothering me win. I'm fighting back the best I know how so just hang in there for me. I have been working on projects but my one finished one can't be blogged until the recipient gets it because she reads the blog but it's what she wanted for Christmas. I just need to go see her. I just ordered some lipstick red and natural black baby alpaca yarn from Misti Alpaca so I can make myself a hat and scarf set. I think it will make me feel better. Hell if nothing else I can sit around and pet it. I'm working on a knit afghan (cuz I have nothing but time right now) in some soft chunky stuff so as soon as it's done it will get blogged. I haven't given up on knitting and crocheting. I seem to have given up brushing my hair but hey, dreadlocks are cool, right?

I'm just taking little battles right now. I get up and make my bed. I win. I take a shower and brush my teeth. I win. I remember to eat something today. I win. Little battles. I'll deal with the big ones later. I have successfully avoided an anxiety attack for 2 weeks now so that's a good thing. I'm trying not to over analyze what happened to the person that showed up in Austin for the Meet'N"Greet and became the person sitting here crying in a big pink gown, fuzzy slippers and a hooded jacket with messy hair, a ~~pack~~ carton of cigarettes and a cup of coffee. I'm going this weekend with my mom to see my grandfather in Oklahoma. I couldn't even talk to him on the phone at Christmas. I haven't seen him since my grandmother's funeral. I'll also be visiting her grave this weekend. It's gonna be hard but I need to do this. I'm taking lots of yarn.

I miss you guys. I really do. I miss the blogs and I miss being me. I miss the snarky comments you guys leave me when I do something stupid. I'll get it back though. I'm determined to win. I always have sucked at losing.

It's A Pattern!

2006-12-14T15:25:00.001-06:00

Hi kids! Yes, it is I again. Finally. It's been a lot of doctor's visits here at Casa de la Stalker and dealing with learning how to be a diabetic. Yeah, it totally sucks. I'm dealing though! Not near as many crying fits (yay!) and I seem to be having a lot less anxiety attacks. T is doing great on his meds so that helps a lot as well. I really don't wanna bore you with a lot of medical crap anyway. I've been at Mom's (the non-birthing one) for most of this week cuz she has a son that's diabetic so it's been informative. It also means I haven't been on the computer much this week so I'm behind on stalking and posting. And knitting. And crocheting. Ok so all I've done all week is sit around and laugh. That's a good thing, right?

I wanted to come on though and get the fish mat pattern out there. I know some of you have been waiting on it. I'm waiting on Catsmum *ahem* to send me a pic of hers and she was going to convert it over to the English instructions for me. Hee! Also, ummm...yeah. Pattern! If you have any questions you guys know how to find me. Also, for those of you who wanted it, and if you can catch me on, instant messenger information will be at the bottom. But first, pattern! Yay!!!

_________________________________________________

Tinker’s Fish Mat

This little mat was made for putting your kitty’s food/water dish on. If your kitty is spastic like mine is, it also makes a fine kitty bed once they push their food dishes off of it and drag it to the appropriate room in the house.

It’s made with 3 strands of acrylic worsted weight for easy cleaning, a quick work-up and it makes it rather inexpensive to replace. You can use 3 different colors as I did here, 2 different colors to create stripes by switching colors at each row or every other row, or just make a solid color fish.

Ch = Chain
SC = Single Crochet
DC = Double Crochet
ss = Slip Stitch
Dec = Decrease
st = stitch/stitches

Dec – Keeping last loop of each on hook, work double crochet in next 2 stitches, yarn over, draw through all loops on hook

Yarn: 3 strands of worsted weight yarn, any color(s) held together throughout.

Hook: Size N Hook

Body & Tail

Starting at the neck, chain 12.

Row 1.) DC in 4th chain from hook then DC in each ch across to end. Ch 3, turn. (10 DC)

Row 2.) DC in next 4 st. 2 DC in next 2 st then DC in each st to the end. Ch 3, turn. (12 DC)

Row 3.) DC in next 4 st. 2 DC in next 2 st then DC in each st to the end. Ch 3, turn. (14 DC)

Row 4.) DC in next 4 st. 2 DC in next 4 st then DC in each st to the end. Ch 3, turn. (18 DC)

Rows 5 - 9.) DC in each st across. Ch 3, turn.

Row 10.) DC in next 4 st. Dec in next 8 st then DC in each st to the end. Ch3, turn. (14 DC)

Row 11.) DC in next 4 st, Dec in next 4 st then DC in each st to the end. Ch 3, turn. (12 DC)

Row 12.) DC in next 4 st, Dec in next 4 st then DC in each st to the end. Ch 3, turn. (10 DC)

Rows 13 & 14.) DC in each st across. Ch 3, turn.

Row 15.) DC in same st as Ch 3. 2 DC in each st across. Ch 3, turn. (20 DC)

Row 16.) DC in same st as Ch 3. DC in each st to the last one. 2 DC in last st. (22 DC)

Fasten off.

Fish Head

Decide which edge of the fish body will be the top and attach yarn to that edge corner opposite the tail.

Row 1.) Ch 1 then SC in next 5 st. Turn.

Row 2.) SS in next st. Ch 1 then SC in next 3 st. Turn.

Row 3.) SS in next st. Ch 1, SC in next SC and next SS. Ch 1, turn.

Row 4.) SC in next st. SS in last st.

Bind off.

On opposite edge of the body, attach yarn for the bottom jaw.

Row 1.) Ch 1. SC in next 3 st. Ch 1. turn.

Row 2.) SC in next 2 st. Ch 1, turn.

Row 3.) SC in same st as ch 1. SC in next st. Ch 1, turn.

Row 4.) SS in same st as ch 1. SS in next st.

Bind off.

Finishing

Decide which side of the fish is right side up and attach yarn anywhere. Ch 1 and SC in all st around.

Bind off.

Optional Fish Eye

Worsted weight yarn in black and white.

Size H Hook

Round 1.) With black yarn, ch 2. SC 6 times in the 2nd loop from hook. SS into the first SC and bind off.

Round 2.) Attach white yarn to any st. Ch 1 and sc in same st as ch. 2 sc in each st around. SS into the ch and ch 1. (12 SC)

Round .3) SS in same st as ch. *SC in next st. 2 SC in next st.* Repeat from * to * until you are back at the beginning ch. SS into the beginning ch and bind off.

Position the eye where you want it and sew on.

If you have any questions about this pattern, please email me at stalkerangie AT gmail DOT com and put in the subject line “Fish Mat.”

Please fill free to share this pattern with whoever would like it. You may sell anything you make using this pattern, but please list me as the designer and do not sell the pattern as your own or the Stalker will find you.

Enjoy!!

Update: I am a dork. It's been proven time and time again. I believe I said I would provide instant messenger information. Oops. Hee!

Yahoo: stalkerangie

MSN: ladydragnblade@hotmail.com

AIM: ladydragnblade18

Updated (02/19/2011) for anyone still hoping to find me: I no longer use Yahoo or AIM.

New MSN: ami0702@hotmail.com ♥

Friday! Yay!

2006-12-08T14:54:00.000-06:00

First off my apologies to Erin. She won the granny square. I only had to throw bits of paper in the air five times to get Tinker to pick a winner. The first 3 times he just watched them flutter to the ground then looked at me like I was stupid. The 4th time he showed a little interest and on the 5th try he actually pounced. Now he's mad because I woke him up from a nap to play with bits of paper I then took away from him. Poor Kitty Boo. So Erin, be aware that this hideous thing is going to show up on your doorstep. This is poor payment for you sending me Clucky Rooster. I'll try and do better next time. Hehe

The last few days have been all about trips to the doctor cuz my blood pressure is still too high so now I'm on 2 meds for it. As of Wednesday, I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. As of Wednesday I am going to a psychologist and I've already seen her twice. As of today I am on a paid leave of absence from work until I get my meds taken care of. My job is supposed to be ending as of December 29th. This should be interesting. I'm handling things ok. Don't worry too much about me at this point. I'll still have my bad days but I have found I have an awesome support network and people calling me daily just to see how my day is going.

Now, as promised, pictures of the animals. See, we got a new coffepot. I know! Yay us! And you know how coffepots come in those big boxes packed in shaped styrofoam? Well, Tinker found one of those pieces. He play with it. He plays in it. He also sleeps in it. Thank goodness I didn't go but him a $50 kitty bed. It's easier to go buy another $15 coffee pot. Everyone needs extra coffeepots, right?

Also, the babies are getting their hair back and Saoirse couldn't be happier about it. Well, she could but she has way too much attitude.

Alex is happy about his hair growing back, but he fell asleep watching me knit. He leads an exciting life.

You Brought This On Yourselves.

2006-12-04T14:22:00.004-06:00

You can't say I didn't warn you. I tried to be nice about the whole knitting thing and I even went ahead and showed you a picture of what I was knitting but you had to be all "There goes that bat shit Stalker again with her 'I can't decide on a craft' trying to knit something. Then you rolled your eyes at me. Did too! I saw you! Right there through the interweb. So do you remember what I said I'd do? Do you? Well let it be know that Stalker Angie does not make idle threats. Behold, the product of your scorn. The bastard child of your snide remarks. The avocado green.

Because this is your fault, this will be sent to one of the unlucky folks who read this blog. This vortex of horror will show up on your doorstep. Granted, it's soft as hell. I can't get over how soft it is. But the colors! Eww! Also, this is made with some of my grandmother's yarn. So this is probably the original stuff. From the late 60's/early 70's. You know you want this granny square. Who wants a contest??

Yay! Ok, here's the deal. It's time for Stalker Trivia! Yay! Anyone who wishes to participate, please email your answers to me at stalkerangie AT gmail DOT com. Those who get them all right will be put on little pieces of paper. Those little pieces of paper will then be systematically, with all due precision, tossed into the air and the first one attacked by the ever spastic Tinker, is the winner. This also means you have to be willing to give your snail mail address to a Stalker. Assuming I don't already have it. Hehe. So, yeah. Trivia!

1.) Who was my 14th post for?

2.) In October of 2005, who's Pin Oak tree did I hide in?

3.) My 100th post was on June 12, 2006. What did T and I "argue" about?

4.) Not counting this post, how many posts have there been? (Hint: I told you when the 100th one was.)

5.) In the previous post, what is the second word on the 12th line?

So send in your answers folks and this avocado, orange and baby poo brown monstrosity can be yours! You have until Thursday, December 7th at 6:30 pm Central to get in your answers. Wednesday's post will be skipped but I promise cute animal photos for Friday and also who won the umm...dubious contest. Woohoo!

I'd Rather Be Knitting

2006-12-01T14:41:00.000-06:00

There will be rambling and ranting this post. My doc switched my meds (we'll get to that in a bit) so today I have no meds so I can be prepared for the next round so I'm a little jittery and rambly today. Also I can't seem to type so any typing mistakes, well, that would be normal. Also, I think my doctor is related to T somehow because she carries stupid conversations as well as he does. Also, Hi. Happy Friday.

Ok, so I'd rather be knitting. Thrown for a loop? No? You're used to my crazy mood swings and going from craft to craft? Well, fine then. Piss off. I won't tell you what I'm knitting. Nope. Nuh uh. I'll just wait until I have some crochet to show you and you can suffer. I'll go make some hideous avacado green granny square thing with harvest gold fringe. And you'll like it.

So I went to the doctor yesterday and she said my emotional rollercoaster was due to the meds not building up in my system so we are on a higher dose now and also blood pressure meds for hypertension. Cuz, it would seem that 170/107 is not so much for the good. On a totally unrelated side note, eggs fried in bacon grease make the most kick ass sandwiches, ever. So we discussed my symptoms and she just kept harping on this whole blood pressure thing, y'all.

Me: So about the weird back pains..

Dr. Harpy: Oh that would be high blood pressure. See, your blood vessels are constricting so hard they're cramping the nerves in your back which is why it pulses with your (way too fast) heart beat and travels like it does.

Me: I think it may be a lasting result of when I hurt my back.

Dr. Harpy: Yep, definitely hypertension.

Me: Plus these flash headaches are really getting on my nerv...

Dr. Harpy: High blood pressure.

Me: *glare* So yeah it's a good thing that we'll be upping the dosage on the Prozac and...

Dr. Harpy: Yep! And putting you on blood pressure medication. Just until you get the stress under control.

Me: I am still going to Taco Bell for lunch after this. I am NOT getting a salad.

Dr: Harpy: You really are a stubborn pain in the ass. You're every doctor's nightmare.

Me: Hee!

See? Abuse! My doctor actually called me a pain in the ass! Ok yeah, it's true but hey! Professionalism maybe? Perhaps I just drive people to new heights of irritation......naaaah.

So anyway, I learned a new lesson. Don't give your mom your IM information. Just, don't. Cuz it's not so much that she chats with me. I love that. My mom is awesome and funny. It's that what would have been an appropriate phone call at home later, becomes a bad idea through IM at work. Like telling me that my oldest brother and his wife are splitting up after Christmas. Appropriate to call me at home and let me know this. Not so much at work where I can't exactly scream "WHAT????" at my computer screen at work. They look at you funny and make you take a break.

So yeah, I'm pissed at that situation. Granted any woman that can live with my brothers for more than 5 minutes deserves a medal of some sort, but damn. I don't get it. Plus, I am halfway through a pink afghan for this woman. Pink!!! Did I mention it had pink in it? Remember this?

What the hell am I gonna do with it? I hate citrus colors and pink. Luckily my best girl Pam in Houston has a daughter (Hi Jess!!!) who loves pink. A new home! Oh wait, Pam don't show this to Jess. Suprise, 'member? K. But you can tell her Hi for me. Ok moving on.

So anyway, yeah I have a full on rant about the impending break up of my brother's marriage and none of it favorable and dear sweet wooly Jesus she actualy said The Spark was gone!!! The Spark, people! Oh, I'm sorry, honeymoon is over and real life set in and guess what marriage is HARD!! It takes an ass load of work and dedication and you have to search for that damn spark sometimes. It can be an elusive sonofabitch. Grr!

I will deal with my anger later after I drive to California and slap the snot out of someone and scream in their faces until I foam at the mouth and spittle flies everywhere. Until then, I started knitting a scarf last night for my mom and damn, do I love it and hate that I have to give it away. The yarn is a shiny, sparkley charcoal grey that was my grandmother's and my mom fell in love with it. Mom just bought a new black leather coat so this yarn will look oh so spiffy with it. The pattern I chose can be found here and it's awesome. It's fun and engaging with it's little twists, repetitive enough to be relaxing but not boring. Also, I am knitting it on grandma's size 8 needles that are a very nice scarf knitting 8 inches long. This is what I'd rather be working on right now. I want to knit. *twitch*

A Good Day

2006-11-29T12:03:00.000-06:00

Granted, it's only noon, but it's been a good day so far. I'm feeling up and positive because it seems like things are getting done. I'm not stressing as much about the job situation. T will still have his for a couple of months after me and I'll have unemployment coming in. I have time. I don't need to panic. Something will come along and it'll be good. If I apply somewhere and don't get a call, then it's not where I am meant to be.

T is finally on meds for HIS depression and stress and it's made life more bearable for me. He's in the middle of a really bad exacerbation with his MS and I'm doing my best to not let it drag me down. He doesn't need to see how badly I am taking this exacerbation. That's the hardest part about marriage or a partnership. You hold things in not because you don't want to share them but because you love them and don't want to burden them. We both do it. Hell, we all do it.

I just got off the phone with him and he just finished his first visit to a psych doctor. He sounds awesome. He's actually positive about going to this doctor. He likes what the doctor had to say and was very open about the visit they had. This is such a good thing I could cry with relief. There's hope there. He hasn't sounded this good in almost 2 years. My mind is doing cartwheels. My body is saying "Dear God maybe she'll get some sleep and relax now!!"

I have an appointment for tomorrow to talk to my doc about my meds, side effects and any symptoms I've been having that I forgot to mention before. I made a list this time. It's scary that I was able to make a fucking LIST. Lists are for groceries and things to do. Not symptoms. But that's ok! I'm accepting the fact that I cannot do this alone. I'm accepting the fact that I'm going to need meds for a while to get through this and that's it's not a permanent thing. I am accepting that pushing my friends and family away is not going to do me any good nor would it be very successful. It worked in the past. I have new friends now. They're as stubborn as I am. This is scary.

I also realize that stopping the blog would be a really dumb ass move. It's not just a way to connect with everyone. I feel better when I write out what I'm feeling or thinking. You guys make an AWESOME sounding board. I cannot thank you enough for the kind words and the advice. I need to keep reminding myself that I'm not alone, I don't have to be alone and that I'm not the only one that is going through, or has gone through, something like this.

Your comments have made me laugh and kept me going. They've made me cry and cope. Some of you have given me things to research and that's the kinda stuff I live for. Some of you (coughChristinacough) have called me a dork and made me cry not because of being called a dork, but because it's such a normal occurrence from that person, that it made me feel like things were going to be ok. Things are so out of whack with life and it's, I don't know, normal. I should probably be depressed that being called a dork is normal. It just makes me laugh. Cuz I am a dork. Also, now I am rambling. Also, being mushy, eww. Sorry.

So anyway, yeah. Having a good day. I have local friends who love me and worry about me. I have friends all over that buck me up, make me laugh and reveal my dorkiness to the world simply because I love yarn just as much as they do. You guys rock.

Hope you have a great day. See ya Friday. :)

Surfacing.

2006-11-27T11:26:00.001-06:00

Hi! I umm...yeah. This makes 4 posts for all of November. That's really sad. It's not that nothing went on for the entire freaking month of November, I just have been in this fog. Yes, this is mostly a post for me to get out some things in writing. If you don't want to read further, just skip to comments and tell me to get the hell over it already and bring back the funny. :)

So I finally went to the doctor at the end of October and did you know it takes some meds forever to build up in your system? Totally. So the doctor says I'm stressed. I know! I was shocked. Stupid conversation follows and points out the extent of my stubbornness.

Doc: So why are you here? What can we do for you?

Me: Well, since about February, there's been MAYBE 30 days this year where I haven't been vomiting at least once and I'm getting these flash headaches and weird nerve issues in my back.

Doc: February, huh? And you're just now coming in why?

Me: I'm stubborn? I don't like doctors? I always think things will fix themselves? I have a healthy sense of denial?

Doc: Mmhmmm. Ok, so we're going to run some tests on your liver and pancreas but I'm betting it's all stress related.

Me: Stress? I never have serious stress issues.

Doc: Ok, so what's going on in your life right now that COULD cause stress if you were so inclined to be effected by said possible stress.

Me: Umm....my hubby has MS and is having an exacerbation, I'm being laid off in December, he's being laid off in February, we have 5 dogs and a cat to take care of, there's never enough time in the day and I'm still dealing with the loss of my grandmother and my dog. Granted, Grandma rates above the dog, but still.

Doc: Ok, so I'm putting you on Prozac for 30 days and then you're coming back in.

Me: Oh hell no. I don't need Prozac. Crazy people who are overwhelmed take Prozac. I'm hunky dory.

Doc: Which is why your blood pressure is sky high, your resting pulse rate is over 100, you've sat here and chewed off 3 of your fingernails while talking to me and you've scratched your face until you're bleeding? That's your hunky dory?

Me: Shut up.

Doc: You're going to try the Prozac for 30 days. You're going to come back and see me at the end of that or before the end of the year I'll see you after your heart attack and/or stroke. Did you know you've been crying for 30 minutes now?

Me: Oh and my eyes are leaky. I'm not crying. It's medical.

Doc: Here's your prescription.

So yes, I have been taking Prozac for the last month and getting used to it. Yes, I'm going back this week because emotionally I'm on a roller coaster. I take it in the mornings and my days are whacky. By the time afternoon rolls around, I feel pretty even keel. Sloggy, but even keel. By evening I'm giddy and my brain races. I go to bed and can't sleep cuz my mind won't shut up. In the morning I wake up on rock bottom and feel like I have to start all over. This isn't what is supposed to be happening me thinks. According to Non-birth Mom (she requested it be shortened from Mom of the she did not give birth to me variety. Silly woman) I should have been on this stuff over a year ago. I tend to agree with her.

I'm trying to get myself pulled together. I'm trying to take interest in those things that once made me happy. I'm trying to find upbeat positive things to post and I'm trying so hard to get back into reading the blogs and commenting. I find when I read them here lately that I don't want to comment because I've been away so long and will anyone even remember me on some of them and can I make a comment without sounding snarky or depressed? I'm trying not to cry because when I read the blogs I'm so behind on what is happening with everyone and I miss everyone and following along.

I find that when I get overly stressed or depressed that I push people away and try to fade out of everyone's life. If I don't face my friends, I don't have to face my issues, right? Several times these last 2 months I have had serious thoughts of shutting down the blog, closing my emails and just letting Stalker Angie fade away from the blog life and move on. I realize now that that's not fair. It's not fair to me or any of you guys. I'm going to do my best to post on a regular schedule even if it's just a pic of Tinker or one of the puppies. I'm going to do my best to reconnect with all of my blogs and stay updated. If I miss a post, feel free to bug the snot out of me until I post something. I'm on yahoo, AIM and MSN. Christina does an awesome job of that when she can. Hell, bug her until she bugs me. It's not like T and I don't have dumb ass conversations on a daily basis I could post. Also, I need to be having pics of FO's for Christmas to post. See? Sometimes it just takes a cattle prod to the butt.

Guess who swatched!!

2006-11-16T18:12:00.001-06:00

No, it wasn't me, but I have a confession of swatching. I do. See, I talk to Christina just about daily (until she remembers she has more of a life than I do) on Yahoo and I was being her seaming support for her sweater. Then....she confessed it. Just came right out and blurted! She swatched for her sweater. She's a swatcher now! And now for the confession:

[17:54] lionessria: I'm sleeve-seaming now! lol

[17:54] stalkerangie: *scared*

[17:55] lionessria: I'd kinda like to know why they're so short though.

