It pays for the yarn, it pays for the yarn.....

Ok, so first off the meme. Cuz this one just cracked me the hell up. It really did.

Google your name with the word "needs" and post the top ten results.

Angie needs….

10.) An agent to become an actress. (I’m ready for my close-up Mr. De Mille.)

9.) A bed! (Ummm…..I have one. Really, I do.)

8.) Some self esteem and self love so she can make her romantic decisions from a strong standpoint and not from neediness. (*giggle* see previous post and piss off. *snerk*)

7.) Beads! (Woot!)

6.) Your help. (But what do I need it for? Self esteem, a bed or beads??)

5.) To receive both emotional and substance abuse counseling. (I’m a bigger mess than I thought.)

4.) A hat. (Do not. I look stupid in hats.)

3.) That abnormally thick facial hair. (Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2.) A man. (I have one thank you. No woman is stupid enough to really want 2.)

1.) A night of blinding sex. (Yes. Yes I do. Don’t we all?)

Too fun. Thank you Erin!

Ok so……oh yeah! Work. What the Stalker does to pay for her internet access to stalk knitters with. I work for a company that writes policy management software for insurance agencies. My part of the job is really quite simple. I am in charge of the admin duties for the agencies on one of the applications we support (changing passwords, changing users, adding/deleting users, etc.) and I am also one of the few people on a new project to create an after hours service for our agencies to turn their phones over to during meetings or after hours. We’re like an answering service, but we have access to the policy information and can make some changes. Well, we typically have an influx of agencies sign up for this service during natural disasters so they aren’t over run with claims calls. Granted, disasters do NOT bring out the best in people anyway, but ferfucksake!

People will play whatever card they think they have to get their money quicker. They really will.

Caller: Hi my name is Jane Smith and I am 96 and my husband had a stroke 4 years ago.

Me: Ummm….Ok, Ms. Smith, how can I help you?

Caller: Well I need my insurance money.

Me: Well we recommend you call your carrier to expedite the claim process.

Caller: I am 96 years old and I can’t be making all of these phone calls!What the hell good are you? Why are you answering the phone??

Good question. Another issue I find is people just generally are selfish. Some are ok. I will get phone call after phone call from families who are patiently waiting on an adjuster because their home is GONE, obliterated from the face of the earth. They are homeless but they understand that the agencies are busy. Or they have been living in their SUV for a week and is there anyplace the agency knows of they can go until the carrier can get back to them? Or they have been out of money for 2 weeks but they hated to call because they know we are busy. I really feel for these people.

Then there are the ones I wanna stab. Their business lost 2 shingles from the roof and they want an adjuster that will cut them a check right this instant because they might end up with a water stain on their ceiling. These people typically scream into the phone. I cannot describe the feeling when you answer the phone and all you hear is “I was in the hurricane. Where’s my damn money?” Yes, they really do start the conversation that way. I also have a pet peeve that is horrible to have when living in the South. Southern gentlemen do this without thought and get upset if you get offended by it. Do not, in any sort of tone that might even be considered close to derogatory or condescending, call me a pet name. Normally this does not bother me. People call me hon or sweetie all the time. But these southern men…….I am not your honey, darling, sweetie, sweetheart, dear, or dumpling. Do not call me that or I will crawl through the phone and honey dumpling your arse. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Oh and the other thing that drives me bat shit. Names. I don’t care how many Swartinoski’s you have in your little podunk haven. I have never heard the name and cannot instinctively spell it. Also, if you are spelling you name over the phone, I have some bad news for ya. The letters B, C, D, G, P, T, V and Z all sound the fucking same. So do M and N. I promise. They really do. So don’t be upset when I repeat it and you spelled Davis, but I start out with B as in boy. It’s your own damn fault for not being specific. Oh, and if you have an easy name, please don’t spell it out unless it is spelled in some retarded way. If you’re name is Lynda, don’t get pissed cuz I spell it Linda. Seriously. I had one caller…I swear…. His name was Bob and his last name was something like Wasznowskiwinski. Yes, it is an exaggeration, you get the idea.

Caller: I need you to look up something on my policy for me.

Me: Ok sir, may I have you name, please?

Caller: Yes, it’s Bob Wasznowskiwinski. B-O-B.

Silence…….

Me: Can you spell you last name for me?

Caller: *Heavy ass sigh* W-A-S…

Well pardon the hell outta me, Bob. I guess in you’re part of Podunk, USA, Bob is pretty unfuckincommon. This happens more than you may think. Why people? Why does this happen? Why do make me want to hurt you?

Ok, I promise I am almost done bitching. My last bratty complaint is leaving messages. Why…..why for the love of all things wooly, do people SPEED UP when they get to their phone numbers? They will drag out a 10 minute voicemail with ramblings of why they are calling and how their call is the most important call I will take today and please for the love of insurance agents everywhere call them back…..then when they get to the phone number they are on speed and helium. They hand the phone over to The honest-to-god Chipmunks when they get to the part of leaving their phone numbers. Then I get to listen to the message at least 2 more times because I got the area code on the first pass. So the 2^nd pass I might catch the prefix and that just leaves the last 4 numbers. It’s like a game. How many listening sessions will it take for her to get the number? Only the shadow knows…..

The worst part is, I love my job. I love what I do. I even love most of the people I talk to everyday. So I shall soldier on and all that rubbish and just deal with the scum that seeps through occasionally. Besides, I have all you lovely people to turn to when I start going insane. :o)

Next post: Actual fiber content, including current projects, stash enhancements and just general yarn porn.

Hope everyone has a great day!