Wednesday, January 31, 2007

It's Alive!!!!

Hi! Ummm...look! I remembered my blogger sign in! Yay! Yeah so I've been incommunicado for a loooong freakin while but I have a really good excuse! As soon as I think of it I'll let you know. I guess things just hit me a lot harder then I expected them to. The last few months have been a serious roller coaster ride emotionally and I've gotten to the really bad point of avoiding everyone. I'm sorry. I seriously owe Christina the biggest apology since she keeps having my husband poke me in the shoulder to get my attention. I also promised her a post ummm....a week ago? Two weeks ago? Something like that. She was also sweet enough to make my mailbox do some really fun stuff and sent me a Chris LeDoux CD and some sugar free chocolate truffles (there would be a picture, but I ate them. Promptly. I'm depressed. It's chocolate.) so thank you, Christina. Seriously. I cried when I got it but in that "oh damn someone cares" way. I've gotten a lot of emails from stalkees (even the lurker kind) and I cried at every one of them. Hell, I'm crying now. I guess once you hit this point it's really hard to realize that people care and really, really hard to understand why. Damn this is hard to write. I'm trying not to pour too much of my heart out because I haven't posted in 6 weeks and the first post should not be a pity party but at least you know I'm alive.

I still owe Erin the worlds ugliest granny square. I haven't forgotten. I owe Christina some Guild Wars time and a lot of chat time. I owe Steph, Ryan, Erin, Norma and an ass load of others some serious stalking. I'll get there. I'll be back. I am bound and determined not to let everything bothering me win. I'm fighting back the best I know how so just hang in there for me. I have been working on projects but my one finished one can't be blogged until the recipient gets it because she reads the blog but it's what she wanted for Christmas. I just need to go see her. I just ordered some lipstick red and natural black baby alpaca yarn from Misti Alpaca so I can make myself a hat and scarf set. I think it will make me feel better. Hell if nothing else I can sit around and pet it. I'm working on a knit afghan (cuz I have nothing but time right now) in some soft chunky stuff so as soon as it's done it will get blogged. I haven't given up on knitting and crocheting. I seem to have given up brushing my hair but hey, dreadlocks are cool, right?

I'm just taking little battles right now. I get up and make my bed. I win. I take a shower and brush my teeth. I win. I remember to eat something today. I win. Little battles. I'll deal with the big ones later. I have successfully avoided an anxiety attack for 2 weeks now so that's a good thing. I'm trying not to over analyze what happened to the person that showed up in Austin for the Meet'N"Greet and became the person sitting here crying in a big pink gown, fuzzy slippers and a hooded jacket with messy hair, a pack carton of cigarettes and a cup of coffee. I'm going this weekend with my mom to see my grandfather in Oklahoma. I couldn't even talk to him on the phone at Christmas. I haven't seen him since my grandmother's funeral. I'll also be visiting her grave this weekend. It's gonna be hard but I need to do this. I'm taking lots of yarn.

I miss you guys. I really do. I miss the blogs and I miss being me. I miss the snarky comments you guys leave me when I do something stupid. I'll get it back though. I'm determined to win. I always have sucked at losing.

26 comments:

Cookie said...

There she is! :D

I keep thinking about you, but I suck, so no harassing e-mails from me.

You will win, honey. Brushing your hair would be a good starting point. :p

*hugs*

Sachi said...

:-)

Remember that crying over someone else's story helps too. You can always go back to my self-pity posts and bawl your eyes out. Who knows. You might learn something you didn't see the first time around.

Knitting and Chocolate are better than zoloft! said...

a post! yea!

Dear stalker, take your time in healing we will be here when you are ready. Ok maybe you could hurry up just a tiny bit though?

Seriously. We MISS YOU!

Christina said...

It's about time! I missed you!

And unless you're going to start talking like a pirate to go with the dreadlocks, you really ought to go brush your hair. And maybe wash it ;)

Hope you're enjoying the cd. (Also hoping that sugar-free candies don't affect you the way they do me. No fun at all.)

Anyways, keep in touch. We do care.

Angie said...

Hang in there Stalker Angie. I missed you. Thinking good thoughts for you from IL.

chris said...