[17:56] stalkerangie: uh oh. that doesn't bode well

[17:56] stalkerangie: umm...3/4 sleeves maybe?

[17:56] lionessria: we're going to have to have some serious ribbing. lol

[17:56] stalkerangie: don't make it look like an 80's sweater lol

[17:57] lionessria: Pfft

[17:57] stalkerangie: all tight below the elbow so it's poofy above. not a good look lol

[17:58] lionessria: Or I could actually knit a swatch in stockingette and knit downwards before starting the ribbing.

[17:58] stalkerangie: oh now that sounds like a much better idea

[17:59] lionessria: Swatch! *runs away*

[17:59] stalkerangie: lol

[17:59] stalkerangie: I've never swatched before....

[17:59] stalkerangie: unless you count that scarf I never finished....I could call it a swatch

[18:00] lionessria: You wanna know a secret? I actually swatched for this sweater on the machine before I started.

[18:01] stalkerangie: I am so blogging that. I'm telling the world!

[18:01] stalkerangie: or, the few people who read my blog anyway

[18:02] lionessria: Go ahead. I was going to anyways when I posted the finished pics and stuff.

[18:02] stalkerangie: well damn. it's no fun then. lol

[18:02] lionessria: Oh right. I mean.. No! No! You can't!

[18:03] stalkerangie: lmao. yay!! now I can! I shall blog it and tell everyone!!

So there it is folks! Head over and mock her for the swatcher she is. Or bug her on Yahoo and tell her you heard of her swatchiness. Swatching indeed.

Slog Blog

2006-11-14T14:07:00.000-06:00

I keep slogging through my brain to try and figure out what to write. I'm trying not to create my own personal pitty party on the blog. I'm struggling with dealing with the impending job loss, T's MS, having to go to work everyday knowing that I am just spinning my wheels because in just over a month it will be someone else's job. For those of you that were in Boerne this last weekend I extend my sincerest apologies for missing it. I'm trying to pick myself back up and I don't think I would have made the weekend without crying into the alpaca and that would have just been awkward. I spent the weekend instead crying into my mom's lap and getting a new batch of yarn that used to be my grandmother's and crying because I miss her oh, and there was crying because I woke up Sunday and my folks were out of vanilla creamer. Are you sensing a trend?

So that's why I haven't posted in a week and why I missed the coolest time in Boerne this last weekend. I'll make it up at the next meet n greet. I pinky swear it. I swear on my stash. Yeah. So take that. So to kinda keep my spirits up, I have been crocheting and have I got something for you guys. Remember this?
Some of you expressed interest in a fish mat for your knitter kitties. Guess what I did! It's not tested yet but I have a person in mind to test the pattern for me. Tada!!!! I designed a fish mat!

And here it is in use by Tinker's food dish.

It would be very simple to do a striped fish or a solid color. If anyone wants a fish mat, let me know. Once the pattern is tested, I'll post it and share. :)

Nekkid and Pissed

2006-11-01T19:23:00.000-06:00

Now before you sickos out there (that would be you....you think I'm funny and that makes you sick. Hee!) get any ideas about this post, I'm not nekkid. Nor are there any pics of me nekkid. You may thank me later. I am, however, pissed. At myself. See, this post was supposed to happen this morning. Or, early afternoon, whatever. Earlier than now anyway. Here's what happened.

See, I got up late this morning. No, later than usual. Shut up. So I didn't have time over my coffee this morning to upload pics or throw them onto my handy-dandy thumb drive for uploading from work. Yes, I suck, I know. So T says he'll take my memory card out of my camera and send me the files at work. Yay! So around mid afternoon I send him an IM about the pictures. Yes, it's another installment of stupid conversations. Yes, I know it's not original.

Me: Pictures! I demand pictures for blogging!

T: Ok, hold on. Getting you camera.

T: Umm....Where's your memory card for you camera?

Me: Umm...shit?

T:........

Me: Is it in my computer?

T: Yes. It is. Did you take pictures without your memory card?

Me: Maybe...

T: *sigh* Ok, where is the cord for your camera?

Me: Umm...shit?

T: Baby, where is the cord.

Me: In my purse. At work. With me.

T signs off the instant messenger. Yeah that's kinda how my day went. But I'm home now! I have pictures for you! Now we get on with the nekkid! Woohoo! I know some of you are wonder what was lurking beneath the carpet of death in my dining room. Who wants pictures?? Oh, you do? Ok! Behold, my nekkid dining room floor!

That, my dear Stalkees, is the original tongue 'n groove hardwood floors from when the house was built in the 1920's. We asked the neighbors who have the same floor and who's house was built by the same guy who built ours. They are also the people we bought the house from. It's not in perfect shape, but it just needs to be sanded, stained and water sealed. None of the boards are cracked or coming up, none separating and all of the problem spots can easily be sanded out. I cannot tell you how excited I am. The neighbors said they'd even come over and help since they did their own floors and know how to work the sanders and such. Woohoo!! Here is proof of some of the rough spots. Trust me, there are larger areas, but I'm not sharing those.

So, speaking of nekkid, yesterday the puppies had an appointment for the groomer. I make the mistake of letting T take them in for the first time ever. I know how I like them cut. He doesn't. He tells them he just wants a little hair left on the ends of their tails. That's ALL they have left people. I get home yesterday and I'm convinced he brought home the wrong dogs. I sent in Lhasa Apso's. I got back pugs. Proof of the nekkid!

Poor Alex. The boy has been in a bad mood since he got home yesterday. Then there's Saoirse. She just spent all day and night shivering. By the way, Saoirse is pronounced "SEER-sha." It's Gaelic for Freedom. Nekkid Freedom. Hehe

Also, speaking of not amused? The dogs? Are pissed. They are trying to figure out how to get revenge for being nekkid.

He's plotting.

Saoirse just wants a chunk of vital flesh. I'm running to hide now.

Cuteness, Finished Object and Not So Cute.

2006-10-30T13:00:00.000-06:00

Hi gang! So, shall we start with cuteness, the finished object or the not so cute? I'm afraid if I start with cuteness I may lose you for the rest of the post. The finished object I'm saving for the end because most of you won't believe I actually finished something. So I guess we head right for the not so cute. This....this used to be an orderly stash room.

I found this when I got home Friday and went to find some yarn. I think it's time for another installment of "Stupid Conversations Had At My House."

Me: Baby??

T: Yes?

Me: Why is my dining room in my stash room?

T: Cuz I moved it in there?

Me: You're an ass.

T: For moving the furniture?

Me: No..Well yes, but for giving me a stupid answer. Why did you move the furniture into my stash room?

T: Because we're ripping up the dining room carpet.

Me: Oh. Ummm...You're sister and her husband are due here next week.

T: Yeah, it's easier to rip up the carpet and claim construction than it is to try and clean the carpet.

Me: The carpet is so bad you'd rather rip it up, hoping there's a serviceable floor under it and claim construction??

T: Yes.

Me: Are we that damn messy?

T: Penny was. When was the last time you looked behind the dining room table? She destroyed it!

Me: Ummm...well....behind, huh?

T: You're so observant.

Me: Piss off, dear.

So yeah, we're ripping up the dining room carpet. I guess. It didn't happen over the weekend so I guess my next few evenings will consist of...carpet ripping. I'm doing a lot of guessing here folks.

So anyway, on to the cuteness! I cornered Saoirse in the living room and demanded a picture of her saying her presence was requested. I got this.

Cold shouldered. By my own dog. If she could have reached me to bite me, she would have, y'all. Luckily, she is lazy and I would not step closer to her. I swear vengeance upon her come Wednesday when I get home and she and Alex are back from the groomers. Hee!

Now, this is where Tinker sleeps while I play on the computer. My cat is retarded.

He sleeps on my left foot. Under my desk. Alex sleeps on my right foot. I have living slippers. This will rock in the winter time if it ever comes to Texas. Until then, I am dying with the hot feet.

Moving on past the cuteness.....move on, people. Come on, get off the pictures already. I am dangling a finished object in front of you. Yarny goodness. Wanna see?

It's a dog bone mat! For the babies' water bowl cuz they are messy drinkers. This thing is fully washable and it's acrylic. I really don't care how messed up it gets because I can whip out another one in a day or two! I used blue, green and white to match my kitchen. The pattern was found on the Crochetville forums and was designed by Andrea Wallace.

I finished something! Now I need to move chairs so I can get to my stash because I know a few people who need one of these for their furry beasties. I just need to know colors folks or I'll just make it "bone" color. Anyone want one? I like making these. E-mail me. Seriously. I wanna make you people dog bone mats. Now.

*Ahem* Sorry. Obsessive. I'll go take my meds now. Hee!

Yarn's Bound and Wound

2006-10-27T14:13:00.000-05:00

Yarn's bound and wound, we're loadin' up and truckin',
We gonna drive past San Antonio.
We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.
We're West bound just watch ol' Stalker run.

Keep your foot hard on the pedal. Jo, never mind them brakes.
Let the yarn hang out cuz we got a run to make.
The girls are twitchy up in Dallas and there's wool to get in Boerne,
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.

Yarn's bound and wound, we're loadin' up and truckin',
We gonna drive past San Antonio.
We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.
We're West bound just watch ol' Skitter run.

Yarn's bound and wound, we're loadin' up and truckin',
We gonna drive past San Antonio.
We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.
We're West bound just watch ol' NanC run.

Ol' Smokey's got them ears on, he's hot on your trail.
He's gonna take your wool and lock you in jail.
So you got to dodge 'im and you got to duck 'im,
You got to keep that spinning wheel truckin'.
Just put that hammer down and give it hell.

Yarn's bound and wound, we're loadin' up and truckin',
We gonna drive past San Antonio.
We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.
We're West bound just watch these knitters run.

I...couldn't resist. Blame NanC. We're going to Kid 'N' Ewe. I got stalking to do. See you guys in Boerne. Yay!

Oh and if you haven't seen Smokey and the Bandit, shame on you. Go rent it now. The stalker compels you!

Menagerie

2006-10-18T16:45:00.000-05:00

I really have nothing to follow up Austin with. I'm discussing Kid N' Ewe with the hubby and trying to ignore the coersion going on in the comments. Seriously. He wants me to go, we're just working out finances for hotels and such. Anyone want or need a roommate for Saturday night? I promise I'm fun to have around. Jo will attest to the fact that if it gets late enough I'll talk about damn near anything. Hee!

So to distract you from the lack of anything interesting, I give you pictures of Alex, Bonnie, Clyde and Tinker being his cutest self. I don't have any recent of Saoirse because she refuses to sit still for the blindy flashy thing after the shawl modeling debacle.

Someone needs a haircut. And a clue. Hee!

Happy girl!
Happy boy!

Mmmm.....they think they're tasty indeed.Love me, I'm cute.

Tinker says, "Why is the basket empty? Mommy wont share her yarn with me! Kitty abuse!" I think he's plotting my demise here. Eeeeevil kitty.

Austin Meet N Greet

2006-10-16T10:37:00.001-05:00

Warning: This post is long and picture heavy. Yay!

How do you explain fun? How do you describe how awesome something was? I'll try, but damn, I don't know if I'll do it any justice. Seriously. I honestly figured there would be maybe 5 people there (including me) and that it might be a smidge awkward. I love when I am wrong. Sometimes. This time I loved it anyway.

As usual, I was running late to a function. Now folks, it doesn't matter if I leave at 7 am for a 2 hour drive when I don't have to be there until 10 am. I will be late. There will be accidents, construction zones and funerals. It's a given. I give up trying to be on time. I'm just going to accept my tardiness and be done with it. So I was supposed to be at Opal Divines by 10:30 am to be able to greet everyone and at 11:00 am I called the restaurant because I was still 45 minutes away. Shocked? No? Shut up. At least I called. Jeez. So I told the hostess to possibly expect people and to go ahead and seat them or whatever and let them know I was running late. Her response was that a few people had already showed and had been seated. Huh? People already? Cool! Then I began to panic. There were people already there and waiting. WAITING! Then it hit me. It's knitters. They have yarn. They are so not bored or anything.

So I finally arrived and by golly there was cheering! Mostly by me because I was out of Austin traffic and there was food in my future. Skipping breakfast is not so much for making a fun drive. I'll try and remember that in the future. We had a very nice turn out with folks from Austin, Dallas and Houston. You guys rock, you know that? So this is who showed up for our yarn party.

Let me see if I can get all the names right here. *Crosses fingers.* If I get anyone wrong, please let me know I'm an idiot so I can correct it. K? Thx. Starting with Jo in the blue shirt and going clockwise around the first table, Chris, NanC, Snowden (sadly blogless), Nancy (also sadly blogless), Ellie, Julia (who is hiding here but I got a pic of her tattoo. Hee!), Kristin, Meg and P-La. At the second table is Caro in the background and Stacy.

Here we have (from the left) Meg, Kristin and Amy showing proof that swatching happens. And what happens when there is no swatching?

Rrrriiiiiiiipppppppp. Poor Snowden. And she can't even blog her frustrations, hint, hint. We tried to promote blogging. We were ruthless. Ok, not really, but we can pretend, right?

Jene (below in the blue shirt, but sadly blogless as well) also came and played with us. Look at all the yarn on the table! So wonderful.

But then yarn on the table was the order of the day. Also, there was tattoo showings and adorable purses and project bags every-damn-where. And beer. There was definitely beer

Hi Julia's Leg!!

Also, there were some evil people there from a cool organization called Thundering Paws but y'all, they brought kittens. That needed homes. Kittens + Knitters = Lots of not looking that way cuz there are cute kittens. Also, lots of "Awwwwwwwww how cute!" There might have been a couple of "Well, we had talked about another kitten." and some "No, I cannot take a kitten home." I do not have a picture of the kittens. That would just be cruel. But if you click on the link for them, there are kittens. Consider yourself warned.

So all in all, I would say it was a grand success and will definitely happen again. It was so cool to get to meet everyone and it was just...damn fun, guys. There was yarn petting and pattern drooling and so much laughter. There was music, food and drink. There was talk of rotating the Meet 'N' Greet and I like the idea. I like the idea of rotating between Austin, Houston and Dallas so that the same people aren't having to make a long drive each time. Plus, it will allow those folks who simply cannot afford to drive across state to participate. No, we won't be holding one in El Paso, I'm sorry. There had been talk of San Antonio but, damn, this bunch loose on the River Walk? Scary. We'll see how we progress.

So around 3 pm, Chris, NanC and I headed for the Lonestar Knit Out and Crochet. It was nice and relaxing and we met some really cool folk there as well. I don't know names (unfortunately) but here are some of the pictures taken there.

Scary Doll. Cool sweater.

Now this next photo is a kicker. Everyone know of Mom of the did not give birth to me variety? The woman on the left in this picture, is her sister. I shit you not. I haven't seen her in almost 10 years. I flipped out.

The poor woman on the right with her finger stuck in her eye? She's the one who put the whole Knit Out thing in Austin together. She's allergic to wool, people. I will give you a moment to process the horror that is her knitting life. Bless her heart. She had to have been miserable all day.

I love that bright hat. I covet that hat.

And then this woman was perfectly lovely and fun to hang out with and she knit a Princess Leia hat!! How cool is that??

So around 5:30, Chris, NanC and I headed off to find food. Well, they ate and I sampled a bit. At 7:00 I met up with Jo and her lovely daughters for dinner at the Hula Hut in Austin and y'all, I cannot recommend it more. The food was fabulous, the atmosphere was awesome and the company was way too fun. There was singing and dancing in our seats and food. Damn good food. I won't tell you how late we hung out on the pier where the restaurant is, because it was an ungodly amount of time that just seemed to fly by.

I cannot thank everyone enough for coming out to play and just making it a very kick ass Saturday. I don't think we should do this once a year. I think we should do this once every 4 months so we hit all 3 major cities in a year. I miss everyone already and cannot wait to hang out again.

Because I Am Obviously An Idiot

2006-10-13T16:13:00.000-05:00

Eek! This is going up much later than I wanted it to. Stupid, stupid work and the stupid, stupid customers. I have things to do people! I cannot be sitting around all day dealing with your problems! There is blogging to be done!

Anyway, is it Saturday yet? No? Dammit. So I thought I'd throw in a final idea of an itinerary (snerk) since, ya know, this whole Meet N' Greet thing is tomorrow and all. Here we go!

11:00 am - 3:00 pm

Opal Divine's Penn Field. 3601 S. Congress Ave Ste K100, Austin, Tx.
You can reach them at 512-707-0237 for directions. It's just south of St Edward's University.
When I get there (hopefully before 11 am when they open) I'll make sure the door folks know of their impending doom and to steer anyone asking about knitters, crocheters or stalkers over to wherever they stick me.
Bring a project! I like petting yarn. Hee!

3:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Lonestar Knitters Knit Out and Crochet at Borders, 4477 S. Lamar, Austin, Tx.
You can reach them at 512-891-8974 for directions.
I would imagine there will be someone to follow. I have a map.
Be afraid.

There will most likely be a hotel room involved Saturday night for myself to crash into, I honestly haven't decided. I should get on that, huh. Hopefully, none of the Harlot's big, hairy spiders will be involed. Otherwise, I'm sleeping in the hotel pool. Just sayin.

Dear, sweet Jeebus is it Saturday yet??

Oh, and there will be pictures taken and blog fodder happening. Do not be offended if I am sitting like an idiot writing down names and blogs. My memory is shit. Go ask Christina about my memory. She'll have stories. They might be funny, I don't remember.

See you tomorrow!!!

Yes, I Should Be Working. Shut Up.

2006-10-11T10:43:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I know I should be working but I'm having a real hard time giving a shit today. I'm betting I'm gonna be having these days. Plus I was sick yesterday and I hurt all over because of it so I'm not really caring that our customers can't figure their computer systems out. No, I'm not being all depressed and blah, or maybe I am. How do you tell if you're depressed? Seriously, cuz I'm actually all excited about this weekend and trying to decide what project to drag along with me and just...I don't know, having a DAMN good time with strangers. I'm actually looking forward now to the next 3 months and finding new work and having a change. Maybe I wasn't meant to have a long term job anywhere. I get too bored easily. After about 2 years in one job, I tend to get twitchy. Perhaps this was all for the best.

Anyway, off the doom and gloom. Not much going on at Casa de la Stalker these days except cleaning, and that's not exciting. We've been re-arranging the living room and y'all, some of that shit hasn't moved in 3 years. I don't dust. It shows. So everything that got moved, got cleaned and let me tell ya, you can go through a crap load of cleaning wipes in one room. Hell, I even took all of our DVD's out of their racks and wiped them down. We won't discuss how nasty that was. The worst part of moving furniture that hasn't moved in 3 years? Untouched carpet. Carpet that no longer matches the rest of the carpet. If we have company, I'll be sitting on the pretty carpet to hide it. So sad.

So, yeah I have pictures! Yay! Looook at the shiny piiiictuuures. Don't think about your duuuuuust.

Tinker seems to be real comfortable in his new home. Hubby needs a shave. Tinker doesn't care.

I was also going to have a picture of Alex in the backyard here but when I took the pic, I didn't realize he chose that exact moment to hike his leg and we don't do doggy porn here, folks. And I can't wait to see what kind of hits I get from THAT little sentence.

Can anyone tell me what these are? They grow between our house and our deck every year and bloom every Fall. They're gorgeous and I want more of them. Anyone?

My grapevines are coming back and really seem to be enjoying the chicken wire we put up to keep Bonnie and Clyde in.

Here a shot of what it looks like if you stand in my backyard and look straight up. Our pecan trees have gotten huge!

And last but not least, remember the pear tree incident? I think you do. And remember this shot of the pear tree's revenge?

Pear trees says, "HA! Screw you, fence dude! I'm glad you cut me down cuz some of my limbs had that damn tree fungus. Not now, fence bitches! Look how healthy I am!"

You go on with your bad self, Mr. Pear Tree. You just go on.

Real Quick

2006-10-06T14:14:00.001-05:00

Cuz did you know that when you get a lay off notice that it's a silent request for everyone in the damn company to demand you do something for them RIGHT NOW? Yeah. It is. I didn't know either! They should send out a memo or something. So yeah, it's been crazy busy and stuff.

Anyway, just thought it was a good idea to say "Hey! Look! I'm alive! Woohoo!" Things are looking up even though I am still losing my damn job (bitter much?) and don't have another one lined up yet. BUT, I have some leads and I've got ideas running through my head (but there's so much room!) that I might try selling stuff on Etsy, creating patterns and maybe try my hand at writing...something....or something. A Stalker Angie book.

......

.......

Pppfffttttttbuahahahahahahaha! Heehee....damn that's funny.

But seriously, thanks to those of you who have sent me job ideas and application links. They are all being seriously considered (Do you think you could work with me? Do you think you'd get anything done with me around?) and some applications have been sent in. So again, thank you!

Keep your eyes open for an Austin countdown timer on the side somewhere. I'm so ready to go. I'm also gonna try and stay in town that night cuz....ya know....there's alcohol and such. Not that I'll be getting drunk (cuz we all know I'm a mean ass drunk) but a couple of drinks might be nice, ya know? Plus, someone might wanna hang out and sit around a hotel room and knit or something. It could happen. Shut up.

COME TO AUSTIN!!! (It's not that far from Washington/Vermont/Illinois/Canada dammit. Carpool or something)

Back to work. *sigh*

Update: The countdown time was wider than I thought so it goes up top instead of on the side bar. Thanks for the link Christina!!

Numb + Scared + Really Pissed Off = Me

2006-09-29T01:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, so you know that thing you do where..ya know...you get up in the morning and you eat breakfast, then you shower and get dressed and drive? That...uumm....damn...oh yeah! Work! That thing! Ya know where you have this...job thing and it helps you buy yarn and gives you a place to live where you store the yarn? Oh and it pays for the vehicle that takes you to the yarn store? Ooh ooh and it pays for the internet thingy where you get to talk to all your blog friends? That work thing? Yeah....

