Happy Halloween!

First off,

That lovely collage of pics includes one from our dear Stalkee, Christina. The one on the left is her ranger in Guild Wars having some in-game Halloween fun. Thanks, Christina!

I did dress up for Halloween today, but the pics will have to wait. Cuz I don't have them yet. I'm supposed to be Raggedy Ann, but I so didn't feel like painting my face this morning. I hate anything on my face. So I was basically just cute. Heee! I did make my own shoes for this costume though. I crocheted some Mary Jane shoes and they turned out so freaking cute. People are trying to order some! I wanted to knit some since I have Erin's pattern, but i didn't have time. :( But! some knit ones are due.

In keeping with the holiday again, I have some very scary photos. These are more.....disturbing than scary really. I have mentioned before the size difference between T and myself. I have proof. I was goofing around one day and tried to grab his flip flops to run outside. My feet are tiny. His are...not so tiny. I give you, "I promise that is an adult foot in another adults shoe." And next to it is our grungy flip flops next to one another. Can you guess which one is mine??

Now, keep in mind that my shoe there is a small flip flop and I have lots of room around my foot when I put on the shoe. Mini feet. Weird. *shudder*

And now for yarn porn!! Yaaayyy!!!!There are some yarns I got off of Ebay that I absolutly love. Someday they too shall tell me what they want to be. The first one is a sport weight wool Called Maine. Both of these are hand painted yarns and I love the colorways.

Sooo pretty. The next one is my fav. I really wana do it justice when I use it. It's a fingering weight wool and the colorway is Spring. It's just....yeah. I take it out about once a day and play with it and smell it. Such a weirdo.


Next post, my Halloween costume and why the Stalker needs to avoid baggy clothing.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Hello again!

Ok I am totally whinging about how busy work is and no I shouldn't be posting at work but home is busy too. :P

*sigh* There is no yarn porn here. There will be on Monday. I don't blame you for leaving. *sniffle*

On the plus side, I am thinking Penny will be in a new home by the time I get off work. She has a foster home now and after this 60+ lb "puppy" has had 3 Lhasa Apso/Shih Tzu's to play with, she gets to go play with a 150lb Great Dane! I'm thinking she will love it. We're very excited for her and I look forward to having yarn stashed safely all over the house again. Glee!

Ok, time for Fun Stuff Friday! Not that I'll keep it up, but it's a thought. As of last night, Guild Wars has gone Halloween and it is the most awesome thing ever. I would have bought the game just for this. If you have it (Hint Hint Christina!) I insist you go play. You won't regret it. It rocks.

In keeping with the upcoming Halloween, I have something so very creepy...this site is not for the weak-hearted. If you are easily frightened, do not go here. If laughing so hard until you pee yourself is scary beyond words, then avoid opening this page at all costs. They look so proud.....*shudder* These are the people who almost took over the world.....the dominant sex. Hahahahahahah!!!!!

Next we have The Worst Halloween Costumes Ever. *snerk*


A real post on Monday. Seriously. There might even be me in my Halloween costume on either Monday or Wednesday. Be afraid......

Hope everyone has a great day!

Awwww......

Warning: This is a picture heavy post. It may take some time to load.

Ok, I know I promised more, but I gotta keep you coming back for SOME reason. It certainly isn't for my timely posting. This posting is all about the first crochet project I ever did. I made an afghan for my mother-in-law that didn't quite turn out how I had planned. Not always a bad thing.

Her house is done in shades of purple and green. It's everywhere. Sage and lavendar, moss and aubergine, hunter green and grape purple. It's really rather pretty. So I chose purple, sage and cream to make her a ripple afghan. I got pretty far into it when I realized my ripples were more like soft scallops and the colors were soooo not working that way. It was fugly. Fugly I say! And I suck at ripples. Or I did then. No telling if I could do it now, but why would I try? I never did like ripple afghans, why would I want to make one? So I decided a simple granny square afghan would do. I didn't have a clue as to how to make a granny square. Off to Google!

Do you have any idea how many different patterns there are for granny squares? Neither did I. Not a clue. So like an idiot, I chose some of the hardest ones I could find because they were "pretty". Duh. On the bright side, it taught me just about every stitch out there in crochet land. The challenge was born! Must learn new things or the Stalker gets bored.

Now, in choosing the squares I did, I didn't realize what a true idiot I was until I started finishing them. I know guys don't like to hear it, but size matters. Sorry fellas. It really does. Especially if you plan to take squares and turn them into an afghan. I had 6" squares, 7" squares, 10" squares, 11" squares and 12" squares.......huh??? So I just kept crocheting around them until they were roughly the right size. I went with roughly. I like roughly. Besides, I wasn't planning to join them right next to one another. I was gonna make up my own join. *Snerk* What a dork.

