Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A Good Day

Granted, it's only noon, but it's been a good day so far. I'm feeling up and positive because it seems like things are getting done. I'm not stressing as much about the job situation. T will still have his for a couple of months after me and I'll have unemployment coming in. I have time. I don't need to panic. Something will come along and it'll be good. If I apply somewhere and don't get a call, then it's not where I am meant to be.

T is finally on meds for HIS depression and stress and it's made life more bearable for me. He's in the middle of a really bad exacerbation with his MS and I'm doing my best to not let it drag me down. He doesn't need to see how badly I am taking this exacerbation. That's the hardest part about marriage or a partnership. You hold things in not because you don't want to share them but because you love them and don't want to burden them. We both do it. Hell, we all do it.

I just got off the phone with him and he just finished his first visit to a psych doctor. He sounds awesome. He's actually positive about going to this doctor. He likes what the doctor had to say and was very open about the visit they had. This is such a good thing I could cry with relief. There's hope there. He hasn't sounded this good in almost 2 years. My mind is doing cartwheels. My body is saying "Dear God maybe she'll get some sleep and relax now!!"

I have an appointment for tomorrow to talk to my doc about my meds, side effects and any symptoms I've been having that I forgot to mention before. I made a list this time. It's scary that I was able to make a fucking LIST. Lists are for groceries and things to do. Not symptoms. But that's ok! I'm accepting the fact that I cannot do this alone. I'm accepting the fact that I'm going to need meds for a while to get through this and that's it's not a permanent thing. I am accepting that pushing my friends and family away is not going to do me any good nor would it be very successful. It worked in the past. I have new friends now. They're as stubborn as I am. This is scary.

I also realize that stopping the blog would be a really dumb ass move. It's not just a way to connect with everyone. I feel better when I write out what I'm feeling or thinking. You guys make an AWESOME sounding board. I cannot thank you enough for the kind words and the advice. I need to keep reminding myself that I'm not alone, I don't have to be alone and that I'm not the only one that is going through, or has gone through, something like this.

Your comments have made me laugh and kept me going. They've made me cry and cope. Some of you have given me things to research and that's the kinda stuff I live for. Some of you (coughChristinacough) have called me a dork and made me cry not because of being called a dork, but because it's such a normal occurrence from that person, that it made me feel like things were going to be ok. Things are so out of whack with life and it's, I don't know, normal. I should probably be depressed that being called a dork is normal. It just makes me laugh. Cuz I am a dork. Also, now I am rambling. Also, being mushy, eww. Sorry.

So anyway, yeah. Having a good day. I have local friends who love me and worry about me. I have friends all over that buck me up, make me laugh and reveal my dorkiness to the world simply because I love yarn just as much as they do. You guys rock.

Hope you have a great day. See ya Friday. :)


BigAlice said...

Angie you totally are The Woman.
Rock on.

Aileen said...

As one of your lurkers, I just had to chime in with a hang in there and thank you for blogging. I take little breaks in my work day to check out the blogs and always enjoy reading your blog.

Christina said...

Eeek, mushy post!

I'm glad things have gotten a little better.

Hope your doctor appt. goes well!


Cookie said...

I always make a list before I visit the girlie doc. I never remember anything when I'm in that room wearing that lovely paper outfit and nothing else.

Life's too short to not embrace happy where we find it. *hugs*

Salihah סליחה صالحه said...

Came across your blog when looking for other knitters...hang in there, things will get better! Keep knittin' and I hope things improve for you. Sometimes we just need a little help getting through.


catsmum said...

angie girl...hang in there...but reading what you said in the previous post just maybe Prozac isn't the best choice of meds for you. I know you won't like the idea but maybe you should go back to the Dr and tell him how the drugs are affecting you. There ARE other choices.and btw I finished the fish mat! It looks great. Photo will follow as soon as I finish the chrissie decorating and get around to doing the english translation for you... or would you like the photo NOW?

chris said...

Ohhhh, girl, you don't know how glad I am to see a glimmer of hope in your eye (well, your post)!

And good on ya for making a list to take to the doc -- scary to be able to do that, I know, but it will help keep you organized! (I dunno about you, but I am always forgetting things to tell my doc when I do get around to going).


Carol said...

You're both doing the right thing. Seems it's helping you both too, just keep it up and remember, bad things are still gonna happen, you'll just have a better coping mechanism to deal! So glad to see you back!

Leeny said...

Yay! Seems like you and your husband can start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so glad you are both seeing hope now! Take it one day at a time and keep us updated, okay?