So Tuesday afternoon we found out they're doing lay offs at work. So like, my last day is December 29th. And remember how I said T and I work at the same place? Yeah so his last day is February 28th. So like, 2 people, married, living in the same house, both getting laid off. And we live in a town where ' job market' is an oxymoron. There isn't one. You can work at the college where they don't hire anyone unless you went there at some point, or retail and I am so not going back to retail. No really. I feel rather strongly on that subject. No retail. Allow me to demonstrate the ability for me to hate retail.

Me: So what the hell are we gonna do now?

T: Ummm.....

Me: Yeah, my thoughts too, dude.

T: Well, we have options, baby. It's not like we don't have job skills.

Me: *glare of hatred* Don't say it.

T: Well, darling, you are good at retail and you have all of that experience.

Me: Looking for sharp object to poke your eyes out with now.

T: Don't be silly, I'm being serious.

Me: I totally told you 5 years ago I wasn't ever going back to retail.

T: I know you don't like it but...

Me: No! Are you deaf? No retail. Don't make me cuss at you. Don't look at me like that, I will cuss you.

T: You're being unreasonable.

Me: Ok, let me explain. Retail + Me = NOT. I won't go back to retail. No. I would rather stand on the edge of a cliff, take a full bottle of arsenic, slit my wrists, drink a bottle of bleach, take an entire bottle of sleeping pills, then shoot myself in the fucking face so that I fall off of said cliff before I go back into retail.

T: You're not right. In the head I mean.

Me: No retail.

T: Well, I gather you feel rather strongly about this.

Me: Just a smidge dear, just a smidge. And you made me cuss you. You were warned.

T: So how bad will the disappointment be when you tell your blog friends you can't make it to Austin.

Me: I'm sorry, were you speaking?

T: We have to save money.

Me: Eat shit, dear, I am so going to Austin. I will eat light or whatever. I really, really need this trip now and if you try and tell me no, it won't be me on said cliff and it will be a different face I shoot. *glare*

T: Well, ok, so you'll have fun in Austin then.

Me: Yep.

So yeah now what? I mean, starting over sucks ass, guys. I've never left a job without another one lined up. We can't just pack up and move, we own our house. We have 5 dogs and a cat. Apartments are kinda out of the question. T's medicine is $1,500 a freaking month without our insurance. Plus, this is kinda putting stress on him and if he relapses due to this shit? I am so gonna sue the pants off these bastards. And dammit, I like my job! I like the people I work with! I make good money for our area. ARRRGGGG!

Tuesday I cried. A lot. Wednesday I was numb. Today I was just really pissed off about it all. I hate corporate politics. We have a guy in our room that is in the middle of adopting a baby. We have a 50 year old woman with cancer. We have a 52 year old supervisor that sold everything after her husband died, packed up and moved here to start over. We have a lot of single moms where I work. Out of 120 people in our location, 66 are being laid off. For where we live, that's flooding the market with people looking for the same types of jobs.

Did I mention how much I hate retail?

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

2006-09-26T15:30:00.001-05:00

The time and date are set. The management has been forewarned. So come one, come all, to the First (maybe only) Annual (bi-annual, monthly, or whatever) Texas (Or where ever) Knitter/Crocheter/Blogger/Crazy Persons Get Together!!! The title is a little long, but I wasn't making t-shirts anyway. So here's the deal. If you wanna come hang out and meet up and get to know your fellow bloggers, you're invited! If you wanna come just for food and laughs, you're invited! You don't have to be a knitter or a crocheter or a blogger. Just be aware you may be one or all of these things before you leave. Hell, you don't even have to live in Texas. It just makes the drive shorter.

DETAILS!!!!!

What: A bunch of loonies sitting around yakking, eating and possibly playing with yarn.

When: October 14, 2006 from 11 am until they throw our sorry asses out the door or we decide to go torment someone else.

Where: Opal Divine's Penn Field at 3601 S. Congress Ave. Ste. K100 in Austin, Texas.

Why: Because we can! And we want to! And if you guys leave me sitting there alone feeling stupid I shall show you the true meaning of Stalker! (Kidding. Maybe.)

How: Now here's the trick. I suggest car pooling and a designated driver. Seriously. Jesus loves me and if you get into an accident and die because of our get together, he will resurrect your ass for me so I can kick it all over this state and kill you again. Nuff said. We don't play that drunk driver game here. Dammit.

Now, it has come to my attention from the dear Tina that this date is also the same as the Lonestar Knitters Knit Out and Crochet at Border's Bookstore. Anyone for combining brunch at Opal Divine's then descending on Borders to digest, knit/crochet en mass to scare the (To coin a Harlot phrase) muggles with out hooks and pointy sticks? I love the idea myself.

Now, the brunch thing is not a concrete engagement. I'll be there at (or around, you guys know me, huh Dene) 11:00 am and plan to hang around for quite a few hours and letting people drift in and out as they see fit. Just come in, grab a seat, order food and chat. You don't have to stay just cuz I am. I had planned to head off to the Knit Out around 3 pm anyway just to see what I could see and meet who I could meet. Fun stuff, dudes. Plus, there are yarn stores in town to hit up. Seriously.

If you don't make it to the restaurant and you see me at the Knit Out? For the love of wool people, stop me and say hi. I don't bite unless you ask nicely or spill queso on your shirt. Then all bets are off. But I would love to meet as many as I can cuz I'm a total dork. Just ask Christina. She knows what a big dork I am.

Who's going? Who all do I get to meet? Who all do I get to see again? This is gonna rule.

The Perfect Autumn & Winter Potpourri

2006-09-22T09:13:00.000-05:00

The Perfect Autumn & Winter Potpourri

This is the perfect smell for your home for the Autumn and Winter seasons. If you like the smell of fresh apple pies, Christmas cookies, fruit cakes and wassail you’ll love the way this makes your house smell.

All ingredients are option and can be changed to suit your needs or wants. Basic recipe below.

1 small apple (Don’t go for the best taste, go for the strongest smell.)

1 small orange

1 small lemon

Vanilla Extract

Whole cloves

Nutmeg

Cinnamon

Allspice

Peel the apple, orange and lemon and place the peels in a 1 qt glass sauce pot. Add vanilla and spices according to what smells good to you. Like more vanilla? Go for it. Like more cinnamon? Let your smell guide you. Add water until about an inch from the top of the pan so it covers all ingredients. Place on stove and let heat over lowest heat possible. Walk away and enjoy the scent. As the water boils out, simply add more water to keep the ingredients from burning. You can cover and refrigerate over night and the scent will last approximately 5 days. Not bad for less than $2 in fruit!

If you’re worried about wasting the fruit, cut up the apple and the orange and place in a bowl with a sliced banana. Squeeze the juice out of the lemon into the bowl, mix and enjoy a light fruit salad.

____________________________________________

Dear Anonymous,

I have no idea who you are, but I am properly freaked out now, thanks. Do I still win a prize for being chicken shit? Cuz, I totally deserve one of those. I mean sure, I know people who know me personally and read the blog, but I don't know any who know my brother. My folks, yes, but my brother?

So, tell me who you are then umm..yeah so I know if my mom is actually reading this so I quit saying things like fuckerpants.

Love,

Stalker

Because Stupid Conversations Are Hereditary

2006-09-19T14:54:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was my Mom's birthday (Happy B-Day, Boo!) and I didn't forget, but it was late when I was getting around to calling her. There was work, we needed a new vaccuum, Tinker needed toys, and I needed fruit for some potpourri. (I'll give you the recipe for the best damn homemade potpourri that will have you drooling, if you want it.) Getting home, there was hanging of the toy for Tinker to play with, assembling the new vaccuum (alone since hubby was outside) and dinner. So as I was winding up to call Mom, my cell phone rings. It's my brother.

Me: Hello?

Bro: You need to call Momma.

Me: Umm, yeah I know, it's her birthday. Hi to you too.

Bro: Then why haven't you called her yet? I was the first one to call her and I'm always the last cuz I'm an asshole.

Me: Ok, no argument there. And dude, it's called "life." You should get one.

Bro: Well I already called Larry (our oldest brother) and left him a nasty message.

Me: You so need to stop sucking up. You're already Mom's favorite and your head is so far up her butt that if she turns too fast it'll break your neck.

Bro: *Laughing his ass off* Oh like you're not Daddy's favorite.

Me: Well duh, I'm the girl, but I don't kiss his butt like you do Mom. I bet you told her you were gonna call us, didn't you.

Bro: Hell yeah

Me: Suck up.

Bro: Whatever, just call her and at least ACT like you love her.

Me: Oh what the f*ck ever, dude! Who took her on a freakin cruise?? I did. She knows I love her, and besides, none of you called me on my birthday.

Bro: I did too.

Me: Nope. Not you, Larry, Mom and Dad, the in-laws...nobody.

Bro: Well, nobody calls me on my birthday.

Me: That's cuz nobody likes you.

Bro: Why?

Me: Cuz you're an asshole.

Bro: Oh yeah. Call Momma.

Me: I will when you get the hell off my phone.

Bro: Oh yeah. Ok, see ya sis.

Me: blah blah blah.

Bro: *laughter* Bitch.

Me: *laughter* Asshole.

Don't you just love family?

At A Loss

2006-09-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

I have no idea how to follow up that last post. The response was so awesome and you guys had me in tears laughing. I cannot tell you how often I giggled while knitting the sock just thinking about that post. So, I'll go with the basics. The pattern is an adaptation of Widdershins in the Summer 2006 Knitty. Basically, I just skipped the leg part and went straight into the cuff. The yarn used was Knitpicks Parade knit up on size 3 DPNs. That sounded like I knew what I was talking about, huh.

And since I am dying at work, I will simply distract you with an overload of cuteness. I leave you with Tinker and Alex napping.

For The Record

2006-09-08T07:33:00.001-05:00

For this post, my dear Stalkees, there will be loads of sarcasm. I know shocking. For your enjoyment of this post, I recommend that anything that resides within quotation marks, such as "Hi, I'm Stalker Angie," should be read in the whiniest, nastiest, mocking, nasally voice known to man. Or woman. Think 5 year old children mocking each other with "I know you are, but what am I?" and you should be fine.

Hi! Me again. I think we need to set some things straight. I'm Stalker Angie. I stalk knitters. I crochet. I am a Crocheter. It's what I do. It's what I love to do. I do own knitting needles and they are quit pretty on their little knitting needle shelf where they will remain sitting pretty.

Don't get me wrong, I have knit in the past. A couple of scarves here, a hat or 2 there maybe even a cable once or twice. This does not even qualify me to be a knitter. I am so far from being a Knitter, it's unreal. Yes there is a difference between knitter and Knitter. You know there is. Here's my problem. In all my stalking and blog reading and such, I have become enamored with knitters and your gossamer lace shawls, your cabled sweaters, your fair isle cardigans, your quaint little socks and your felted purses. A lot of what you create has no equal in crochet. Well, not yet anyway. We're working on that and busting out of the granny square, but that's another tale for another time.

There are so many of you I consider friends and I know you mean well, but this has to stop, people. There are things in life I just don't do. I don't eat right. I don't exercise. I don't keep schedules worth a shit. I don't like cats. I don't knit socks. Stop suggesting the socks. Yes, I love sock yarn. I have lots of it. Why would I knit them? I have weird feet. I live in Texas where it is just hot as hell and we don't need socks. I don't like having my feet enclosed anyway, which is why I live in flip flops.

Every single time I wonder what project to move on to, what do I hear? "Oh, Stalker dear, you should knit some socks."

No.

"Have you tried knitting socks?"

No.

"Oh I bet you'd love knitting soooocks."

No.

"I'm not sure but look at these lovely socks I just finished."

Nice. No.

"Oooh, you could join our sock-a-long."

Hell no.

Stop it! I don't knit socks. I don't even like socks. Socks are the tool of the devil. It's like putting your feet in hell. I don't even own that many socks. Three pair of socks will see me through the winter and I only have to wash once a week. So for the very last damn time, I don't knit..

Well shit. Dammit, I blame all of you. I'm not going to start linking because it would take me forever. Oh there are some of you I blame more than the others, but I blame all of you. All of you with your parading of your socks and your self striping sock yarn. Your pretty little sock patterns that are oh so easy. You and your "Ooh look at me I knit socks." and "Aren't my socks so pretty?" and your "I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to knit socks."
Well, this doesn't make me a knitter! It's one sock! So I enjoyed knitting it. So I figured out DPNs. So I wanna make more socks. I am a crocheter! Wanna know why? Cuz 90% of you knitting suckers have cats. I hate cats! Noooo cats. I have 4 dogs. I am a crocheter. You can keep your lace and your cats all to yourselves. It's one damn sock. At least there's no..

DAMMIT! Meet Tinker. He showed up at Mom's house while I was binding off that damn sock. He lives with me and the dogs adore him. T adores him. He sleeps next to me. I blame you guys for this too. I give up. Someone hand me a crochet hook please.

Stalked! Also Hi!

2006-09-06T13:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's me! I still have a blog! I just don't know if I still have any stalkees. *pout* So yeah, life has been ever so busy and it sucks and I am trying to get back into the swing of the blogging and the stalking. I have so many blog posts to catch up on it's not even funny. Well, I'm sure the posts themselves will be funny, but you get my meaning. The hardest part of this is getting back into my groove for the blog. I have a writing style. Kinda. Sorta. Shut up, do too. I just need to remember what makes you guys snort and spew coffee on your monitors is all. Cuz, ya know, I find that shit funny.

Anywho, waaaaaaay back on Aug 19th, I went to Yarntopia cuz my arm was twisted and such. You guys know how I hate yarn stores.

This is an adorable yarn store. The folks are friendly, helpful and they have a really nice selection. So anyway as you walk in, there's this sitting area on the right with a sofa and 2 chairs and as I walk in I hear:

"I'm stalking the Stalker."

I heard it, I'm just not sure I heard it right and I'd have loved to see the look on my face as the lady on the couch repeats herself with less surety and a slight question to the statement. Good job Ang. Let's make faces at the stalkees and scare them. And who was stalking me? Why none other than the very lovely Dene!

I like Dene. You guys would like her too. She's funny and tall. OMG so tall. Yes, I know I'm short as hell. Also, shut up. Dene is awesome and we had a good time playing with yarn. I promise she was having a better time than what the above picture shows. I think I caught her off guard. This is more like Dene.

I'm angry about this picture though because it was supposed to be a stalking shot and the yarn I was hiding behind didn't make it in the picture and it just looks like I tried to shove my camera up her nose for a picture. She looks lovely though. I also learned her real name and in true stalker fashion, I'm so not sharing. My info. All mine. Mwuahahahaha....*cough*...sorry.

So Hi Dene!! Maybe next time lunch can be involved cuz you were a blast to talk to. There might have been yarn purchases, but we're not saying. What happens in the yarn store stays in the yarn store, right? Like a mini Vegas? Hee!

So I've noticed something rather odd, and you guys can tell me if I just need to lay off the crack, if I just have an obsession or if it's just this way. I try my damnest not to judge people on the way they look. Some of the sweetest people I know can scare children and adults alike just by walking in the room. By the same token, I know some physically beautiful people that will rip your heart out because they want to. Granted, there are moments when some people just make me think "Oh someone needs a makeover soooo bad." But I slap myself mentally and try to find pleasant things about people.

Then there's knitters. What's the deal with knitters? I've met several in person now, I've seen a horde of them when I met the Harlot, and lots of them post their pics on their blogs. So what is it about knitters that there aren't any ugly ones? Why haven't I met any ugly knitters? Do they just appear beautiful to me because they have yarn with them? Is it because they are usually draped in something hand knit that we can fondle? Everytime I see a picture on a knitting blog I'm all "Oh wow, she's pretty/cute as hell/beautiful." Why haven't I seen a pic on a blog that made me say "Well, it's a lovely shawl....she should stick to pics of FO's."

Is it possible with all of my stalking I have just become enamored of knitters as a whole? If someone in need of a serious makeover picks up knitting needles and yarn, will I think they're pretty all of a sudden? Maybe we don't need makeover shows. Maybe we just need to teach everyone to carry yarn with them and everyone will be pretty and shiny. Maybe I need to lay off the wine coolers for a while. Or dammit, maybe you're all just that damn lovely.

Hiatus

2006-08-22T17:37:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry my dear Stalkees! We had a new software version release and I have been avalanched by calls at work. Home is currently for laying on my couch and staring into space and hoping nobody speaks to me.

"Yes sir/ma'am, we are aware there is an issue with that process in the software and our development team is working on it. We hope to have a solution as soon as possible to get it out to your agency."

I've said that at least 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times today.

Know what really sucks? I had an awesome weekend, got stalked and took pictures. I am hoping to be able to tell you that story soon cuz it's funny and y'all need a good laugh. I know I do.

Worst part? I haven't even been able to stalk ANYONE yet this week. You may pity me now. Break over. Hugs. Send alcohol. Or Chocolate. Or yarn. K? Thx.

Not Even A Little Surly

2006-08-18T11:17:00.001-05:00

So I had my wine cooler and I didn't even get touchy. I did, however, get giggly as hell and slept like a baby Wednesday night. Experiment successful I suppose. Did I mention I felt like a total retard sitting in my house drinking? Hell, even buying the wine coolers were difficult for me. If I am going to someone's house and I buy wine to take as a gift, I always find some way to mention it's NOT FOR ME. Yes, I am an adult. When it's convenient. Shut up.

So anyway, I think I'm supposed to do the wine cooler thing about once every other night cuz, you know, feeling retarded for drinking in your own house will de-stress anyone (she says with oodles of sarcasm). I will say though, that T had an awesome time having a giggly wife. He would say stupid shit and I thought it was funnnnny.....so yeah. Also, he thinks it's an awesome thing to have a tickle war with a giggly wife and he fights dirty, y'all. He starts doing the Jaws theme and I ALWAYS start giggling when he does and I can't fight while laughing. Cheating bastard. Cheater McCheaterson. I do, however, appreciate the lengths you guys went through to help me along in my alcoholism. I found it awesome and hilarious to read comments suggesting different alcohols to try. You guys soooo rock. Also, for future reference? Raspberry = Ewwwww! Just sayin.
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So Sunday is my dad's birthday, so I'll be going down to Katy, Tx. on Saturday and spending the night. I'm a total Daddy's Girl and always have been. In high school I was a choir geek and my senior solo was the song Daddy's Hands and it made him cry. I have made him cry other times, but those weren't warm fuzzy moments so we'll just move on, k? Thanks.

I have a yarn dilemma though. See, Katy has a relatively new yarn store there that's like, huge and stuff? And I wanna go? But I'm flat ass broke? Cuz the insurance company hasn't paid T for his disability time off for a month and stuff? But dammit, I really wanna go. I know they have fabulous yarns. What would you do? Multiple choice format, please choose one answer only.

a.) Avoid the store! It will be there when you have money again! You don't hit the corner when you can't afford the crack!

b.) Go to the store just to look around. Take a notebook and write down the things you'd really like to go back for. This will also give you the opportunity to look online and see if you can find it cheaper. It's possible to go and not buy anything and act responsibly. (Yes, I giggled like an idiot the whole time I typed that)

C.) You have money in your savings account right? What's the problem? It's not like your taking bread off the table. Take a little money out of savings for a little something for you.

D.) Why is this even a question? Close yarn store, money in savings that's YOURS and the insurance company has to pay T sometime......duh.

E.) OMG you selfish tart! It's your Dad's birthday, not yours! Use some of your savings money to buy HIM something or if you buy yarn, at least buy something you'll use to make him something. Damn, woman!

And....vote!

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Saturday, October 14th is being worked on diligently. I have a couple of phone calls in to suggested restaurants and they are being picky and wanting numbers closer than "somewhere between 10 and 40 knitters/crocheters/bloggers." If anyone wants to start compiling lists of people you know are going let me know. It could help to be able to pinpoint numbers a bit better. Also, if anyone wants to step up and kinda coordinate things in your area, that would be cool too. Car pooling is a great idea for folks. Also, email me. We're only 2 months away. Hee!

Update: I have caved to the pressure (and cuz I want to) and I will be at Yarntopia tomorrow. I'll try and get there by 10:30 am, but warning, I am late to everything. I should be fine, after all, I managed to not buy anything when I went to see the Harlot. We'll see. hehe

Argh And Also Erg And Stuffs.

2006-08-16T14:18:00.000-05:00

Ok, so there's supposed to be a post here. Yep, and it's supposed to be entertaining and such. Yep. Hmmm....by the way, you people are a hoot. I lurv my commenters. Blogger really needs to make it easier to respond by email cuz I feel like a total dork weed commenting on my own blog to reply to the comments.

So anyway, not much going on. There's some knitting and crocheting, of course, but nothing worth reporting on at the moment. I mean, yay, I knit one more row! Or, yay! I made another granny square that looks JUST LIKE the last 20 I showed you. Not exactly inspring. Also, is it bad that I am beginning to resent work? Cuz it sooooo takes away from time I could be knitting or crocheting. See, right now I knit during my lunch hour (I work while I actually eat lunch so I can have more yarn time) and I hate having to stop, put away the yarny goodness and go back to work dealing with people who whine. Every time I end up with a bitchy customer I can't help but think "Hmm....I could so be knitting/crocheting right now but nooooo" and I'm afraid it may come across in my voice.

Maybe I can have myself committed to the bouncy castle and they'll let me knit and crochet all day as therapy and then I can write a book about how yarn saved my mind and kept me from going totally mental. It will sell millions and then I can stay home to knit and crochet and write a book about how yarn and the previous book kept me from going mental. It'll be great. It would be a funny book too. Cuz dammit, I'm funny. Also, serious isn't in my DNA. That gene skipped me completely.

Is it selfish to want to stay home and knit/crochet all day and design patterns to make googobs of money? Or maybe not even googobs. Maybe just enough to, you know, pay bills and fly around the country stalking. Cuz stalking isn't crazy at all. I could go to fiber festivals and be an attraction! "Come meet Stalker Angie! She's totally batshit! You'll love her! Don't get your fingers too close to her yarn, she bites." I'll be in the stall between the sheep and the llamas. I'll be the crazy chick playing with yarn and rocking back and forth. There might be drooling.