You're alive! YAY! You must have heard me thinking about you this morning -- I was gonna email you when I got home tonight (synchronicity -- gotta love it!).

Ditto what everyone else said -- WE MISS YOU! Tons!

erin/pinkerbell said...

We miss you too. I realizedthat I have stopped looking over my shoulder to see if your there. It was kind of depressing to see you not there. I hope things are getting better. the granny square will be welcome whenever. :)

Carol said...

Here's a {hug} I can empathize. And we DO care, really.

Jennifer in Oak Par, said...

So glad to see this post! I check every few days realizing that you have more pressing things to deal with now. Hang in there - things WILL get better for you and yours. Don't be so surprized that so many of us care about you. You're intelligent, funny and talented. By the way - Ryan has missed you - when you catch up with her blog she mentioned it. Jennifer

JessaLu said...

Hi Angie :o) I usually just read and don't comment here (not sure why...sorry about that) but I wanted to come out of lurkage to give you a cyber-hug and tell you, as someone who is the 3rd generation in her family to deal with clinical depression, it will get better. I know you don't have the same kind of depression I have (or my mother, or my grandmother), but once you're in it, it pretty much sucks equally.

It will get better - and you are one of the strongest bloggers I read so I know you'll be able to pull through this okay. Okay? :o)

janna said...

Oh, hurray, a post! We really have been worrying about you. Hang in there, okay? (I know that's easy to say, but harder to do....)

Norma said...

Yes, please brush the hair. Because you don't want mice to take up residence in it. That would be a bitch. :)

KnitTech said...

I'm glad you okay. (Yes, I know okay is such a relative term.) I was beginning to worry.

You really should go see the group, even if you have nothing to work on.

Leeny said...

Yay! She posted! I've missed you, too, I love your funny, irreverant and snarky posts, heh. Baby steps, right? Sending good thoughts and hugs your way! Yes, please brush your hair now and then, it's beautiful!

Tracy said...

Here's a "glad to see you back" from a lurker. Hang in there! People do care.

Jennifer said...

So glad to see your post Angie. I've been wondering about ya !! Clearly, you're having some rough times right now. But you can do it. Just keep on with those small victories, and hopefully soon you'll be feeling more like your kick butt self. I don't know you, but i hope it helps in some way to know that your readers really do care. If I could, I'd give you a hug. Ok, this isn't making you cry is it ???? :)

Lisa in Oregon said...

Hiya Angie! So glad to see you back in blogland!!

Ah, depression, I know it well. Fell off the earth for awhile myself.

Hang in there gal....Lisa in Oregon

Nanc said...

Oh My Gaw! Oh My Gaw! Oh My Gaw! {frantically waving hands in air and around face} There's a post from S.Angie!

Baby, I'm glad you're back. Even if it's just a little to begin with. We're a patient sort (we can knit while we wait), and you're worth it.

And if you and your mom need a friendly knitting stop on the way up to OK... I'm just off I-75 now. I can pour us a cuppa.

Lee Ann said...

Duuuuuude! I'm so glad to see you post, even if it is to admit to dreadlocks and fuzzy slippers. Honey, we miss you.

Losing totally sucks. Eventually, the shampoo has to win. This, I know.

Keep on truckin'. I know it's not easy, but it sure beats the alternative. We're all here for you, no matter what.

Sam said...

Hey missy! So glad to see you're back. While I might disappear for a year or so you most certainly are not allowed to. Keep on trucking and take care of yourself. One step at a time.

catsmum said...

hey sweety
hang in there... we'll still be here ... but yes, brushing the hair might be a good idea ... and eating ... eating is a good thing too :}
missed ya
and no I haven't entirely forgotten that I owe you photos of the fish mat and british translation ... except I lost the original that I printed off.

Warrior Knitter said...

Yea! Angie! Red lipstick & yarn. You still got it. I'm in.

Childe said...

You're not alone - we're ALL here -
Welcome back -

Amysatx said...

Glad to see you back!! You have been missed!!

s t a c i said...

I knew you'd come back! Yay!

Julia said...

Come on Angie, Knitting and Blogging are good therapy and the blogging part at least is cheap. Sometimes a radical change is in order, after all, nothing changes if nothing changes. We're thinking about you.