Thursday, February 16, 2006

Not a real post. Ok, not a post about yarny goodness.

Ok, I know I'm behind on posting. And yeah, the last 2 posts don't really count as posts. Usually when I don't post it's due to laziness. Ok, sometimes when I don't post, it's due to laziness. Other times I don't post it's because I am in a whiny bitchy mood and really don't want to spread it to the blogisphere. The rest of THIS particular post is probably going to cross the line into TMI, also it will be boring. Also, there will be large words involved. Also, there will be ugly words. So if you're not comfortable with a peek into the non-yarn related personal side of life, I promise there will be a much nicer softer post later and until then there's always cuddly puppies and kittens.

First off, I'm not writing this for sympathy votes or well wishes or condolences or anything like that. I simply want to explain why sometimes Ye Olde Stalker goes AWOL. Cuz I do. Go AWOL, I mean. Anywho, some of you already know this, but about 4 years ago, my dear hubby, T, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. For those of you who don't know what MS is, you can read the short version of it here. Basically, it's a very mean disease for those who have it and for those who live with those who have it. It is a degenerative disease that effectively destroys the nerve endings in your brain, spinal cord and optic nerves. T has a version of it called Relapsing-Remitting which is the mildest form you can have. Mild is deceptive. This disease really fucks with you. To top it off, the drugs for it fuck with you too. Seriously.

So T is on this drug called Copaxone which is like a daily injection of angry. T is not angry about his disease. He has taken it well into stride. But the medication he is on can cause mood swings. They do not tell you this at the onset of drug therapy. So T has a really short fuse when it comes to his temper. If he holds it in, the stress can cause his MS to flare up. Ya see where I'm going here? Huh? I knew you were smart cookies. This means T has moments of screaming rage. This means that about 4 days out of the week I get a shit sandwich for breakfast simply because I'm visible. I know what causes this. Usually I just sit and listen to him rant and rave and keep him from harming himself or anything expensive. Some days I lose it, scream back and leave the house. Those are the times I will not post. Those are the days I am angry about his disease and don't want to spread the ugly.

I can't explain it to others because my friends and family think he has been abusive towards me and that's so not the case. He doesn't hurt people on purpose. He has driven off friends before because they couldn't understand his disease or didn't want to. He simply has very little control over his emotions. He can't afford to hold them in too much because, again, stress = MS flare up which = T going blind in one eye or the other for a while. Which causes more stress. Yeah. Ugly ass cycle, ain't it? So anyway, I know folks get worried when I don't show up in their comments or I don't post for a while. Trust me, I'm there. I'm just lurking and being moody. Also, I am the Stalker so I am all mysterious and shit. Ok, yeah, it's just being moody.

This weekend will be us time with no outside influences unless it's the pizza delivery dude with extra cheese. And Dr. Pepper. In large quantities.

Monday = gross lovey dovey post due to Anniversary.

Wednesday = super cool new yarn and book acquisitions post that will make you drool.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!


Ye olde moody bitch. Heee


Norma said...

Hey, Ye Olde Moody Bitch: Chill. We're fine. We'll say hi when you're up for it, and we'll take it like grownups. We care about the Stalker. Capiche? I'm not Italian and it should hurt your ears when I say "capiche?" But I did it just to make you laugh -- I hope. ;-)

Sorry to hear about the hubster. Nobody needs that shit. So sorry.

Romy said...

Hi, I know that you're not looking for sympathy, but I just feel like I want to give you some. Thanks for your honesty and I wish you and T the best as you deal with this crappy disease.

I hope that you have a great week-end.

Cathy said...

Not offering sickening sweet sympathy (unless it's chocolate covered) but nodding in understanding. CO is MS state - don't know why but I always wonder about the mining leakage in the water. Did that make sense? If not, well, I tried. Have a good weekend and happy anniversary too.

erin/pinkerbell said...

Do what you gotta do, we'll be here. Just be sure to take care of yourself in the process, mkay?

Joan in Reno said...

Now that's something to look forward to.
Sheesh! Hope your weekend and anniversary are nice. I've got a load of platitudes for you, they're trite because they're true. But I'll spare you.

Sam said...

I know you don't want sympathy, so I won't give you any. I will try to give you understanding though, because that has got to be rough on a daily basis. You do what you have to do to get through daily, and we'll be here for you!

And pizza delivery with extra cheese? YUMMMMM