So T thinks I am stressing myself out too much. I'm not sure where he is getting the idea really. So I get nauseated and lose my lunch daily. Doesn't everyone? No? Well damn. Part of it is worrying about money, the house, T's health, my health and not enough yarn time. The other part of it is work. No, I'm not stressed about work in the traditional sense. It's kinda hard to explain. Cuz I'm weird, that's why.

See, most people hate deadlines and they hate having 100 things thrown at them and they cannot abide chaos. I thrive on chaos. If you hand me 3 projects to do and tell me they are all 3 due in a week, oh and you need these 5 reports done by then oh and this customer has an issue you need me to help on, then my brain clicks into happy mode and I excel at my job. If I have to sit here with X amount of time between calls and very little else to do in between, then tell me I can't play with yarn on the clock, I go into stress mode. I cannot handle boredom at work. I feel like excess baggage. I don't want a lot of down time at work.

Also, I love the nit-picky shit. Don't hand me the obvious. I love researching issues and finding a resolution. I love when my yarn is knotted, too. I know. It's not contagious, I promise. When I worked retail and got over stressed, I headed down to accessories and got out the bin of tangled necklaces and worked on them until I was calm again. I play a lot of puzzle games. Not word puzzles, but visual puzzles. Mental puzzles. For a mental person. So yeah, I'm the only person I know that can be bored and totally stressed because of it. Now if they would let me KNIT OR CROCHET at my fucking desk, problem solved. But nooooooo we have to find new projects for me. *sigh* At least my supervisor cares enough to understand me and try to find new reports for me to do and find other projects nobody else wants.

So the point of all of this random rambling form the mind of a crazy person, is that T is trying to turn me into an alcoholic. Seriously. See, I'm not a drinker. If we go out to lunch and everyone orders margarita's, I'll be the one with the iced tea. Others drinking doesn't bother me, I just. Don't. Drink. I've been drunk maybe 5 times in my whole life. When T started having a lot of stress issues, the doctor actually recommended ½ - 1 beer a day. It says something when you go home, open the fridge and stare for a full 5 minutes before you yell, "There's beer in our fridge!" and the hubby replies with, "Damn, you are observant, baby." And you wonder why I marvel that I have let him live this long.

So anyway, stress, blah blah blah, bored, blah blah blah, alcoholic. T seems to think his "prescribed therapy method" (Yes, this cracks me the hell up everytime he says it) would work for me. I don't care for beer. I'm so over wine having worked in an import wine store and going to wine tastings all the time. Hard liquer is so not me. I'm flabbergasted by beer in my fridge. Can you imagine if I found Jack Daniels in the house? I might faint dead away. Or hell, I might cook with it. MMmmmmm. Oh sorry. So the solution he came up with is wine coolers. Ok, I can handle a wine cooler. I hope. I am gonna feel so damn stupid if I go home tonight, open a wine cooler (a wine cooler for fuck's sake) and get totally sloshed. From one.

Oh, and the reason I don't drink? I am a mean drunk. A seriously mean drunk. As perky and happy as I am sober, you get me drunk and I will punch people in the face for no reason other than I think it's funny as hell when I am drunk. This has been proven many times over. Drunk Stalker = Mean Stalker. Bad stalker. No yarn. I'll let ya know on Friday if T has become a battered husband. *cringe*

P.S For someone who didn't have shit to post, I sure can ramble.

Who You Calling Easily Amused?

2006-08-14T11:21:00.000-05:00

You guys will never guess in a million years what I got to do this weekend. No, seriously, try and guess. Nope, not that. Erm....that's none of your business, but try again. Give up? Huh? I'm all giddy with excitement. Picture me standing tall (well, as tall as I ever can), chest puffed out (some of you will enjoy that more than others, heehee.) and hands on hips in a very old Superman pose. Are you ready? Drumroll please!!!

I, Stalker Angie, shaved my legs!

Yay!!! Woohoo!!! Go me. Umm....hooray? Yes, I am in my 30's, why? Ok, maybe you're not getting the picture here. I had a gimpy hip. This does not make for standing on the right leg long enough to shave the left one. I just can't go around half shaved. Also, sitting in the bathtub to shave is not an option with a bad hip either. How the hell do you get back out? So this is a milestone! Oh for Pete's sake people, I hadn't shaved in 3 weeks. I had Yeti's flirting with me in the grocery store. It wasn't pretty. My dear, darling husband who is still alive and you may wonder why in just a moment, actually said to me, "Aww, it's so cute when you cuddle with the two dogs on the loveseat. Oh wait, those are your legs. Nevermind." Then he walked away chuckling at his own comic genius. And he's still alive. Feel free to ponder that one.

For those of you who stopped by for pictures of clean laundry, my sincerest apologies. I did do laundry, I just didn't photograph the process. I still have a load to do tonight in case anyone is really, really interested.

Also, you know what else was supposed to happen this weekend? I was gonna dye yarn with kool aid for the first time. I was! I was all excited. I was just gonna do a single color on a small bit to test it and see how the process went. Woke up Saturday ~~morning~~ afternoon and got myself some coffee, played on the computer a bit, and talked with hubby who was not drinking coffee. So we have us a conversation. You guys know how this goes.

Me: You're not having coffee?

T: Oh I had some this morning. You know, while you were asleep? All morning?

Me: Whatever Mr. Morning Person. Did you make tea?

T: I was going to until I saw the 2 packets of kool aid. That's good stuff. I haven't had koolaid in forever. Thank you for getting it.

Me: ...........

T: What?

Me: *whimper*

T: Oh hell what did I do now?

Me: You drank my yarn dye!

T: Oh good we had our crack this morning. What are you talking about??

Me: I was gonna use the kool aid to dye yarn!

T: Well there's half a jug left. Go dunk your yarn or something.

Me: You are so dumb.

T: I'm not the one dipping yarn in kool aid.

Me: It's a proven method! It's been blogged! You drank my yarn dye. Dork.

T: Ok. Yeah. I did. Would you like a glass of yarn dye?

Me: Yes, please. With ice.

Y'all, that yarn dye was pretty tasty. Guess next time I should by some for us then hide the rest, huh.

Because I Will Obviously Post Damn Near Anything

2006-08-11T10:19:00.000-05:00

Hooray for Fridays! I am so glad this week is over. It's been a rough one. I want to thank everyone who commented on Monday's Pity Party Post. I would just about get a grip, then someone would comment and I go all weepy again. This is a good thing as it's really what I needed. I needed to be able to wallow in my own darkness and despair (so dramatic) for a while and just let it out of my system. This was ok cuz I have an awesome supervisor who understands, having lost a husband recently to cancer. This was not ok when I got home and would receive a comment that would send me into weeping again. T was very concerned about my apparent eye leakage. I chalked it up to PMS for him and he didn't pry. I have trained him well. I have found my sunny disposition again (bastard was hinding under the sofa) and all is right with the world. You guys rock. Seriously.

Good news!!! I am no longer cane bound! The hip is healing along nicely and I hardly even limp now which is pretty damn awesome. This also means I have to start working the hip, but hey, there are other activities besides walking, yes? Hee! Oh. Sorry. Somewhat family friendly. Umm...I was speaking of water aerobics! I was! I swear.....really? *ahem* *innocent whistle*

So.....damn.....not much has been going on. I've been knitting, but it's not really worth mentioning at this point. Ditto on the crochet. I have a few projects on the back burner but nothing that needs to be discussed at this time. I umm...hhmm...I gave one of the dogs a bath but that's not exactly exciting. I went on a cleaning spree on Tuesday but hell, that's boring too. I don't discuss work that much so it's not like I have any funny anecdotes. Well, you definitely deserve better than this tripe I've typed so far.

So, let's stalk, shall we?

Ryan has the latest "possible" numbers for the Dulaan Project, and it's staggering, people. She's also giving away yarn to people who wanna go to her house in Seattle. If you're close, pop on over to her site for details.

Dorky Erin has an awesome vintage purse she is relacing the lining for. She's balloting on which fabric to line it with so go put in your 2 cents.

Amanda has had some good news on her site and her daughters are pretty as ever.

Poor Norma Dear is so swamped with work she turned off her comments! We'll send loving thoughts her way.

P-La scored with her sock kit pal. Looks pretty awesome.

Someone finished her Eris and it's beautiful! However, it seems she celebrated by going out and killing defenseless Muppets. Strange.

Steph actually started Joe's gansey. I think the world may stop now. She's been spinning it for what, over a year now. Not that she's busy with kids, home, husband, blog, books and touring or anything.

Cookie is Kicking the Can with Norma and the can seems to be kicking back. Go show her some love.

S t a c i is showing off some tiny religious figurines. She has a chewed up Jesus. I don't know why it makes me giggle, but I know my chances of salvation are still pretty good. I believe Big J has a sense of humor. God definitely does.

Nikki has a new wee babe chihuahua. Too cute.

Sachi is peddling awesome knitting bags from Knitpicks.com and her spinning makes you drool.

Susan has pictures of not just socks, but a lovely girl child in said socks. Cute kid, cute socks and a Ken doll. Solid Gold baby.

Lee Ann co0ntinues to get better. In fact, she seems to be well enough to flash her arse to the Quebec police. Hehe

NanC is having her 6th anniversary today. Congrats!

So that's our stalking for the day. I don't think I've ever posted actual internet stalking. It was just assumed I did this activity. Hmmm.

Anyway, Monday seems to be more promising in the post department. Don't ask me why. It's not like I have plans for the weekend. Hell, you may just get pictures of my laundry. I promise only to post the clean. Eww.

Happy Birthday, Christina!!

2006-08-08T11:06:00.003-05:00

It's Christina's birthday today. Go say hi. Give birthday wishes. Also, her hubby is coming home today on leave and that's ever so exciting. So go visit! Now! Why are you still here? I linked her. Several times. She's on the sidebar, too. Stop reading this! Damn!

(Update: Her hubby isn't coming home on leave. His ship is coming in and he's taking leave. Oops.)

Happy Birthday, my (picky! hee) friend. Enjoy your day and may you get everything you want.

Enter At Own Risk

2006-08-07T09:26:00.000-05:00

This is not a happy, funny or light post. If you don't like the heavy stuff, come back Wednesday. I don't mind and I completely understand. I just need to vent in some form or fashion and tag, the blog is it. Today is an angry day. No, I'm not angry, I'm pissed. My husband fell this morning. Seems his MS is fucking with his balance now. This has been going on for weeks but he hasn't fallen before, he just got dizzy.

I only reacted enough to verify he hadn't been physically hurt by the fall. I say physically, because I know emotionally and psychologically, it's damaging as hell. We got him up, dusted him off and I got ready for work. Then I cried the whole way to work. Normally his MS doesn't get to me this bad, but I am really feeling it right now. If he is getting dizzy spells now, how long before he is in a wheelchair? How long before he's bed-ridden? How long before this shitty disease shuts down the part of his brain that keeps his heart beating? Or his lungs functioning? How long before I have to decide if he should be on life support or this shit disease takes that choice from me?

I work in a room with 4 other woman. All 4 of them have buried a husband. They joke that I'm not in the widow's club but here recently I get that lovely word running through my head. It's only 3 letters but it seems huge. The word is YET. And it pisses me off. I hate it. I want to scream and cry and rant at the world but there's nobody to yell at. I don't want to bury my husband at a young age. We want children but there's new studies showing MS may be hereditary. I get angry with family members who don't understand. I want them to back the fuck off without having to scream at them. I don't want to ask his mother if she wants to bury her son just to get her to stop nagging him about taking time off from work.

I hate watching him break down and weep in frustration. I hate watching him fight off depression. I hate watching him rage against everyone because there's really no one to blame. I hate that I am fascinated when he sleeps because he's so still. So quiet and peaceful. So everything he's not when he's awake. I love his laugh and I hate the fact that when I hear it I try to hold onto it and save it. My head says there will be plenty of laughs. My heart tells me I need to hold each and every single one as dear as I can so I can remember them.

My husband is so far from perfect it's scary. He's an ass, he's unforgiving, he's messy and he's selfish. I have people who can (and will) vouch for this. He's demanding, overly possessive and protective to a fault. He's also loving, gentle, playful, intelligent and funny. He puts up with all of my shit and still manages to say he loves me and mean it. He's never said "You have too much yarn." He's convinced I can do anything I set my mind to and he's always supported any life altering decisions I make. MS is threatening to take that away and I want to hurt someone responsible and there's nobody there.

It's exhausting to cry in the car and go inside and pretend your world isn't falling apart. I'm tired of being supportive all the time and not letting him see me break down. He thinks I'm strong and that I am taking it all in stride. He praises me for putting up with his mood swings and loving him enough to not leave him because of his disease. I'm not brave. I'm not strong. I'm scared and angry and hurting but it would tear him apart if he thought he was causing me pain, even inadvertently.

I'm going to get through work, drive home and then sleep. I'll wake up tomorrow and find my happy place again all will be right with the world. Until then, I'm going to knit and try not to use my needles as weapons. I'm also going to smoke (not at the same time as knitting though) and try not to use stupid people for ashtrays. It's not a great plan, but it's a plan.

It's Not Even A Hurricane Anymore People....

2006-08-04T14:30:00.000-05:00

There's no real post today my dear Stalkees because all of the insurance agencies in Florida are going crazy over what is now a tropical depression. I know they're leary, scarred and jaded, but damn people. If you're that nervous, I hear there's lots of room in Montana. Florida may not be the state for you. Just sayin'.

This was supposed to be a post full of some philosophical shit that almost makes me sound intelligent, but only if you're easily fooled. There was going to be discussions of optimists, pessimists and realists and the differences of each. I am an optimist. T is a pessimist. He claims to be a realist. He must have one harsh reality. We'll have this discussion at a later date.

Basically I am actually real excited about a Meet N' Greet (everyone is invited. Come to Austin. You'll love it.) and it seems to be getting a positive response. So here's the deal for today:

What: First Annual (maybe only, who knows) Texas Knitters Meet N' Greet

When: Saturday, October 14, 2006 (all freaking day, baby!) (Saturday sounded good in case you wanted to grab a hotel room for the night if the drive is long.)

Where: Austin. Some restaurant. Probably Mexican food since everyone seems to like it and P-La and I have a queso fetish.

Who: Well, everyone. Whoever reads this and wants to go. Whoever you want to invite along. Since when did we become elitists? The more the merrier. This is all about meeting other Texas (or wherever) Knitters/Crocheters/Bloggers/Crazies. I am the shyest person I know. Seriously. My self confidence is total shit. YOU can do this. come play.

What I would like is suggestions on restaurants that are easy to find (Dear God make them easy to find) so I can call them and see if they can handle a crowd. Then once a restaurant is decided we'll see who all wants to come play so I can give fair warning to said restaurant. Then we can meet, greet, eat and possibly descend upon some poor unsuspecting yarn store. Glee!

Suggestions and or (really) early RSVP's can be sent to either the gmail account in the sidebar to the right, posted in the comments or sent directly to ami0701 AT earthlink DOT net where you will be shuffled into the junk folder until I can rescue you. The fun never ends.

Oops, break is over. Gotta go sooth some agitated insurance agents.

Who's going to Austin?!?

Visitations

2006-08-02T12:01:00.001-05:00

Well.....Hi there! Wow. I'm a better Stalker than I thought. So many awesome new people I have now met on the interweb because I took pictures of them. I'm getting around to stalking everyone and saying "Howdy!" and then those blogs are leading to other bloggers who were also at the Harlot sighting and it's just. So. Crazy.

Speaking of, you Texas knit bloggers are a few biscuits short of breakfast, ain't ya. I am having some serious Stalker love for all of you right now. I am considering seeing if anyone is interested in a luncheon meet & greet (cuz y'all, I saw some of the after party lunches and I am so jealous) and getting together in Austin, just cuz. I know, insane right?? Any thoughts or is anyone interested in trying to piece together a meet n' greet for Austin? Towards the Fall when we won't melt cuz we stepped outside? Cuz I would so be in.

I so wish I had had some semblance of sleep for that day and that I hadn't been gimpy. I'm normally not so stand-offish and have been know to walk up to people at events and loudly proclaim, "Hi! I'm Angie and you're new." This scares the new people at work, too. I also would have wheedled my way into one of those lunches and had a grand time. Have I mentioned I'm loud? I can be. I have good lungs for a smoker. I must say, it was still so awesome to see all of the knitters gather and be able to take pictures. There was also fun when I got home. Yes, it's time for another retarded Stalker/T conversation.

Me: Look at all the knitters and bloggers! I have awesome pictures.

T: Damn....That's a lot of people.

Me: Yeah. Hehe

T: So, who's that?

Me: No idea. A knitter. Isn't she cool?

T: Umm....Ok. So who's the lady with the...is that a Ken doll??

Me: Yep!

T: So who is she?

Me: Not a freakin clue but I blogged her! How cool is that? She knit him bermuda shorts!

T: Baby, do you know who any of these people are?

Me: They're knitters?

T: ..........

Me: Well, what?? They were there and they knitted and stuffs so I stalked them! The word is out there, baby. They'll come visit, see themselves and tell me who they are. I will meet them through blogging them.

T: You honestly think that's going to work? Are you on drugs? What are they putting in wool these days? I notice you people sniff it a lot.

Me with the pursey lipped, narrow eyed angry face: You'll see. You underestimate the power of the blog side.

T: Whatever, Dork Vader.

Me: Jerk

And what happened? So who won that argument, Obese One Kenobi? I did! That's right! Hah! And stuff. Yay knit bloggers! Yay internet! You guys rule.

So, responses to comments since Blogger doesn't always allow for emailed responses which sucks.

Christina - I totally got to hold the sock. Although I found out later that some people took advantage of a Harlot potty break and molested the sock. Shocking, I know. Hee!

Staci - Dig the handbag. Lurv the face eating sunglasses. Really. Very retro. I'll be over later for some TV Theme Song, k? I'll bring snacks.

P-La - I missed a Stitch N' Pitch in Texas?? WTF?? And there was nacho cheese spillage?? *cry* I demand a re-enactment! Hehe

Sachi - Right back at ya babe. *wink*

Kristin - Argh!!! Argh I say!!! I was like what, 3 feet from you? I call do over!

Caro - Lurv the Orangina. Ees veddy veddy nice. Pssstt, Susan, just kidding about the anger face. Hee!

Chris - Grr. You totally owe us a trip to Austin for a meet up now. Bring NanC and the rest of the grrls. You know you wanna. :)

Stacy - If it's any consolation, I didn't do a whole lot of introducing myself either cuz I felt like a dork for even thinking the words, "Hi, I'm Stalker Angie." It all felt like I should have on a polyester leisure suit with big gold chains and like I should lean back and do the finger pointy gun shooty thing with my hands then say it like, " Yo, I'm Stalker Angie, babe. What's your guage? Rowr..."

Meg - You sat in my pew. Not only am I in shock, but my juvenile side is now making me giggle like a moron. Yay! Sorry we didn't get to truly meet.

Childe - Blogless? I need a link woman! I cannot stalk without a link! Oh and yes, we seriously need to all meet up again. I feel like such a heel for not meeting more people. Chickie, I even checked over at Ryan's and the Harlots, scanned for comments and there's no link there, either. *le sigh*

Susan - You and Ken are now famous. You have been stalked by several people and it's a good schtick, let me tell ya. Also? I promise, no dead animals from me. I cannot vouch for any neighborhood cats who really, really like you though.

Jo - Hooray for stalking! It's an awesome gig. Ken was kinda hunky in the shorts, huh.

So, I may have some knitting updates for you on Friday, depends on how much knitting I get done. I just found out that my overly wealthy sister-in-law and her hubby are coming down from Colorado soon and want to come by my house. Which is still in a state of dog induced destruction. And I'm gimpy. Maybe we can claim no A/C and spend a quiet evening on the porch. Yeah, I like that. Easier than having to vacuum. Heee!

Update: You guys leaving comments are cracking me the hell up. I'm seriously grinning like an idiot. Who knew Texas had so many knitters? Definite Meet N' Greet in the Fall. I may do one in Dallas then again in Austin. No, I'm not going "on tour" I just seriously wanna meet you guys. Too fun. Yay!

You Harlot!

2006-07-31T14:16:00.001-05:00

I. Met. The. Yarn. Harlot. I did. I so did. I stalked her and everything. So let me tell ya the story.

I spent Friday night at mom's cuz she's closer to Austin and she had thought she might be able to go and she had my first 2 Harlot books from reading them and such. Then she and I got to talking on Friday night and the next thing I knew, it was 7 am and I had to hop in the shower to leave her house by 8 and be in Austin on time. That's right folks. No sleep. I didn't care. There was stalking to be done.

So off I head to Austin, cane in hand, worried that when I get to meet her I am going to totally dork out. I probably did, but I have an excuse. Ha! Anyway, I wasn't worried about falling asleep because I love the drive to Austin, where the motto is "Keep Austin Weird," so there's always something entertaining on they way. Like this little gem. Female biker. Love the license plate.

Rocket Bunny, indeed. Yes, we were stopped at a red light. Jeez, people. Do you think I take pictures while driving?? Ok, yeah so I took this one (and literally 8 more just like it) on the way.

This is why I could never fall asleep on this drive. It's gorgeous. It's like going through tree tunnels...and I think we all know how I feel about trees, huh. So, gorgeous drive, blah blah, motorcycle babes, blah blah. I found the church where she was speaking (does anyone else find this slightly ironic? Yes? No? ok) with no problem what so ever and man....was there a crowd! Here's the early crowd from my vantage point..

