So yesterday was my Mom's birthday (Happy B-Day, Boo!) and I didn't forget, but it was late when I was getting around to calling her. There was work, we needed a new vaccuum, Tinker needed toys, and I needed fruit for some potpourri. (I'll give you the recipe for the best damn homemade potpourri that will have you drooling, if you want it.) Getting home, there was hanging of the toy for Tinker to play with, assembling the new vaccuum (alone since hubby was outside) and dinner. So as I was winding up to call Mom, my cell phone rings. It's my brother.
Bro: You need to call Momma.
Me: Umm, yeah I know, it's her birthday. Hi to you too.
Bro: Then why haven't you called her yet? I was the first one to call her and I'm always the last cuz I'm an asshole.
Me: Ok, no argument there. And dude, it's called "life." You should get one.
Bro: Well I already called Larry (our oldest brother) and left him a nasty message.
Me: You so need to stop sucking up. You're already Mom's favorite and your head is so far up her butt that if she turns too fast it'll break your neck.
Bro: *Laughing his ass off* Oh like you're not Daddy's favorite.
Me: Well duh, I'm the girl, but I don't kiss his butt like you do Mom. I bet you told her you were gonna call us, didn't you.
Bro: Hell yeah
Me: Suck up.
Bro: Whatever, just call her and at least ACT like you love her.
Me: Oh what the f*ck ever, dude! Who took her on a freakin cruise?? I did. She knows I love her, and besides, none of you called me on my birthday.
Bro: I did too.
Me: Nope. Not you, Larry, Mom and Dad, the in-laws...nobody.
Bro: Well, nobody calls me on my birthday.
Me: That's cuz nobody likes you.
Me: Cuz you're an asshole.
Bro: Oh yeah. Call Momma.
Me: I will when you get the hell off my phone.
Bro: Oh yeah. Ok, see ya sis.
Me: blah blah blah.
Bro: *laughter* Bitch.
Me: *laughter* Asshole.
Don't you just love family?