And that's just from 2 angles. I didn't get what was behind me. She had a nice turn out! I must say, it was a bit creepy to find people in the crowd knew who I was. If you guys papparazzi'd me, let me know would ya? I wanna come see how bad the pics turned out. To top off the heat of the day (Steph agreed with me that it was damn hot) my face broke out like 2 days before from my hip meds and I swear I had 15 yr old boys stopping me on the street giving me Clearasil money. It was sad.

So anyway, Steph was introduced as "Just another Harlot on South Congress" and we all laughed, but Steph? You're not just any Harlot, k? And here she is! Blogging us!

I know everyone says it, and it always comes across as sucking up to Steph or just, I don't know, insincere, but dudes, she's awesome. No, I am not gonna fall at her feet and worship her (unless my hip gives out and she calls 911 for me) and I know she's not perfect, but she is quite something. She's funny as hell. She had us rolling with tears in our eyes. Or it might have been lack of sleep. I don't know. I do know I watched her while I was in line after the reading and over at Hill Country Weavers and she treated each person individually with care and spent time with everyone. She viewed and commented on projects, asked about blogs....she is a lot more patient than me. Just another way we are polar opposites. She is also, quite lovely. Proof!

Before I got up to meet here, there was another lady in line who's name was Angie. Steph asked her if she was Stalker Angie. She was not. So I worked up nerve and went with the dorky and yelled "Steph!" She looked at me and I told her that I was, in fact Stalker Angie and I got the same response as Skitter; "Wow, you're a real person!" This cracks me up. It must be pretty awesome to travel the country and meet all these people. So then I got up there and I am so impressed that I didn't go total fan girl on her and just start screaming. Point for me. But I did get a Harlot hug, and we talked, we laughed, we blogged....

I totally dorked out when I got to hold the sock.

The lady behind me in the red skirt does NOT look amused. I'm sorry I took too long. Really. I know how bad the heat was. I promise. I know how hard the line was too. Thank you for not beating me with your circulars.

We discussed how now that we are face to face, polar opposites getting along, it was a bit disappointing because I think we both expected world peace to descend. I fully expected the middle east to suddenly sit down, pull out yarn and needles and discuss gauge and swatches. Someone in line said they would check the news when they got home. I like that person.

I didn't want to leave. I wanted to steal the stool next to her and just chill with her while she made nice with everyone. Or maybe I just wanted to sit and get off the gimpy hip. We may never know. I would, however, seriously love to spend an afternoon of tea/wine/beer and knitting with her. I think it would be a total hoot.

So I ended my Harlot adventure, stepped outside and stalked.

I uhh...don't know who these people are. By then I didn't know who I was. If you're in the picture, tell me! Hee!

I also got to meet Very Pink (very briefly, she liked my shirt) who is in one of these photos I believe. It was all a whirlwind but it was all wonderful.

Growth

2006-07-28T09:20:00.000-05:00

I have been avoiding the back part of my yard. Oh, I go outside and play with Bonnie and Clyde, or to BBQ or such, but I avoid the back part of it. The reason being that the back part of my yard used to contain a pear tree that was reduced to this during the fence construction.

This still bothers me. I cried for a week when my dad cut down a silver maple because it threatened his precious swimming pool. Now, I know pools are expensive, but damn, could you look into how extensive the root system is before you plant it? Cuz, it would have been easier. I know I've said it before, but I have a thing for trees.

I like the sound of the ocean but I hate the beach. I like the look of mountains but I don't want to climb them. Deserts have a sparse beauty to them but I don't really wanna visit them. Wide, open plains have a grace about them with their tall blowing grasses and their breath taking open skies but I feel too exposed. Trees I have love for.

Give me a forest with tall, majestic trees reaching to the sky. Give me the sound of the wind blowing through them as their leaves rustle with the movements of the earth. Give me the steady drip of trees after a rain storm. Trees provide food, shelter, shade and oxygen. They are a place to rest, a place to play and a place to live. In the Spring they fill the air with new growth and the flowers of the fruiting trees. In the heat of Summer, they give us shade from the sun and rustle to let us a know a cooling breeze is headed for us. In the Fall, they give us beauty in the final blazes of color transformations before the leaves fall. In the Winter, they provide a stark, skeletal beauty against the gray Winter skies.

Imagine my delight when I stepped out in my backyard and actually walked back to the back fence to see this.
That, my dear friends, is a baby pear tree. It's coming up from the root system and I cannot tell you the amount of whooping and hollering that went on in my backyard. So to the fence builders who cut it down I say, "Take that, you troglodyte chattel!! Viva la Poire!" And in less fancy English/French combo, "Ha! Kiss my ass, tree killers!!" To the pear tree, I say, "Grow, baby, grow. You got a few months to get big enough to survive the Winter. I'll do what I can for ya."

In knitting news (yes, it says knitting. I do know how, ya know.), this baby continues to grow.

This is made of the Touch Me yarn I got on my Dallas trip. I...I don't know what it's going to be. I really don't. I'm not sure I care either. I'm not worried about the end result. I am just enjoying working with this yarn. It will either be a wide scarf, a short stole or a big square to roll nekkid on. Like I said, this is all about the working with this yarn. I can also work it without my hands hurting and that's been wonderful. This project is also about re-teaching myself to knit. Seems I hold the yarn continental and wrap the yarn wrong so all my stitches are twisted. I re-learning how to yarn over so I don't get twisty stitches. It's a slow process, let me tell ya.

Tomorrow I am driving to ~~Dallas~~ Austin (Sorry, I miss my Dallas Grrls.)to meet Stephanie, the Yarn Harlot. Guys, I get to stalk her in person. I should like, wear a mask and stuff except that would be beyond creepy for her and this is Texas. The headlines would read "Stalker Suffocates In Superwash!" or something equally stupid. Too hot. Plus, I am so looking forward to meeting my dear polar opposite. Hee!!

See you guys Monday when I come down off my Harlot high.

Additions

2006-07-26T07:54:00.000-05:00

Look! It's the promised post from 2 of the previous posts! With pictures! And lots of exclamations!

This is a long, picture heavy post, my dear Stalkees, so bear with me while it all loads up. It's been a hectic couple of weeks at Casa de la Stalker with plenty to blog and it's not all about deflecting shit from Lee Ann during her recovery. Who, by the way, looks awesome and has a new weapon in the clearance section of her LYS. Sweetheart, if they try to take the yarn you were ogling, whip off the awesome skull durag and tell them the scar is from the last fight you had over yarn and that you were the winner of that one. Then grin at them. Then email me so I can laugh and laugh. It'll be so awesome.

Anyway, back to me, yay. So like I said, it's been hectic. There was the fence building and so forth and there has been just lots of throwing shit away from my house. We have set so much crap out on the road only to check an hour later and it is mysteriously gone. This has been so entertaining we are searching the house for crap to throw out. We have a big TV console and TV in my yarn room that is going to go and we can't wait for the console to try and leave. We're going to stake out the front windows to watch on that one. Yes, we have been getting rid of crap so why is this post titled additions? Meet Bonnie and Clyde.
Bonnie is the tan and Clyde has the cream coloring. T found these poor guys on the Catahoula Rescue Message Board and asked me what I thought. What do I think about what? Who remembers Penny, the Demon Dog? We are still recovering in our house from Penny. No. No way am I bringing in TWO Catahoulas when one did so much damage. Nope. Huh uh. Then he says this to me:

"They were dumped by their previous owners who had obviously abused them and they were found on the Utah freeway system starving to death. They are in a high kill shelter and if they don't have someone claim them today, they'll be euthanized in 24 hours."

Well, shit.

So, I made the stipulations that these were HIS dogs, he takes care of them, they are never allowed inside my house, they do not mingle with the little ones at all, and I want nothing to do with them except to be allowed in my backyard. Clear enough? I think so. I hold some serious bitterness towards poor Penny. Anywho, the rescue network had a guy picking up dogs in Colorado to come this way, so he agreed (free of charge) to hop on up to Utah and grab these 2. Then he called us halfway to Texas and raved about what wonderful dogs they were. Yeah right, dude. Tell someone who will believe you.
Then they got to the Dallas region and was fostered for 2 days with the lady who watched them after their spaying and neutering, who called us and told us how wonderful they are and how her 2 year old rides Clyde around like a horse. Whatever lady. You are so not gonna convince me that any Catahoula is "wonderful." Then hubby went up to Hillsboro, Texas and got them. When I got home from work that day I knew I had to go meet them and face them and deal with them being in my backyard. Ugh. Hubby had already called me a told me they were shy, skiddish and a bit stand-offish due to previous abuse. Great. I get to deal with mental dogs.

I get home, play with the little ones for a while and T comes in to lead me out back to meet the new dogs, warning me that they may not come to me at first. So I step outside, sit in one of the deck chairs and say "Hi, Bonnie and Clyde. Welcome home." They both came up to me, sniffed me, wagged their tails and laid their heads in my lap. It still brings tears to my eyes. I love these dogs. We've had some work and there's still a lot left to do but they have come so far. They are always happy to see us, they no longer cringe if we move too fast and they are beginning to finally play after almost 3 weeks. When we first got them, if you threw a toy they tucked tail and ran the opposite direction. Neither of these dogs is over 3 years old and they don't know how to play.

They are protective of us and our home. They can both jump our new 6 foot fence, but they just go to the front yard, lay down in the grass, then go BACK into the back yard of their own accord. If we let them go in the front with us, they stay with us and could care less about any cars or people going by unless someone steps in the yard, then they growl unless we say it's ok. These guys are smart and really amazing. They are pranksters. They love to ride and at one point T had popped his trunk for something and they both hopped in the trunk ready to go. They were a booger bear to get back out. The only time we have lost control of them was when our neighbor across the street came home and lowered his tailgate to unload something out of his truck. Before we know what was happening, they were across the street and in the guys truck bed. They REALLY like to go for rides. When I hurt my hip and was laid up on the couch, Clyde kept jumping the fence to lay on the porch below the window behind the couch. It was the weirdest thing. I cannot tell you how happy I am with these 2. I still can't believe we get to keep them. We still don't let them mingle with the little ones. We're gonna keep it that way.

Also new to our home, is these little guys. Mama Wren has hatched 2 more eggs in her laundry room nest. Two yellow beaks and twice the chirping power.

Speaking of additions, I had another new addition come live with me courtesy of Erin. Meet Clucky Rooster*. Clucky came with not only the cutest card ever, but she came bearing gifts of Lorna's Laces. I now own 4 skeins in 2 colorways of this wonderful crack yarn and I still don't knit socks. What is wrong with me??

A close-up of Clucky herself.
And because it's all about the yarny goodness, a close up of the Laces.
T had a hard time figuring out why I was dancing (ok, hobbling and limping) around with a box yelling "My chicken came in, my chicken came in! Woohoo!" until I opened the box and got teary eyed and said "My chicken brought me sock yarn! *sniffle* How cool is that!?" Which is when he realized it had to do with blogger things and gave up. Thank you soooo much, Erin. She's perfect.

I leave you with the sentiment at my house of all the recent activity. I think Alex sums it up beautifully.
*For those that are my age and wondering why the name of the chicken sounds almost familiar, she was named after Punky Brewtser. Hee!

And The Wuss Of The Year Award Goes To......

2006-07-24T16:11:00.000-05:00

Me! Yay!!!!

I am a self professed wuss child. I don't like pain. I can handle a shot or when they draw blood. I can handle tattoos. I can handle a papercut ok. Dislocate my hip, get an ear infection, mess with my teeth or menstrual cramps and I turn into this whining ball of cosmically pathetic "Why me make it stop waaaah" . As we know from the last post from whenever ago, I dislocated my hip. For those of you who think you're funny, no, T does not need to be "more gentle". Perverts. Hee! Here's the story....

When I was 16 and in ever so much better condition than I am now, I was running track one day and I must have landed wrong because my right hip just dumped me on the track. I rolled over and sat up, looked down, and my right knee and foot were facing in. They aren't supposed to do that ya know. I completely popped that ball joint out of the socket. Fun stuff that. Fast forward....a few years.....and last Sunday I was helping T put a window unit A/C into our front bedroom/my yarn room. He was outside holding the accordion shutters so I could screw them into the window sill (so yeah, technically, I guess there actually was screwing involved). We have short windows so I had to kneel down. Anyone remember last year when I screwed up my left knee bowling? Ok, so we didn't want to put the pressure on that knee so we knelt on the right leg. I feel this weird popping sensation....aaaand ignore it cuz I'm stupid.

Fast forward, Monday morning. Wake up. Sit up. Stand up. Fall down. Pretty normal until that last part. I'm really not much for falling as a morning routine. Not being able to function before coffee, as we have previously discussed, I think to my self, "Damn, I am really groggy today." I get up off the floor, stumble in for my morning ritual, start coffee, pet the doggies, bend over slightly to wash my hands at the kitchen sink and down I go again. It's at this pivotal moment that the hip has decided it is really, very seriously dislocated and the pain sets in as I hit the floor. At this point there was much screaming, crying, drooling and writhing on the floor. T was looking up the number to the nearest Catholic church as he was asking me what was wrong. I'm sure I looked possessed. He gets brownie points for multi-tasking.

I stayed home Mon and Tues, I guess expecting the hip to go home when it got bored? I don't know. I'm stupid and I hate doctors. Again, it's been discussed before. I went to the doctor on Wednesday and he said "Surgery." I said, "Oh hell no. Just pop that bitch back in place like they did before. We're not doing this 'surgery' thing. No." So he rolled his eyes at me (doctors do that a lot for some reason when I go) and he and his little Marquis de Sade cronies went to work on the hip and snapped it back in. Let me tell ya, those little bastards move fast when a patient come up screaming and swinging. I never connected once. So after laying there sobbing and calling my doctor some very creative things (I may have even borrowed some of NanC's driving terms) and him looking at me like I was stupid (cuz he was all "she asked for it"...jerk) I got to go home.

So my hip is in, right? We're good, right? Sure it hurts like hell, but that will pass, right? Right. Thursday, I go to work. Stuuuuupid. There is much writhing in the chair and whining and tears and pain. Friday morning we go back to the doctor and there is hip and knee twisting and tests and x-rays and more tests and pain. Newest diagnosis? Bursitis. I cannot tell you how pleased I am to have a hip condition that is going to take for freaking ever to heal. Not only is there pain, but burning. My hip is on fire. This is not right. This is not normal. This requires extra special whining and crying on my part. On the plus side, I'm on a cane. I get to whack people in the shins and call them "sonny" and nobody, but nobody, fucks with me in the clearance aisle.

Taking in the bad mojo

2006-07-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

Miss me? Yeah, I've been laid up since Sunday with a dislocated hip. Yay! I am totally taking my cosmic lumps for Lee Ann's recovery. From reading around the interweb here, she should like, not only recover from her surgery, she should have perky breasts and tight abs, huge amounts of energy and never catch another cold as long as she lives. Here's to ya, sweetie. I'll take the gimpy hip so long as you're okay. :)

Real post tomorrow. With pictures. Ya know, the one I promised for Monday? Yeah, that one. Hee

Knock Knock...

2006-07-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

Who's there?
Dwain
Dwain who
Dwain the bathtub, I'm dwowning.

Yeah bad joke. I know. No real post today, I'm afraid. I am drowning in stupidity at work and callers who think I have a magic "fix-it" wand shoved up my butt. For the record? I don't.

Real post on Monday with pictures and everything. We have 2 new additions to the family I have to show off and there might be yarn content. Ya never know around here.

See ya Monday and have an awesome weekend!

PMS + Bad Hair Day = Drastic Hair Measures & Weeping

2006-07-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

First off, let me just say to those who may be concerned, my uterus is still where it belongs. I believe that particular crisis is over. For now. I make no promises to what may happen in a few weeks from now.

Pacalaga - I think I am the only female on the planet that wants nothing to do with chocolate during "that time." It tastes gross to me then. Any other time, bring it on.

P-la - You sure know the way to a girl's heart. :)

Norma - Thank you for making me laugh hard enough to make the hubby ask me if I was ok. Totally batshit indeed, Madam.

Chris - He knows who Ryan is cuz he's heard the name for over 2 years now and she's the one what got the Stalker Angie gig started. He's still worried I am gonna run off with her.

Ms. Ryan - You rule. You truly do.

Now, who remembers this picture?

Bad yellow lighting, bad blonde streaks, hair whacked off, and still looking too dry for it's own good. This was right after I got 7 or 8 inches of my hair cut off. And here a back side view of same haircut with less yellow lighting and a better idea of my blonde streaks.

Well, I got tired of the blonde and the tangles it caused. I got tired of the length again. I had PMS. Friday I had it all whacked off again. I didn't blog it on Monday because I was still crying. Looking at it now, it looks so much healthier and it's really pretty. All I could see over the weekend is it didn't look like I got a haircut. It looked like I dyed my hair 2 shades too dark. Yes, there's still some of the color left on some of the tips because my hair grows stupid and I didn't want it too short. Still looks cool. Hehe

Behold. The Stalker's natural color that has not been seen in over 2 years.

Now compare the 2 back views. Yeah. Its a big change.

There's shine there now. There wasn't before. There's healthy hair where there wasn't before. The color isn't bad, just not used to it. I guess I'm done crying about my hair. I'll just blame it on the PMS.

A Conversation Had Not 5 Minutes Ago.

2006-07-10T16:25:00.000-05:00

Not much to post today because I am being very girly and bloaty and crampy and dear sweet baby Jesus on a pogo stick, very, very bleedy. T made the mistake of coming over to my desk at work. In case you didn't know, we work for the same company in different departments.

Me:Hi baby, will you rip my uterus out?

T: Uh, no?

Me: Now.

T: What the hell is wrong with you?

Me: I'm crampy blah and bloaty blah and bleedy blah.

T: Well, you'll be fine. No body part rip out thing...what you said.

Me: But look, I just read where Ms. Ryan got to have hers out.

T after reading blog post: Dear God, woman! She had fibroids! You have cramps! No! Absolutely not!

Me: *whine*

T: Is Ryan going to be ok? Did you send her a get well card at least?

Me: You always liked her more than me. You suck.

T: Ok, this conversation is over. I'm going back to my desk.

Me: Fucker

T: Love you too, baby.

Someone hand me yarn. Please.

Yarn Porn or Why I Thought I needed More Yarn Or Something

2006-07-07T08:23:00.000-05:00

First off, because I know everyone is eager for yarn porn, I wanted to show something I blogged about in May and thought I had lost all the pictures for and I was lamenting the fact because this rocked. This is the Mother's Day basket I made for my mother-in-law and the only reason I wanna post it is because I am damn proud of how it turned out. After being out of retail for almost 6 years now, I still make a kick-ass basket. As always, click for a larger image.

And now, yarn porn! Yay!! Y'all, there's a lot of yarns out there I covet simply because you guys have said how yummy they are. I am, however, a very tactile person. I have to touch things. Anytime I am in any type of store I have to touch. Is that figurine as cool and smooth as it looks? if I walk by a clothing rack I skim my hand along it. So, when it comes to yarn, I have to be able to feel everything. Well let me tell ya, this weekend was a textured dream. So many different feels, wooly, alpaca clouds, angora (yummy!), silk, cotton...just...I think I touched everything in both stores.

The first thing that hopped into my basket at The Woolie Ewe was this lovely.

My first Lorna's Laces. No, I don't knit socks. Tell me how this is relevant to me buying sock yarn. Do you see it? Are you even looking at the picture? Could you have walked by that and said "No, I'll pass"???? I keep taking it out and playing with it. It's so pretty. It's so soft. It's so mine.

Speaking of sock yarn I don't knit, this little beauty jumped into my basket next. No, I don't knit socks. I also don't "trek" so piss off. Mine! My sock yarn! So preeeeetty. Sooooft. MMMmmmmm.

I had just about decided I was done. Three skeins of sock yarn I won't use was enough right? Wrong. I walked past this stuff. I read the label. I did what it told me and now this stuff owns me. I am going to make a big ass square of this stuff and just roll nekkid on it. No, it will not be blogged nor will there be pictures. Just stop that.

If you have never felt this stuff, don't. Just run away. It's yarn crack. It also comes in every color known to God. I got varied shades of purple (that dark one is aubergine, not black) and a cream color. It's going to be divine. It's so soft and cool to touch I could cry.

Next we went off to Shabby Sheep. Again, cute little store, lovely atmosphere and sooo much softness. I blame...uummm.....P-la for this one. This was her fault. I think. Or was it NanC. All I know is someone let me feel it and I forgot who was standing around me. At one point someone tried to take it away to put it up and I slapped at said hand. My apologies to whomever was hand assaulted.

Again, big square, nekkidness and no pictures. This stuff is dreamy. My first thick wonderful alpaca. Mmmmm, Stalker like very much.

Last but not least, I got my first ever Noro. This is silk garden and it wants to be a knit shawl. Anyone know an easy, non-lace, knit from the top shawl pattern that will really show this off? Cuz I am willing to beg. Seriously.
Oh and lest we forget, I FINISHED THE SHAWL!!!!! Woohoo!!!!! Here is most of the full thing looking a bit wonky due to the couch, but it's so not wonky.

It gorgeous and I love it. The feel, the weight, the colors. We are pleased. Also, a closer pic of said FINISHED shawl.

Specs:

Pattern: Sweet Pea Shawl from Stitch N' Bitch Crochet: The Happy Hooker.

Yarn: SWTC Bamboo in the Preppie colorway worked up with an H hook.

This yarn was awesome to work with and I love the drap of it. Very much recommended. So very glad to be done with it. And that, folks, is a wrap. (Buh dun dun)

Recovering

2006-07-05T07:43:00.000-05:00

And we're back! Or, I'm back. Whatever. First off, my apologies for the lack of updates last week. I was just soooo excited about the Dallas trip and getting everything completed for it. Monday no post was due to me driving back and being back with the hubby and the puppies and such. So, there it is.

This weekend was awesome!! We had a grand time with the meeting and greeting. The drive wasn't so bad on the way there at all. I got a nice early start so it was cool and traffic was light. I found some decent tunes to listen to and just enjoyed driving. I lurv me a good road trip. Here's one of the road signs at a little more than halfway there. Only 88 miles to go! (Click to enlarge)

And then I came around a corner and look! Downtown Dallas! Woohoo! You may need to enlarge it to see it, but it's there. Yes, I was driving. Yes, I was driving in Dallas traffic. Yes, I was driving in Dallas traffic taking pictures of downtown. I never claimed any sort of intelligence. Not once. Not me.

Then it was on into Dallas and trying to get to Addison. Y'all, Skitter gives good directions. Hotels.com does not. They lie! They told me to go right when it should have been left and they said east when it should have been west. Blah! Grr! Also there was the whole you only stay on this road for 0.2 miles when in reality it was 7 or 8 miles. Lies, I tell you.

Anyway, I make it to Skitter's safe and sound and call her to inform her there's some weird stalker chick in her front yard. Let me tell ya folks, she has a lovely home with plenty of stalking shrubs to hide in (I will forever and ever keep away from the word "bushes" now. If you must know, email me. I am so not blogging it.) and she says her mailbox is wonky, but it's just really laid back. There were meeting hugs and happy smiles and in we go and there's NanC! Woohoo!! Then just like *whoosh* we're off and going. Y'all, I was so out of it they could have driven me to Kansas and I would have just gone along.

We didn't end up in Kansas. No, where we ended up was like a wet dream. It's a yarn shop called The Woolie Ewe and it's the most yarn I have ever seen in one spot. Over whelming is an understatement really. Yes, a purchase was made. Yes, I spent too much money this weekend on yarn. No, I don't care. The shop was cool and the people working there were amazingly nice. I feel really small town considering how excited I got to see my first Lorna's Laces, my first roving, my first lots of things really. I have no idea how long we spent there. I just know things jumped into my basket and I paid for them. Then Skitter and NanC whisked me off to our next destination, Gloria's. "Who is Gloria?" I asked. "It's a restaurant." They replied. I shut up and day-dreamed about my new yarn.

So we get to Gloria's and y'all, I am so plain when it comes to food. I was thinking Tex Mex. This place is so not Tex Mex. It Salvadoran or Equadoran or Cubadoran or something. All I know is the food was good, Skitter doesn't like pork in her pupusa (but she does like her pupusa cheesy) and it's where I got to meet the P-La, one half of the Purling Ps! Woohoo! Here's the 3 of them after we did much gnoshing and laughing (there might have been flirting, I'm not telling).

In the foreground is my purse with the Sweet Pea Shawl sticking out of it. We'll get to that in a bit. After gnoshing, possible flirting (you'll just have to guess), margaritas and me drinking the restaurant out of tea, we went off to the next yarn shop. We ended up at the Shabby Sheep and it's a cute yarn store. It really is. There was a purchase made there too. There was also knitting and crocheting happening for a while. The atmosphere was very relaxing and lends itself to losing time very easily. There were also some very funny moments that, again, I so am not going to blog but I will say that in Dallas, if you need something blocked, Cox Dry Cleaners is the place to go. Someone there just ranted about how much they love Cox. There was much juvenile snickering going on at the table and I thought I was gonna have to go outside at one point.

Before I knew it, our day was up and I had to get to the hotel to get ready for dinner with a family member. It was a lovely evening and I still had Sunday to go.

Sunday was an informal gathering at Skitter's for nibbles (food, y'all. just stop that) and yarn play. What did I work on? Not much. Just fringed my shawl. That's right people it is done!!!! No pictures yet. I am so dragging this out. Hee!! But even better, I got to meet Jen the Purse Ho, and both Purling Ps together. Another awesome day of knitting, crocheting, pressure from the "When are you making a sock" lobbyists (I think Christina called them all to lean on me) and I even got to see Skitter spin. It was awesome! My one regret from the trip is not getting to meet Amanda. Not to worry, my dear. I do believe I will be back up that way in the not too distant future.

Y'all, if you ever want to visit Dallas, this is the group to call. Staying in a hotel room, it still felt like I was just going to Skitter's house so we could ride together. It didn't feel like I was visiting from out of town. I was instantly comfortable and instantly liked all of them. Need a good restaurant? Skitter knows the good ones. She knows them by ethnicity. She knows they have no good Chinese food, but she is still searching. Need to go somewhere? Let NanC drive. She's comfortable with that damned freeway system up there and she is funnnny when she drives. The entertainment value alone is worth going there. Need someone to just lift your spirits and make you smile? P-la is your girl. She'll subtly flirt with you until you're really confused and damn, is she funny. I didn't come away from Dallas thinking "Wow, I met some really cool people." I came away knowing I would be missing my friends and that meeting them in person just confirmed that my stalkees are good people. I really do miss them already.

Friday there will be yarn porn so you'll see my haul from Dallas. Also, there WILL be photos of the completed Sweet Pea Shawl. (Psst, Chris, can I get copies of the ones you took to add to mine?) Until then, who's gonna be in Austin on July 29th for the Harlot? I'm so in.

Updates

2006-06-26T12:42:00.000-05:00

First off, hello to all the new people stopping by! And a big thanks to Steph over at Yarn Harlot for linking me and causing the demise of my stat counter. Hee! It's been fun reading all the new comments and the old comments and having unwary stalkees find out they've been stalked for a while now. Hi Rabbitch! Yes, I too lurk, too.

Oh and for those new comment makers that for some reason end up in Earthlink's Spam Folder of Doom and get the Email Rejection Letter That Hurts and Stings, never fear. I always check the evil spam folder first and rescue any comments having been wrongly shuffled off.

Bird Update!

Saturday morning, we got up and let the dogs out as normal and thank goodness they aren't morning people either. They stumbled outside right past the baby bird on the floor. *Whew!* Momma bird was in the room screeching at us, so we hustled out the door with the dogs and let em be. Peeking into the windows, we watched her fly down to the baby while it hopped around on the floor. She then flew up to the freezer and chirped at Baby. Baby chirped back then flew!! To the freezer!! Then Momma flew to the washing machine, chirped at Baby and he followed her over to the washing machine.

Momma then flew to the window in the back door and flew out to a tree and chirped again. Baby flew to the window and sat for a couple of minutes exchanging chirps with Momma. Personally, I think the conversation went like this:

Baby: Why are we doing this again?

Momma: We can't live in the nest forever. You're a bird, you have to learn to fly and get food.

Baby: But you bring me food.

Momma: If you think I'm feeding for the rest of my life, you're crazy.

Baby: Momma, I ain't goin' out there. It's too big and scary.

Momma: Don't you back talk me.

Baby: But Momma...

Momma: Boy, you get your sorry butt out that window right now before I count to 3! 1.....2.....

And with that the baby bird flew off to our fence where she joined him and they flew off. T thinks the Momma bird was calling encouragements to the baby such as "You can do it! You're the best flyer in the world! I know you can fly out here." Pffft. Dreamer.

Crochet Update!

I have no idea where I am on the shawl. I made progress this weekend and noticed I had screwed up one of the edges by making one too many shells and had to rip back 5 rows. Don't crochet exhausted folks. It just causes pain. I was hoping to have it done by this weekend for the Dallas trip and now it's gonna be a booger bear to finish on time. Yikes!

Did I mention I was going to Dallas this weekend? Cuz I am. Did I mention I was meeting knitting bloggers for the first time? Cuz I am. Did I mention that my legs are sore from all the happy puppy butt wiggles happening around here? Yeah. Just you wait til I get to stand up in front of the class for what I did on my summer vacation. All the other bloggers are gonna be so jealous.

Now, there's a list of blogs on the sidebar over there. Go. Read. Comment. Enjoy.

Sometimes Mother Nature Gives Back.

2006-06-23T14:43:00.001-05:00

Despite my bitching about trees here lately, life is pretty good at Casa de la Stalker. I just have a passion for trees. Sometimes though, when things seem pretty shitty cuz some bureaucratic asshole wants a wider road so he cuts down all the trees and burns them or your hubby says it's ok to do away with your fruit bearing pear tree, Mother Nature says "thanks for caring" and throws you a treat.

Last year around this time, I was out in our laundry room and reaching for something on our shelf and got this flurry of wings and chirping. I jumped back to see a wren flying around our laundry room. Ok.....weird. It sat on one of my hung up shirts chirp-yelling at me and pooping on my clothing in disdain. I opened the back door and shoo'ed the little critter back into the yard with the plan to close the window on that back door to keep the little bugger out. Got what I was after on the shelf and there, braced between the WD-40 and a box of matchbooks, was a nest. Being as short as I am, I immediately went and got the Sasquatch hubby and made him look. Sure enough there were 3 eggs in the nest. I left the window in the back door open.

A few weeks later you could walk by the shelf and baby bird heads would pop up with their mouths open. We got into the habit of checking the laundry room before entering so as not to disturb feeding time. We set up a fan in the laundry room to circulate air so the heat wouldn't build in the Texas summer and kill the babies. Our laundry room was not our own. The babies did fine and ventured off one day. We missed having the babies pop up.

Since last year, we've bought new cans of WD-40, never moving the one on the shelf. We've used none of those matches. Unspoken between us, we respected the nest, neither one of us touching it, moving it or disturbing it in any way. We never have closed that window in the door.

Last week, I reached for the starter fluid for the BBQ pit for my steaks, and lo and behold but I did get a flutter of wings and chirping. I ran in to get T for the height advantage. He looked into the nest, got a great big grin on his face and lightly thumped the shelf. Up popped one baby bird head. Our diligence paid off and she hatched in our laundry room again.

Inside the nest you can see one baby resting after hatching and 2 more eggs. One of the babies has moved out of the nest and into the box of matchbooks next to it. I do believe we will follow the same nest policy as last year. We love having them in there. We really don't mind being careful in our own laundry room for something this wonderful. We really appreciate the gift this really is.

In crochet news:

My dog is a butthead. I know, this is supposed to be about crochet and the shawl. Bear with me. The shawl is progressing nicely, if a bit slow, and I am still enjoying the heck out of it. I went to photograph the progress the other day so I stretched it out on the couch, turned to grab my camera and turned back to find Alex laying on it. So I reach to move him. He growls. Butthead. Fine, he gets to be in the picture. I gently move the shawl out from under his hairy butt, him growling the whole time and throw it across him.

This picture shows the butthead having gotten his way and the edge of the shawl and the pattern.

This picture shows the butthead now bored with having gotten his way and almost half of the shawl. It's huge, people. It's gonna be.....huger. Or something.

Shawl status? 78% w00t! The score is Mamma-1, Shawl-0, Butthead - negative 15. :oP

Update:

For those of you coming over from Yarn Harlot, welcome! Have some ice tea, relax, leave a comment and get stalked Hehe.

Y'all, Steph's gonna be in Austin on July 29th. I'm there. Who wants to hook up and give her a real Texas welcome? Yeehaw, baby!!!

I Have To Quit Liking Trees.

2006-06-20T17:32:00.000-05:00

Renovations here at Casa de la Stalker. We had (until Monday morning) a chain link fence that encompassed our back yard. On the left fence, we had a lovely grape vine (non producing as of yet, but I am hopeful) and on the right fence was an ivy that is just beautiful and hardy. I willingly gave up my vines knowing they'd grow back anyway, neener, neener, neener. For those of you confused, here from a previous post, is the left hand fence.

And here, from a really, really previous post that contained actual knitting content (you may have a moment if you need one) is the right hand fence. With a Sophie bag in the making.

So what did I give my chain link fence for? This.

I've got some butterfly vine going along that back fence next year and some other ideas for the yard now and...........there's something missing in this picture. Dammit all to hell.

See the big red circle?? That used to have a fruit bearing pear tree! They cut down my Pineapple Pear tree! With Pears! See it had a pear tree in that very spot like this.

Ok, you have to click on this next one and make it bigger cuz I have proof ya'll.

And y'all, I totally did my artwork and words with my right hand. I'm left handed. I'm a genius. Really.

But they cut down my pear tree. My husband let them cut down my pear tree.

Et tu,~~Brutus~~ Thomas?

What The Hell? Friday Already?

2006-06-16T12:31:00.000-05:00

Totally random stuff today, my dear Stalkees. Also a serious rant at the bottom you may wish to ignore. It has no bearing on anything.

First off, shawl progress. I'm down to the 14 shell row which, by shell count, means I am 64% done with the shawl. W00t! No, Christina, I'm not done with it yet. I'll get there! Hee No pictures today cuz I'm a slacker and , well, it's the same guys. Just longer and getting more narrow. That's not too totally exciting. Seriously.

If you want exciting: There's a new blog collaboration happening that is completely fictional and way too much fun. Won't you visit the neighborhood and say hi? Oh and go say hi to Sachi. She's like, famous now and stuff.

Also, the highway I drive to work was, until a month ago, a beautiful hilly drive with trees on either side. Now, they are expanding so they have ripped out all of the trees and burned them to expand the highway which totally doesn't even need it. Yeah, they burned the trees. Miles of trees that could have become paper to go for school supplies for homeless kids or lumber for housing for homeless people or firewood for the next winter for people who can't afford to buy any. I mean, seriousy. Just rip the trees up and burn them? I get pissed everytime I think about it. Hey beaurocrats! Fuck you! The tsunamis and earthquakes and hurricanes? Maybe that's Mother Earth's way of saying "How do you like having your homes ripped apart, you bastards??"

Seriously! Why is it that for us to progress we have to destroy something? Why, as a species, do our advances come to the detriment of everything else? Oh, yeah, I'll have more lane choices as I drive to work. I already had 2. I only need one. Gimme a break. Tell the deer, the raccoons, the 'possums, the coyotes and the wild pigs that lived on that land how nice their options are now. I see that raw barren earth every morning and I just want to cry. It's so damn ugly. And not just visually.

It's raining outside. I think I'll go stand in it until I feel clean again.

Shawl Update!

2006-06-14T07:35:00.000-05:00

Ok peoples, settle down. I know we're all here for a shawl update and you'll get one. My model is just running a bit late. You know how models can be. She won't leave her dressing room until her hair is perfect and 30 people tell her she really is beautiful and no that last bite of wheat grass did not make her bloat and look fat. Models. Hmmmfff.

So until she gets here, lets look at the shawl itself, shall we? Oh let's! I'm pretty proud of how far along I am and I have a couple of pictures sans moody model. Here we have the shawl doubled so you can see how big this sucker is really going to be. It takes up the middle of my bed so opened? Yeah. Huge. Yay!

Next we have a picture of the pattern developing further in the shawl. I really like how this is turning out guys. I have plans already to make another one and the yarn(s) to make it with. It'll be for a 16 yr old girl, so there's regular yarn and a railroad yarn involved. It'll rock. I'm all excited. Oh, right. Picture. Hee

Ok...no model yet. Well ok, as I was saying, I'm pretty impressed with the shawl so far and my progress on it. I've completed 6 shell rows out of 20 so that's 30% right? No! Wrong! Re-think this. The rows are getting shorter so row count isn't exactly accurate. So I decided to go by shell count because that's really what's important here after all. So with (Bear with me. Math is NOT my strong point) 22 (grrr) shells in the beginning row and losing one shell each row you progress then you're adding 22+21+20+19 and so on and so forth. I know there's a Trigonometry formula for this kind of calculation out there somewhere but high school Trig was my Junior year and that was 17 years ago. Can I get some slack?

Anyway, so it adds up to 253 shells in all and I've completed 117 which leaves all of 136 shells to go. People, I am 46% done already. Almost half! Sweet! Screw the row count! 46%! That's so awes...huh? Oh, finally the model shows up. Ladies and gentlemen, I present Saoirse the lovely in her modeling debut for Casa de la Stalker.

Saoirse: Momma, am I pretty enough?

Me: You're the prettiest girl out there, baby.

Saoirse: But the colors...are they ok?

Me: Oh they're gorgeous on you sweetie. Hold still for the picture.

Saoirse: It doesn't make me look fat?

Me: No Baby Girl, you look nice and svelt. Now hold still for another picture.

Saoirse: Momma, it's nice of you to make me this nice cuddly shawl.

Me: Umm....Baby Girl, the shawl isn't for you. It's for Mommy.

And with that she threw the shawl across the room, stormed out and hasn't spoken to me in hours. Models. Hmmf.

For The Love of 2 Shells

2006-06-12T17:33:00.000-05:00

So I worked on the shawl this weekend to some extent. I got another couple of rows done anyway. I spent most of my weekend cooking food on the grill and cleaning around the house. Food wise, we had an awesome weekend at Casa de la Stalker. Saturday afternoon was fresh corn on the cob, baked potatoes and the most expensive steaks I have ever bought from a store in my life all cooked out on the grill. It was amazingly good. See, I don't splurge on steaks. I'm just gonna marinate the shit out of them anyway. But damn, was I ever wrong about meat. These just melted. And I'll never, ever, ever boil corn on the cob again. It gets grilled, baby. Grilled. Just, yeah. I need a moment.

Anywho, Sunday was turkey burgers grilled outside and I just wasn't impressed. We're trying to eat healthier and everything was wheat bread and grilling and turkey burgers, but dammit, I want big greasy burgers from a grill. I'm a total carnivore. I like pink steak. I want greasy burgers. Gonna take some time to get used to the whole turkey burger idea. Is there a middle ground? Some sort of middle step? Like...pork burgers or something? Anything?

So on the crochet front:

I made T drive us to work today so I could work on the shawl. I was delighted to get crochet time in this morning. Brought it to work with me so I could work on it at lunch and during breaks. Got halfway down the row and my yarn must have broken. I feel an end. What the hell? Check the bag. Dammit! Not only did the yarn break, but the rest of it fell out of my bag! I checked as well as I could being strapped into the seat. Put the shawl away until we got to work. Fumed the whole way there. Got out. No yarn. It hadn't broken. I had finished the skein and forgot to bring a second skein with me. Not a happy camper.

So on the drive before I discover what a dumb ass I am, T takes an interest in the shawl.

T: So.....what's it gonna be?

Me: A shawl. Been looking for a pattern like this forever for this yarn.

T: so how big is it going to be?

Me: Not sure yet. I know the top stretches atop the bed.

T: Wow....that's kinda big. Is it supposed to be that big?

Me: Well, it started with 20 of these shells across the top, so yeah. And you lose one shell every shell row until you get to one shell for the point.

T: Cool. How many shells are you at?

Me: *counting out loud* ....17, 18, 19........What the fuck. Oh my God, no.

T: Is..that too many?

Me: *Groan as I count the top row.* ....19, 20, 21, 22. Shit.

T: If you rip that out for 2 extra shells I will tell all your blog friends and they will hunt you down.

Me: *Glare*

T: Besides. It's now 2 shell thingies wider. Most of these patterns are for toothpick women. It's no biggie, right?

I hate him when he's right. I really do. Two extra shells. *Pout*

So Much Hooking I Need A Red Light.

2006-06-09T11:43:00.001-05:00

There has been much excitement at Casa de la Stalker recently. I've been getting reservations made for the Dallas weekend and Chris found some rogue knitters for a yarn shop crawl and it's all just. Too. Much. I'm not sure I was this excited about the cruise. There has been much squealing and happy puppy butt wiggles on my part and much rolling of the eyes and finger ticking on T's part. At this point I'm not sure who all I get to meet. My head spins with the possibilities! This also means I will probably have to make future trips to Dallas to keep in touch. Oh. Darn. Hee!

In crocheting news:

Yes, you read that right. I've been crocheting. Have too. Like hooking it up until 1 am "just to finish this row" crocheting. Yeah baby. Stalker found her groove back. See, here's the deal. For about the oh...hhmmm....last YEAR I have had an issue with getting inspired or caring. I have started umpteen projects and either cast them aside or ripped them right the fuck out because I just couldn't stand it. Crochet was making me angry. The yarn stash has been making me angry. Where is my muse???? Where is my inspiration? Where is the excitement of finding a new pattern and knowing just the yarn for it? Hasn't happened.

Well, about a month ago I was in the local Barnes and Nobles and happened to see the Stitch N' Bitch Happy Hooker book. I didn't get all excited. I just thumbed through it then tucked it under my arm in the slim hope there might be something in there worthwhile. Then it sat in my back seat for weeks. So terrible when you can't even get excited enough to look at new patterns.

So a couple of weeks ago, I went to Mom's and took the book in to show her because she collects patterns the way I collect dust. So she goes through the book and gets all excited at how new and wonderful the patterns are blah blah blah....then she smacks me and asks me if I have even really looked at it. Well.....define look, woman. *Smack* Never get a smart mouth with anyone you call Mom. They take smacking privileges. So I look through the book. "Oh wow...this shawl is what I have been looking for for 2 years! Oooh check out the cute potholders with skulls on them! EEEEE an anarchy pattern!!" My butt starts the wiggling and Mom announces "You have neglected cool patterns. In punishment, the book will stay here with me for a while." *Whimper*

No big deal. I've done without this long, right? Yeah. So about the same time as said visit and book confiscation I decide that part of the problem is the gaming. I play both Guild Wars and World of Warcraft. I am addicted to both. I am trying to advance in both. This does not leave much time for anything else. Executive Decision Time!! From now on Tuesdays and Thursdays are non-gamin nights. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for getting my house back in order and crocheting/knitting/reading/movie watching. So far it's been about the cleaning and the reading. Cuz the project I wanna do is in the book Mom thugged from me. Finally I can't stand it anymore and Tuesday I called her and begged her to scan the pattern and send it to me by email. She laughed at me. She said she knew if she denied me the book I would want to crochet so bad it would hurt. Sneaky bitch. I love her.

Tuesday I get home and there, in my inbox is the pattern. Oh sweet yumminess. If any of you have the book, it's the Sweet Pea Shawl here.

The pink kinda grosses me out cuz it's too bright but the pattern! It's sooo sweet. I started it Tuesday night. Chained 202. Got almost to the end of row one with all the shell goodness and realized I was doing the shells ALL WRONG.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppppp! *Curse snarl foam rage hate*

So I chained the 202 again and set it aside for the night. Stalker needed sleep to deal. Wednesday? Could not stand it. I kept looking at the pattern off and on alllll day and making sure I had the instructions and understood in my head how it needed to be worked because I want to see this shawl take shape. I'm using this yarn and it's been so fun watching the colors emerge as they are being worked. When you knit with a variegated you get some really cool stripes or pools of color. When you crochet with it, it will at times twist the colors around each other forming a striping in the stitch itself or causing a candy cane effect in a double crochet or, in this case, a double treble crochet. It looks pretty awesome.

Picture huh? No cuz I suck. I got 3 rows of the shell done last night and was exhausted but happy. I will have more done by the time I get home cuz I hate putting it down. If you wanna check back this evening, I'll have a picture posted of the current progress. Although, at this point, it will just look like a jumble of yarn. This thing is gonna need some serious blocking and y'all, this is gonna be a first for me. Never blocked before cuz afghans? Yeah, big and heavy with not so much blocking involved. Ack!

Update! Shawl Progress pictures! Wheeeeee!

Tada!!!

Ok, kidding! Hehe

Here's a picture of the pattern emerging (so freakin cool and I wanna run around with it going "Lookie lookie it's awesome! Squeeeee!")

And here's a close up of some of the stitches that have the really cool color twisty thing kickin'.

And y'all, seriously? This thing stretches across my bed and down the sides a bit. It needs to be blocked. It's going to be huge. Guage what? Where the hell am I going to block this thing? Wonder if the neighbors have an open floor.....I don't think I have one that big! Do I know anyone with a king size bed?? It's going to be sooooo cool when it's done. *Happy puppy butt wiggles*

Story Time!

2006-06-06T11:34:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away called Savannah, Oklahoma, lived a young man named Larry. Larry was a cool dude. He had a black leather jacket, thick curly black hair and was a ladies man. He was on the volunteer fire department and would set small grass fires at lunch time his senior year just to get out of class. He was the cool one to know and hang out with. He was also in a rock n' roll band with a younger boy named Jimmy. Jimmy looked up to Larry.

One day in November, Jimmy took Larry to his house for dinner and was really embarrassed because there stood his sister, Gloria, at the sink washing dishes in a house coat and her hair in curlers. Gloria was the oldest of the four kids, a senior in high school and didn't care what anyone thought and told Jimmy to basically get over it when he said something about it. She was in her mama's house and she didn't like Jimmy hanging out with the older guys anyway. After all, Larry had already graduated high school and Jimmy was only 15. She thought Larry was a hooligan and didn't want him around her brother, even though this was the first time she had ever met him. Larry thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Larry continued going over to the house with Jimmy but Jimmy soon realized Larry was interested in his sister. Jimmy didn't like that at all. Larry was a cool guy but he was in no way good enough for his sister. Gloria finally consented to go out on one date with Larry in January. Jimmy was furious.

Larry was on his best behavior trying to impress Gloria on their date. Gloria had never had anyone pay that much attention to her before. Neither of their parents were impressed with the match. Gloria's parents "knew" what Larry was after and Larry's folks thought Gloria's family wasn't good enough because they were poor. None of the parents were impressed when Larry and Gloria announced their engagement a month later. Larry and Gloria didn't care, because they were head over heels in love. Gloria's parents loved their daughter enough to trust her judgment and not protest too much. They were willing to try and accept Larry as family. Larry's parents offered him a solid gold watch and a college education if he'd dump Gloria. She was white trash to them. Larry told them what they could do with said watch and that unless they wanted to lose a son they would back off.

Five and a half months after their first date, Larry and Gloria got married. They were the only ones at the wedding that were happy about it. As they were leaving to go to the reception, Gloria's 3 brother's made their feelings known by grabbing their sister from her new husband and driving off with her. As they were getting her into the car kicking and screaming, Larry was trying to get to her, Gloria's mother was trying to hold Larry back to keep from killing her sons, Larry's father was trying to get Gloria's mother off of his son and Gloria's father took offense to him man-handling his wife. Once the car sped off, they had to hold Larry back from jumping into the car and taking off after them. They were only gone for 30 minutes before they brought Gloria to the reception hall. She had kicked and fought so hard the entire time, they had to get her there or she was gonna get them all killed. After the reception, Larry and Gloria's parents never spoke to one another again. Not even when the grandchildren came along.

13 months after the wedding, their first child was born. Larry, Jr. was born 2 months premature. Newly married they had to watch their new son go through several surgeries and they were told he may not live. They persevered and Little Larry finally got to go home. The stress was a lot to handle as Gloria was only 19 and Larry was only 21 when their son was born. Larry turned to playing poker with his friends and drinking to escape the stress of family life. When Little Larry was 2, Gloria went home to her parents. A few months later she went back to Larry because she was pregnant and that's where she belonged. They worked things out, expecting to have a little girl and what was considered the perfect family. Three years after Little Larry was born, Gloria gave birth to Scott, their second son. Larry now had a 3 yr old toddler and a newborn son. Once again he turned to his buddies and drinking.

A few more years of this and Gloria threatened to leave him again. Her parents loved the boys and were willing to let her stay with them. Once again, on the verge of leaving Larry, Gloria discovered she was pregnant. Larry realized how he was acting and finally straightened up. He loved his wife and children and didn't know why he was being the way he was. He got a steady respectable job and provided well for his family. They were thrilled when their 3rd child was born and they had their little girl.

Larry and Gloria had rough times after that but their love saw them through very sick children, being broke, almost being homeless and a number of other things that plague marriages. They took their wedding vows seriously and realized all they had to do was love one another enough to get through it. They passed their love, strength and sense of commitment down to their children and they were good parents. They loved their children unconditionally and they were very active in their lives as they grew into adulthood. They never missed an open house or a school activity. They never failed to tell their children how proud they were of them. When their children grew up and got married, they accepted the spouses as family because of how they had been treated. They aren't perfect parents, but they are mine and I am very proud of this fact. On June 4, 2006, my parents celebrated 41 years of a (so far haha) successful marriage.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. We love you both very much.

Your little girl

And It's Wednesday!

2006-05-31T08:11:00.000-05:00

Hi ho neighbors, Stalker Angie here and happy to be back from the land of "Oh dear sweet deity on a pogo stick I swear if you whisper that loud again I will rip your throat out." Thank you to everyone for the well wishes. Yes, migraines suck the big one and I haven't had one in over 4 years, so of course I have no migraine meds at home. Go figure, huh. It must have been pretty bad. T said he opened the door to the bedroom Saturday,causing the dog to bark, causing me to scream, writhe on the bed, fall off the bed, throw up and reach in the night stand for my gun. Somebody was gonna die so it would be quiet, by God. Then I passed out. I think he lies.

Have you had these things? People, you hair hurts. I don't mean moving your hair causes pain in the scalp. If someone touches your hair without moving it, it is still agony. Ag-O-Knee! Yes, we're all so very glad it's over. Now to get past the "Who in the hell beat me up" stage. Cuz y'all, your body hurts after the migraine goes away. It leaves little presents of muscle cramps and such. Bastard.

So, anyway I had a post for Friday. Said post is now being absorbed/assimilated by this post and we shall now all move on past the pain and yurking. Yay! So in the absence of blogging, I have been making new and exciting travel plans. See, what had happened was, I was over at Skitter's blog home one day and she had said something witty and I had commented with something to the effect of "you should give me a tour of Dallas yarn stores." As in "Oh haha yeah like I'll get off the couch long enough to go somewhere. Not!" Skitter said, "Yay!" I laid low.

Another time I was on the Skitter's blog and she went and decided to get herself a new spinning wheel to learn to use. I, being a smartass (Gasp! Can it be? Alas, 'tis true), did respond to Skitter with "You better learn it so when I come to Dallas you can teach me." (Meaning, remember when you thought I was coming to Dallas? Haha! Aren't you cute?) Skitter, being the darling that she is, replied with something to the effect of "Omg omg omg wtf bbq stfu lol when are you coming to Dallas???" (Some creative license taken by blogger.) Yes, I am sure Skitter speaks with multiple question marks. She just seems the type.

Anywho, after reading that e-mail a couple (dozen) times, I thought to myself, "Well why the hell not? Why shouldn't I go to Dallas and meet Skitter? Chris seems like a lovely person and it would be fun to meet someone new and see new yarn stores and such. She can tell me why my knitting sucks ass so bad, and I can ummm.....learn. Or corrupt her with crochet. Woohoo!"

So I asks the hubby and we had us a conversation in which he did much blinking and ticking points off on his fingers:

T: "Let me get this straight. You wanna drive to Dallas. *tick* To see a bunch of people you have never met. *tick* Except on the internet. *tick* Because you all love yarn. Sorry lurv the 'fibery goodness.' *tick* And these people knit. *tick* You crochet. *tick* But you are all bonded by the fiber goddess." *Blink blink*

Me: "Yep!" *grin*

T: "You wanna drive to Dallas. *tick* To see a bunch of people you have never met. *tick* Except on the internet. *tick* Because you all love yarn. Sorry lurv the 'fibery goodness.' *tick* And these people knit. *tick* You crochet. *tick* But you are all bonded by the fiber goddess."

Me: "Ummm.....yes?"

T: "Sweetie, you hate Dallas."

Me: "Do not."

T: "Yes. Yes you do."

Me: "Nooooo, I hate Dallas traffic and the drivers."

T: "But you do plan to drive there."

Me: "Yes. What is your point?"

T: "By yourself *tick* in a city you hate driving in *tick* to a location you've never been to *tick* to stay in a hotel you haven't even booked? *tick*

Me: "Stop doing the finger thing. I hate the finger thing." *pout*

T: "Baby, you don't know these people except on the internet."

Me: "We met on the internet. Look how well that turned out."

T: "That was different."

Me: "You're right, it is different. Me meeting you for coffee at 3 am across town after meeting on the internet was really stupid and dangerous. This will be fine."

T: ...................

Me: "Yay!"

So the weekend of July 1st and 2nd, I am heading for Dallas, folks! I'm definitely meeting Skitter and NanC and hopefully I get to meet Good Girl Purl and the Purling Pirate P-) of the Purling Ps fame and if I am uber lucky, I might even get to meet the Squid! (Happy birthday, little stalkee dude!) Anyone else in the Dallas area wanna get in on the meet n' greet? If nothing else, I am always willing to meet in the lobby for social time. No strangers in my hotel room. Just, no. Weird. Who are you people again? For those of you not in the Dallas area, I should tour. Or something. I know that for next year I am planning a trip to Seattle, Washington for a few days to meet some of the lovely folks up that ways (You know who you are. You're lovely and you live there. I'm coming to see you.)

I am awfully excited about the Dallas trip and I would love to meet as many folk as possible. If ya wanna meet up, let me know and I will get with Skitter and see what we can come up with. Or something. I can't just invite total strangers to crash her 4th of July barbeque just cuz I'm in town. Seriously, people.

Until then, a couple of random pics of what I see when I step out my back door and look to the left. The sunflowers are in the neighbors yard but I love the layering effect of the tress, sunflowers and the ivy taking over our fence.

And a close up of the flowers.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Hell I don't know what I am doing.

2006-05-30T18:20:00.000-05:00

I don't know if this will actually work, but here goes nothing. This is T, Angie's husband. Angie said she's sorry for the lack of updates but works was hard on her last week and she's had migraines since Friday evening. She's getting better and should be back you ladies as soon as possible. She said she'd be checking emails tonight so leave her a comment (?) and she'll answer. She said to also tell you she hit me for the title.

-T

Friday Randomness

2006-05-19T00:13:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday all! Not much going on at Casa de la Stalker, so I thought I'd throw in some random picks for you to peruse. Below is 3 pictures of the field outside of where I work. I see this field every morning and then every evening because I park facing it. I always take a moment and just look before I head in to start my day or head home to end the day. I love Texas wildflowers.

Also, totally random, is one of my wedding pictures! Yay! Happy day! It also gives you a chance to see the height difference between the hubby and I. Yes, I am the shortest one in my family. My nephew is shorter in the pic, but he's 13 now and taller than me already. I don't stand a chance. Nothing wrong with the photo. The left bottom corner is just a reflection of light because it's a picture of a picture. Did I mention I don't have a scanner? I don't know why. We had one once. Guess I should pay closer attention, huh. Click as always for a larger image.)

Anywho, from the left is my oldest brother, my too tall hubby, my nephew in front of him, me in the big white thing, my mom, my dad, my grandmother who used to knit and crochet and my older brother. Yes, I am the youngest of three, the only girl and a total daddy's girl. Hee!

I am off to spend the weekend with Mom (of the didn't really give birth to me variety) and recharge the old batteries with some fun, family, laughter and some promised kick-ass BBQ.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

The Road To Hell Is Paved With.....

2006-05-15T15:35:00.000-05:00

So this morning I got up relatively on time (for me anyway), grabbed my coffee and headed for my computer. Groggy and, so far, caffeine deprived, I was felling rather proud as I wrote a post for today. It was a good post. It was of decent length. There was a picture even of the Mother's Day basket I put together for T's mom with wine, chocolates, champagne, cappuccino, green teas and truffles. Yummy!

I set the photo to upload while I got dressed, again proud after one cup of coffee to be able to muti-task so early. I got ready for work, hubby got ready for work, I headed in to save the post to write more later and my hubby had thoughtfully turned off my computer for me. The picture had finished uploading. He made sure of that. He didn't know I still had to hit Publish Post or Save as Draft to save the post. *Poof* No more post. Gone bye-bye. No picture. Picture at home. His intentions were good. Bless his heart.

I don't have the heart to re-write that particular post and I wanted the damn picture in it. So, instead, here's a lovely sunset taken as we were leaving Cozumel on the cruise. Click for a bigger image.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Bad Blogger! No Comment!

2006-05-12T16:10:00.001-05:00

Yeah this is a total cop out on a blog. I know. I'm sorry. My brain has melted and nothing is coming to me. I have stared at this screen since 9:30 am this morning and NOTHING, people. Nothing.

Ok, see that couple of sentences up there? That was written Monday. MONDAY, people! That was as far as I got before my brain leaked out of my ears. It was written about 3 pm. All day and that's what I had. Granted, it's been a weird week. Seriously weird. This is where this post goes once again into the land of TMI (too much info) also known as Sweet Jeebus Did She Really Mean To Blog THAT?? If personal info makes you uncomfortable, stop now. Turn back. Come back later to see if I have regained my senses. I won't have, but you can always try and optimism is so cute.

Ok, those of you who are regulars to Casa de la Stalker, know I have something called PCOS and that nothing about my body (female wise) functions normally. Until lately. March, then April (on my cruise no less. MY. CRUISE!) and now May, have all been...normal. I haven't been this regular since Junior High y'all. I haven't had cramps since Junior High. I don't have a clue as to what is going on.

So yeah, blogging this week just didn't happen. I was crampy and bitchy and totally weirded out by the betrayal of my uterus. Also, I have lost enough weight eating decently and walking at work on breaks, that I stood up earlier this week to stretch and had to make a grab for my skirt. It was headed flat for the floor. I don't care at home, work is a little inappropriate for losing your clothing. All of my under garments are loose and droopy. Not cute. Also, some of my skorts can now be removed/put on without the benefits of opening buttons and zippers. Time to find my previous clothes and see if I can get into them yet. Although, in a way, it kinda makes me sad cuz y'all, skorts. Comfy as shorts, look like skirts, I can wear them to work and nobody is the wiser. Yeah, the fat chick is whining about losing weight. Piss off.

So to top off all the weirdness, T is excited (excited y'all) that my body is trying to be normal. (He cheers when I bleed. Something wrong here.) He's ticking off days and times for optimal baby making opportunities. Shouldn't that be discussed with me? I really don't wanna be standing there washing dishes and be attacked by the baby maker. Ok, that's a bit of a lie, but you get my drift. Don't go buy the baby patterns just yet folks. I'll let ya know when the baby booty/bonnet/blanket marathon can commence. Yes, I'm trying to get into the breeder ranks. I promise (if it should happen) not to be the stroller in the shin lady at the LYS.

So, yeah, I think that's enough personal info rambling for one day. Besides, I'm leaving early from work today to go make a gift basket for the T's mom for Mother's Day.

Hope everyone has a great day!

I Can Seeeee!!!

2006-05-05T08:24:00.000-05:00

This post is brought to you by the word Vision. So my birthday was a couple of weeks ago and as usual I got some sort of expensive toy because I'm spoiled that way. For the past year I've had a laptop that I did everything on, including gaming. Laptops are so not meant for gaming. They lag out, they stutter, they can't process fast enough, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong. I love my laptop. I love being able to take it anywhere. The graphics suck ass though.

So for my birthday, we went off and purchased me a new PC for my birthday. Hooray for income tax refunds in April! We also got a brand new graphics card for it that's awesome. It's a Radeon X1300 that gives beautiful game play. Umm..for non gamers, patterns are crystal clear and easy to read! Hee. To top it off, I splurged more than I normally would because I wanted this.

This is a 19" LCD monitor. It weighs like all of 5 lbs MAYBE and it's freakin huge! I love this monitor but at times it can be like sitting too close to the TV. I had to get used to playing on it because I would be getting attacked and not see what was attacking me cuz it was all the way in the top left hand corner and I had to move my head to see it. You can compare the size with the coffee cup full of pens on the bottom left of the screen.

Speaking of vision, yesterday was a very interesting day. most of you have seen my picture and will recognize these beauties.

Those are my glasses. Well, those are the frames of my glasses because when I went to take them off yesterday morning to clean them, they became this.

Those of you with glasses just went pale, swooned and said "Oh sweet jeebus no! Not that!" Luckily, I kept my old pair and was able to throw them on. Then I threw them right the fuck back off. See, I got the new glasses last year because the old glasses were already 7 years old and so damn scratched that looking through them gave everything a soft halo-like-headache-causing glow. So I called work, T called work and I started calling around town. No place in town had the same frame and it would be Monday or Tuesday before they got them in. Not happening Kemosabe. So I widened my search and just after noon we headed for Houston. They had the frames and could mount the lenses that day.

They didn't mention it would take 5 hours to mount them. I didn't tell them my lenses are hard to mount because I need prisms in my lenses. Hee. So, $125 later, we were headed home and I can see again! I could really use a little less adventure right now.

Random Acts of Kindness

2006-05-03T18:00:00.000-05:00

This morning on the way to work I wanted a donut. I've done well with continuing to lose weight and walking but dammit I wanted a donut. So, I went to Shipley's (my fav!) and I tried to decide what kind of donut to get. I also decided on a sausage and cheese kolache cuz it's better than JUST a donut for breakfast. Or so I tell myself. Then I realized I'd be walking into our office with a warn kolache and a fresh donut. I bought donuts for our office. It just seemed like a nice thing to do this morning. I still only had one donut, but everybody got to have donuts this morning. It was an appreciated gesture and we all had the warm fuzzies today. I didn't do it to get the "praise" of being thoughtful. I did it because I know how good it feels to get random acts of kindness. When someone does something nice and out of the ordinary that just brightens you day. I wanted to give someone else that feeling this morning.

Last night I sat on the sofa watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (one of the best musicals of all time, in my opinion) and crocheting a bit. I was missing my grandmother because a.) crocheting and b.) watching one of her favorite musicals of all time. (She always danced during "Goin' Courtin'" and she always laughed like an idiot at the barn raising. Now I laugh remembering her laughing.) So I decided to have lunch at one of our old family haunts in town today to celebrate her memory again.

When I was growing up, we spent several years in this town and every Sunday, without fail, our family went to Luby's Cafeteria for lunch. Luby's is a southern restaurant, and it's one of the old grab-a-tray-tell-them-what-you-want-and-get-your-food-right-then types of cafeterias. Kinda like school, with better food. We visited this place enough that the line ladies knew us by name. They'd ask how our choir/band/orchestra concerts went. How that spelling test came out. Did we bring up our History grade? When our family moved away, my grandparents continued to go every Sunday and they always took pictures and lists of accomplishments to share. When my grandparents moved back to Oklahoma, the waitstaff and line ladies had a going away party for them.

So back to the story, I decide to go to Luby's for lunch. Great memories and I can get a salad and fresh veggies to balance out the donut I had for breakfast. When I get there, the guy in front of me was waiting for them to cut up a tomato for his salad (cuz salads come first, ya know) so he told me to go on ahead. I said "Oh no, you're fine. I'm not in any hurry." We smiled at one another and went on to get our foods. When we got to the ticket lady (you pay after you eat but you get your ticket at the end of the line.) he turned to me and we had us a weird conversation:

Him: She put your lunch on my ticket.

Me: Oh, well we need to fix that. *chuckle*

Him: Yeah *laugh* Merry Christmas (haha funny funny I'm gonna buy your lunch. NOT!)

Me: (thinking) Just hurry up and fix the tickets so I can eat. Damn.

She prints out his ticket, hands it to him, he looks it over, turns to me smiling and says "Perfect." and folds the ticket into his pocket and walks off to find a table.

I get to the ticket lady:

Ticket Lady: Thank you.

Me: I need my ticket.

TL: It's on his ticket. He bought your lunch.

Me: He was serious??

TL: Yeah. Enjoy your lunch.

Me: Guh.

I felt weird for most of lunch y'all. Some random dude just bought me lunch. He didn't say why, or flirt or anything. He just....bought my lunch. He was just nice. Another random act of kindness in the day. Wonder who I can buy coffee for in the morning.

Cruise Day 5, Grand Cayman

2006-05-01T19:04:00.000-05:00

This was the most fun port we landed in. Key West was all about looking. Cozumel was all about buying jewelry and such. Grand Cayman, was aallllll about the fun stuffs. We got up at 5 am (arg!) to get showered, and eat breakfast. Room service is free on cruises y'all. You can get coffee, tea and danishes without getting out of your robe. Sweet! So we had room service bring our breakfast since it was so early and we were able to have a leisurely morning before having to rush off to our excursions.

Update: I suppose a link would be nice to all of the Grand Cayman photos. Here ya go. :)

7:30 am. We're dressed and ready to go because we're supposed to be in one of the lounges to meet up for our passes and stuff. We get there and it's empty. Well crap. So we head down to where they are letting people tender off. Everyone is already down there and just about everyone has made it to shore already. We're one of the last ones off. What the hell?? Seems we missed an announcement somehow. Anyway, we got off the boat and were met by pirates. Again. I am sensing a theme here. Here is a picture of the pirate and I. I don't know what he is doing to my belly. I do know it's creepy. I think they tried to hide it. *Shudder*

Moving past the creepy dude, from there we went to a herding area where they matched us up with our tours. Our driver's name was Karl Sanchez. Karl was a black man from Germany who mostly grew up in Grand Cayman. Karl spent most of our tour discussing island politics between pointing out things of interest. Karl was sweet, but Karl needs to lighten up, y'all. I don't have a clue as to where he got Sanchez. It's not German. It's not even Grand Caymanese.

Our first stop was in Hell, Grand Cayman for a quit restroom stop and the purchasing of postcards and stamps to fill out on the rest of the tour. We later went back for the sending of said cards and for picture taking opportunities. On the way from Hell to the dock where we would shove off to see the stingrays, we stopped at the Governor's house. It's not a mansion there. Seems their politicians don't get treated like royalty. We should take notice of this. Anyway, no politics allowed.

So we arrive at the dock and board our lovely boat for the nice little trip out to see the stingrays. We opted to see them from a glass bottom boat because neither mom and I are much for the whole swimming thing. Nothing would suck more than to get in the water, see a stingray, get a major leg cramp and have to get out of the water. The glass bottom boat stays tethered out in what they call Stingray City. They aren't sure why the stingrays gather there. I think it's because they know they're gonna get fed. I know I tend to stick around when I get fed.

The stingrays were amazing y'all. bigger then I imagined and so beautiful. They aren't dangerous to be around. They don't have teeth, so if they do bite looking for food, there's no cutting. Don't get me wrong. It'll still hurt. Our captain said it feels like getting your finger slammed in a door. Pass! They will however pass over you doing this little sucking action they do to scoop up food and leave a hickey on ya. Yeah, I'm gonna be able to 'splain THAT when I get home. "It meant nothing, sweetheart! He was just looking for food. I didn't even get his name!" They do have stingers on their tails, but they don't attack with then. It's a reflex action that happens if you step on their backs. No steppy, no problem.

From there we headed off to the turtle farm. The government there raises sea turtles, breeds them and every year they release 1/3 of their turtle population into the wild. They are so covetous of these creatures that they have a ceremony for the release. Grade school age girls are chosen every year to line up on 7 mile island. They have a ceremony handing the turtles out to the girls, then they all step forward as one to release them into the sea. I would love to see it one day.

At the farm they have turtles the size of dining room tables. They have hundreds of turtles there. Unfortunately, they lost a large portion of their population in the hurricanes last year, including their oldest one that was 45 years old. They have baby turtles you can see, but they keep the water so low in the tank you'd have to be 10 ft. tall to reach them. They allow you to look but their immune systems can't handle being touched yet. They really take care of these beautiful animals. I did get to hold one! It was about a year old and will be one of the ones released this year in the ceremony.

From the farm we headed back to Hell for pictures and such, then it was back to the boat. By this time it was 3:00 pm and we had all of 15 minutes to get back on the boat. No shopping this stop! We headed up to the top deck for fruit from the salad bar since we hadn't eaten since breakfast and dinner was still 3 hours away. Then we headed up to our room to get ready for dinner since it was a formal night. Dinner was at 6 but we were ready by 5 so off we headed to the Schooner Bar for Name That Tune (Broadway). We ruled, y'all. We got 2nd place cuz the ship singers were there playing too. I think that's cheating. Most of them have sung on Broadway. Cheaters! I'm not bitter. Much. Grrr. They bought us drinks though and told me I have a good voice. Liars. Hee!

Dinner that night was a spinach dip that ruled, ceasar salad, lobster tail and red potatoes, and desert was creme brulee. Yum! Here is us with the rest of our dinner table. Mom hates having her picture taken but she looks smashing in red!

After dinner we did some gambling then mom hit the sack. We were exhausted! But I had one more thing to do. They put together a Gal Buffet at midnight that was stunning. Pictures here. Go see. It's soooo worth it. The next day was Cuzumel and potential for damage to our bank accounts. Next time, how much advantage we took of that potential. Hehe.

Better Late Than Never?

2006-04-26T12:38:00.000-05:00

OMG it's Wednesday and this is what should have been Friday's post and omg lol wtf bbq! As Christina has said so eloquently in the comments (I just adore her. I really do. She keeps me on my toes.) this post is sooo late and yes, I suck as a blogger. So to distract you from the lateness of it all, here is a picture I took on the way home last Thursday. Yes, I was driving. It's ok. My camera has a view screen and I kept my eyes on the road at all times. Click to enlarge. It's pretty cool.

Ok, so now we are STILL trying to recap cruise stuff and I am really not trying to drag this out any more than it already is. We're on Day 3.

Day 3 we wake up, head up to breakfast which is a buffet of fresh fruit, breads, oatmeal, 3 different types of scrambled eggs, turkey sausage, hash browns, ham.....just...everything you'd want for breakfast. We pigged out people and I still lost weight while on this cruise. Dancing and walking rule. But only on a cruise. There is no walking in real life. Anyway, we get to our table and I glance out the window and see Key West! Seriously! Key West, Florida! I am offically the farthest I have ever been from home. So we had breakfast as we pulled into port and I hardly ate of the bounty because I was so excited. Think 3 year old on candy and red kool-aid.

I also got to see my first ever lighthouse in person. This is awesome to me because I have a thing for lighthouses. I don't know why, I am just enamored of them. So mom finally finishes breakfast after hearing me whine about "C'mon, Mom, you're taking too long!" and "I wanna go to Key West now!" and "You're killing me here and you are sucking the life out of me!" I'll never understand how she can sit through my tirades calmly. But then, she's had practice. We head up to the room for sunscreen and purses and off we go! (Key West pictures found here)

This is the only port at which we were actually able to dock. The others we had to stay in harbor and take tender boats in. We were greeted at the dock by Pirates! I have a picture of me and a pirate who did something weird to my belly when we took the picture (maybe he thought I was pregnant??) but come to find out, we don't have a scanner. How did I not know about that? I thought our printer did everything. But no. Not so much. So I guess I will need to see if Uber Camera can take a photo of a photo and have it turn out worth a damn. Pirates! Here's mom and I in front of our ship. Mom should eat more. Skinny wench. Hehe. Oh and this is one of the worst photos of me EVER but I'm on vacation. It's allowed, I think.

We didn't do a whole lot int he way of touristy stuffs like meuseums in Key West. We shopped. A lot. Ok, we looked a lot. But there was some awesome stuff there. One of the best thing about cruises? Jewelry in port is much less expensive. MUCH. Mom and I both got an Australian Opal pendant in Key West. Here's mine. (Again, click to enlarge.)

And a close up of the pendant.

After about 6 hours of "Oooh look here!" and "Wow, check this out." we headed back to the ship. They showed us a movie that evening and mom and I just kinda wandered around the ship until we were exhausted. Mom went to bed. I went dancing. Sometimes I have no sense.

Day 4 was at sea again heading for Grand Caymen. We spent the day just lounging around and grabbing fruit from the buffet anytime we got hungry. There was reading and crocheting going on, but mostly it was people watching. Oh and I read the Harlot's latest book outloud to mom. Mom is not a knitter or a crocheter. Mom laughed until she cried. There's hope there.

Now I am going to go load in the pictures for Grand Caymen. It get's it's very own post because so much went on. No peeking!

T.G.I.F

2006-04-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

Ok gang, yeah there's gonna be a Friday post but it's gonna be a late Friday post(cuz this is not the REAL Friday post) with pictures of loot and stories and good times. But work today is all "aaaggghhhhh!!!!" and people are literally trying to crawl up my ass about mistakes other people made so I am so trying to stay at least one step ahead of them cuz if I stop......I may never recover. It won't be pretty.

Bear with me, my dear Stalkees. Post will be up this evening with extra special bonus picture I took yesterday and I hope comes out and it will be up for weekend perusal and give you something to ogle as I work on Monday's post *gaaassssp* to keep updated. *whew*

Send yarn and a hook. Or needles. Or just yarn. I have pencils.

A Post Where I Am Not On Drugs.

2006-04-20T14:22:00.000-05:00

W00t! Ye Olde Stalker is feeling better and I am very, very grateful for the birthday wishes from everyone. I must say, I was most surprised to see a comment from the one and only Purling Pirate of The Purling P's, also known as She Of The Beautifullest Squid Ever! I didn't know she knew I existed. Yeah cuz that made sense. It's so cool and yet weird when someone comments on your blog when you've been lurking at their blog for years now. I know. I lurk. I'm sorry. If I made a list of all the blogs I lurk at it would take days to list. But now I won't be so shy to comment there and she and Good Girl Purl can be official stalkees in the sidebar yay! I'm ignoring the fact I probably just showed up on their stat counter. Shut up.

Ms. Ryan, that whole sentence about reaching level 40 for my Gnome mage and stuff? Yeah, that doesn't make sense to most people who PLAY the game. It was the fever and drugs speaking. (But y'all, I totally made level 40 and got my bird despite the Horde ganking us every 5 minutes. Woohoo! Just sayin')

Also, I have the photos for Key West (day 3 of the cruise) posted and tomorrow will be the story of Key West and day 4 of the cruise. Also for blog fodder a picture of the loot (yummy jewelry stuff) I pirated from Key West. Yay! If you want pictures before story time, here's the link. But it may ruin story time. Or it may help you envision the story. You decide.

Hippo Birdy 2 Ewe

2006-04-18T17:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, well actually it's hippo birdy 2 me, but that sounds silly. Yes! I'm ummm...20 today! Again. 20 with 14 years experience. Yeah. Totally, dudes. Anywho, birthday blah blah blah, been sick blah blah blah, Flikr hates me blah blah blah. Makes for some seriously sucky posts y'all. Or in my case, some very non existent posts. I'm still trying to get the photos from the cruise uploaded on Flikr. I haven't been doing squat else except try and catch up with work and play World of Warcraft. Cuz I wanna get my Gnome mage to level 40 so I can get my mechanical bird to run around on for my birthday. Plus I have to fit it all in before Guild Wars: Factions come out. I also need to find time to crochet or someone will call the Yarn Abuse Hotline and find foster homes for my stash. Not acceptible. Acceptable. Accepteble? Dude, it ain't happenin.

So, to kinda tide you over, cuz, you know you want the pictures of SOMETHING, I will give you lovely people a picture of the stingrays in Grand Caymen. Woot!

Good times. Still glad to be home though. :)

Hope everyone has a great day!

P.S Sachi, thank you for the birthday card. It was awesome. Hee! ^^

Aaaaaannndd We're Back!

2006-04-11T14:50:00.000-05:00

I thought when I got back that this posting thing would be easy because there would be soooo much to post about. LIES! This is hard because there is soooooo much to post about. Where do you start? Plus, I don't have all of the pictures uploaded onto Flikr yet because I have to buy a pro account.....because I took over 300 pictures.....most of them of water. Seriously. Water.

Anyway, the cruise was a-maze-ing. There was much flirting and booty shakin' and singing and being generally rowdy minus alcohol. If you get a chance to take a cruise, take it. It's so worth it y'all. If you can MAKE a chance to take a cruise, make it. There's really no age limit. Nothing like jamming down with a cruisin hottie (cuz I totally did y'all. Leave the hubbies at home. Just sayin.) to Ludacris and doin a slow sexy booty swingin circle to face the 90 year-old dude behind me slammin around that new hip he got last year for Christmas. That's a good way to burst that we're-all-young-sexy-and-single fantasy bubble you may have had going during the dancing.

Then there was shopping. Y'all, if you take a cruise, plan to take plenty of shopping money or a really good credit card. I now own more jewelry than I ever have. It's all so sparkly and shiny. I'm surprised T let me back into the house when he saw the stuff I was wearing, much less when I pulled out the bags. Yes, there will be sparkly pictures to wow and amaze. As soon as I am brave enough to take them off for fear they will all disappear. Oh and I have to quit petting it long enough to work the clasp.

The first day was not so exciting. I will say the R*oyal Car*ibbean staff was outstanding in getting folks where they needed to go and doing everything in an orderly fashion. We were boarded by 2 pm and had plenty of time to explore the massive ship before we set sail at 6. There were no pictures day 1. I was honestly too busy looking to even think about the camera. Dinner that night was all about meeting the nice folks at our table and feeling the first rockings of the ship as we left dock. Then there was a welcome show and bed. Sleep was needed becasue we knew the next day was gonna be full.

Day 2 we were up at 8 am and headed for breakfast. Then I saw outside and breakfast waited for another 20 minutes as I saw my first real blue ocean water ever. It's amazing. I know that some of you may think I'm crazy and that's ok. Really. But if you have never been to Galveston or anywhere else along the Texas coast then let me explain that we don't have blue water. The water here due to the churning waters and amount of sand or something, is brown. Once you get into water up to your ankles, your feet are no longer visible. The sand here, is brown. The ummm....sky tends to be a little brown due to Texas City, Pasadena, and so on and so forth. So blue water? So cool.

So day 2 we had breakfast by the pool listening to a steel drum band play and watching people play in the pool. Then they had the cruise staff come out and get people dancing. I, of course, jumped right in there and boogied. Then there were audience participation game shows (where I won a big bottle of Kahlua mmmmm) and the casino and sitting on deck listening to the waves crash under the ship. It was so relaxing. Dinner that night was Herb Crusted Talapia for me and mom had Prime Rib. It was our first formal night so it was a lot of fun dressed up in our nicest. Then there was a Broadway style production called The Music Man that included music from Billy Joel, Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Ray Charles and Barry Manalow. It was pretty awesome.

After the show we went back to the room and I changed and headed off for the dance lounge. See, the Staff dancers and singers were doing ABBA and the Village People. Ya just don't pass up ABBA. Then they started the dance music, I got dragged onto the dance floor and boy o boy was it a good time. Until I get the rest of the pictures on Flickr, here at least are the majority of the pictures of day 1. Next post will be Day 3, Key West, Florida and Day 4. Yippee!!!!

It's good to be home.

Bonus Post or Why It's Dangerous To Let Me Blog Before Coffee.

2006-04-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

It's a Stalker Sing-A-Long!

<Sung to the tune Leaving On A Jet Plane>

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside my door
I hate to wake up early for anything

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The boat is waitin', it's blowin' her horn
Already it's too early I could die

So hug me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll blog for me
Comment like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a big boat
I sure hope that bitch can stay afloat
Oh, Stalkees, I'm glad to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've blogged around
I'll tell you now, those blogs don't mean a thing

Every site I go, I think of you
Every post I write , I write for you
When I come back I'll join your blogging ring

So hug me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll blog for me
Comment like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a big boat
I sure hope that bitch can stay afloat
Oh, Stalkees, I'm glad to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me read you
And close this site and I'll be on my way

Dream about the posts to come
When I won't have to blog alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

So hug me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll blog for me
Comment like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a big boat
I sure hope that bitch can stay afloat
Oh, Stalkees, I'm glad to go

Bon Voyage!

2006-03-31T07:45:00.000-06:00

Hello my Dear Stalkees! Happy Friday and here's to a full week of blogging from yours truly. It should give you something to have fun with while I am gone for next week. Which means no posts until I get back but by golly, there'll be some posting then! I finished the headband in plenty of time to go with and that makes me a very happy camper. Here' a pic of the finished product.

This is kind of a cool pic in that it shows more about me than I usually tell. You can see my daisy chain tattoo on my right wrist in this photo and the fact that I have a wedding band and a wedding set. The wedding set on my right hand was my mom's original set. It's a small diamond in white gold that cost my folks a whopping $50 in 1965. Mom got a new set on their 25th anniversary. My wedding ring was T's grandmothers ring so I'm pretty set for family jewelry. Here's a close-up of the headband.

Yes, it's a silver streak in my hair. Yes, it's natural. No, I am not old. I got that streak when I was 18 and in the hospital. So :P

Gaile over at Fidgety Budgie had a Stash Sale. We now love Gaile for selling gold at quartz prices. I picked up a couple of things and I will pause while you muster up a surprise face.

I got 3 balls of this wonderful sage wooly goodness (Schachenmeyr Nomotto Softwool) that will most likely become Dulaan hats because y'all, seriously, this is some nice thick stuff.

She also had a large lot (10 skeins!) of what she called raspberry colored (coloured for our Canadian Stalkees) Jaeger Matchmaker Merino DK and on her blog it did, indeed look raspberry. Then I got the package. Dudes. She must have some really rich raspberries in her area because I'm leaning more towards cranberry. It's gorgeous. It was going to go to my little sis in some form because she loves all thinks pink. Well, I think not, missy. Look at this color. I want to just roll around in it. I might actually have to crochet myself a cocoon out of this yarn and live in it forever and ever, amen.

Hooray For Packages!

2006-03-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

I love it when the postman brings me goodies in the mail. I get to take the Yarn Harlot on the cruise with me!

Alex says "Mommy can sneak me on as a bookend and the cruise people will never know! Who else will be such an adorable book stand?"

Because It's Wednesday, Dammit.

2006-03-29T00:24:00.000-06:00

That's why I am posting for the 3rd time already this week. Wednesday. Cuz you know, I stick to that whole Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule so religiously and never miss a post. So, what to do today? Ooh ooh I know! How about a picture of the headband progress? Yay! Here ya go.

The length is completed and all that's left is to join the ends and run an edge of single crochet stitches around to give it some body. The patter actually makes little X's along it. Not sure what I should call the pattern. Hugs & Kisses Headband? Caribbean Cruise Headband? What do y'all think? Here's a close up of the stitches. (Click to enlarge as always)

I'm really enjoying working on this (thanks for the idea Christina!) and it's going fast enough to hold my interest and since I am kinda making it up as I go along (not to worry, I took notes) it's not like I have to keep checking the damn instructions cuz they are all in my head. This will worry those that know me because, dudes, seriously? I have forgotten recipes of foods I have cooked before. I don't mean I have forgotten how many teaspoons of paprika it needed, I mean, I forgot I had ever made them and eaten them. Yeah. My memory doesn't exist. It's a sad life. Anyway, off to crochet more and play Guild Wars and clean and pack and possibly squeeze in a little World of Warcraft. Hell, I'm feeling spunky. I might even go kiss my husband.

P.S There's been some updating in the sidebar at Casa de la Stalker. There's the lovely buttons Christina made for me (finally) and I updated the buttons for my stalked blogs. I have a bunch to add to the list and I will get to it. Soon. Well, soon for me. :)

Beware The Hair!

2006-03-28T04:06:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness! Can it possibly be? Did Stalker Angie FINALLY post hair pictures? It's all so dizzying....do you need to sit for a moment? Perhaps a warm compress.....yeah, I'm being a pain in the ass on purpose. You caught me. I'm just so afraid you guys have worked yourself into such a frenzy that my hair is gonna be so....boring to you now. Should I stripe it pink first? Maybe get some spikes going? I don't know guys....I don't want you to see it and say "Damn. That was it? This is what we waited for 3 fucking weeks for?"

And yes, it's Tuesday and yes, I posted yesterday, but there will be no posting next week, my Dear Stalkees, for reason of which you all know and don't need to be dragged back up (5 more days! Hot damn!) like a smelly wart that was way cool when it fell off of your butt when you were 7. Cuz, when you're 7? Smelly butt warts are the best thing ever! Or so I'm told. I don't know personally or anything. Yeah. MOVING ON!

Look. It's me. With lots of hair even after a haircut. Enjoy.

My bathroom? Not yellow. The lighting? Not yellow. That picture up there? What the hell? No idea guys. None. Anywho! A back view! With camera on top of my head cuz I'm good like that. We won't discuss the 20 pictures I have of the towel rack next to me.

Told you my bathroom wasn't yellow. :P

Gaming Does Not Make For Good Posts.

2006-03-27T14:56:00.000-06:00

So, I spent most of this weekend gaming because I suck and I will slack at every opportunity. Plus, Guild Wars (there's a link over there -->) had a beta weekend for a new expansion that's coming out and anything new is a good thing. I also spent the weekend doing massive amounts of laundry so that all my warmer weather stuff would be clean and fresh for the upcoming (6 more days!) cruise and for some reason I seem to think it's all going with me. If it gets above 60 degrees Fahrenheit this week I am so screwed people. I am gonna sweat my ass off just to keep my laundry clean. Is this normal behavior? Which begs the question, "Normal for who?" Because, ya never know, that kinda crazy crap might just be normal for me.

I also had a conversation with Christina (link for the new folks) last Friday about making something for the trip. She came up with a lovely idea of a bolero jacket for the formal dress I am taking with me to wear. Great idea! Love the idea! I work a full time job and there is only 6 days left. Not gonna happen. She had also sent me some other ideas I liked and latched onto the headscarf like a door from the Titanic. Perhaps I shouldn't make Titanic referrences so close to sail date. Moving on! I was going to use a nice cobalt blue (this blue cotton yumminess) the do the headscarf and realized what a dumbass idea that was when everything I own for spring and is going with me is baby duck yellow, pink, sandy beige, peach......Spring colors. Cobalt blue? Not so much. Gorgeous for the black dress but not for anything else I own.

So off I ran to the stash and lo and behold I do have pink and yellow variegated sock yarn that shall be perfect for a headband on a G hook! Hooray! I started the headband and made considerable headway on it. I'll be finished for the trip. Christina suggested taking the bolero plan with me as my on board project. It is under some very serious consideration. Headscarf progress pics huh? No, I told you I suck. How soon we forget. It is, however, my own design so I may just post it if anyone is interested. My my, a Stalker original! Be afraid. :D