I actually had one square that took me 6 hours to figure out and another one that took a full week of twisting and swearing. Then it took another 3 days of laying out the squares and then moving them. Walking away, coming back and moviing them again. I then gave up and had my best friend come over and help me lay them out. She got it perfect in like 30 minutes. I'm still not sure how much I like her. She's sneaky.

So I crafted my join. Just looops. So freaking easy. I make loops and join them as I go. No need to be the perfect size! The edging I got from a baby blanket I found on the internet somewhere. I liked it just for that edging. So, without further ado, I give you Linda's Afghan.

You can click on it for a larger view. I really am proud of it. And it did turn out straighter than the picture suggests. It's on a bed. Gimme a break. Sheesh. :P

I am also posting little pictures of each square in the order they are on the afghan, starting at top left. Again, you can click on them for a larger view but I must warn you. My left boob is a camera hog. It kept invading into the pictures unbeknownst to me until I loaded the pics on my pc. Damn you breasticles!



And last, but not least, a closeup of the edging.



Next post, yarn porn and something fun.

Hope everyone has a great day!

It pays for the yarn, it pays for the yarn.....

Ok, so first off the meme. Cuz this one just cracked me the hell up. It really did.

Google your name with the word "needs" and post the top ten results.

Angie needs….

10.) An agent to become an actress. (I’m ready for my close-up Mr. De Mille.)

9.) A bed! (Ummm…..I have one. Really, I do.)

8.) Some self esteem and self love so she can make her romantic decisions from a strong standpoint and not from neediness. (*giggle* see previous post and piss off. *snerk*)

7.) Beads! (Woot!)

6.) Your help. (But what do I need it for? Self esteem, a bed or beads??)

5.) To receive both emotional and substance abuse counseling. (I’m a bigger mess than I thought.)

4.) A hat. (Do not. I look stupid in hats.)

3.) That abnormally thick facial hair. (Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2.) A man. (I have one thank you. No woman is stupid enough to really want 2.)

1.) A night of blinding sex. (Yes. Yes I do. Don’t we all?)

Too fun. Thank you Erin!

Ok so……oh yeah! Work. What the Stalker does to pay for her internet access to stalk knitters with. I work for a company that writes policy management software for insurance agencies. My part of the job is really quite simple. I am in charge of the admin duties for the agencies on one of the applications we support (changing passwords, changing users, adding/deleting users, etc.) and I am also one of the few people on a new project to create an after hours service for our agencies to turn their phones over to during meetings or after hours. We’re like an answering service, but we have access to the policy information and can make some changes. Well, we typically have an influx of agencies sign up for this service during natural disasters so they aren’t over run with claims calls. Granted, disasters do NOT bring out the best in people anyway, but ferfucksake!

People will play whatever card they think they have to get their money quicker. They really will.

Caller: Hi my name is Jane Smith and I am 96 and my husband had a stroke 4 years ago.

Me: Ummm….Ok, Ms. Smith, how can I help you?

Caller: Well I need my insurance money.

Me: Well we recommend you call your carrier to expedite the claim process.

Caller: I am 96 years old and I can’t be making all of these phone calls!What the hell good are you? Why are you answering the phone??

Good question. Another issue I find is people just generally are selfish. Some are ok. I will get phone call after phone call from families who are patiently waiting on an adjuster because their home is GONE, obliterated from the face of the earth. They are homeless but they understand that the agencies are busy. Or they have been living in their SUV for a week and is there anyplace the agency knows of they can go until the carrier can get back to them? Or they have been out of money for 2 weeks but they hated to call because they know we are busy. I really feel for these people.

Then there are the ones I wanna stab. Their business lost 2 shingles from the roof and they want an adjuster that will cut them a check right this instant because they might end up with a water stain on their ceiling. These people typically scream into the phone. I cannot describe the feeling when you answer the phone and all you hear is “I was in the hurricane. Where’s my damn money?” Yes, they really do start the conversation that way. I also have a pet peeve that is horrible to have when living in the South. Southern gentlemen do this without thought and get upset if you get offended by it. Do not, in any sort of tone that might even be considered close to derogatory or condescending, call me a pet name. Normally this does not bother me. People call me hon or sweetie all the time. But these southern men…….I am not your honey, darling, sweetie, sweetheart, dear, or dumpling. Do not call me that or I will crawl through the phone and honey dumpling your arse. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Oh and the other thing that drives me bat shit. Names. I don’t care how many Swartinoski’s you have in your little podunk haven. I have never heard the name and cannot instinctively spell it. Also, if you are spelling you name over the phone, I have some bad news for ya. The letters B, C, D, G, P, T, V and Z all sound the fucking same. So do M and N. I promise. They really do. So don’t be upset when I repeat it and you spelled Davis, but I start out with B as in boy. It’s your own damn fault for not being specific. Oh, and if you have an easy name, please don’t spell it out unless it is spelled in some retarded way. If you’re name is Lynda, don’t get pissed cuz I spell it Linda. Seriously. I had one caller…I swear…. His name was Bob and his last name was something like Wasznowskiwinski. Yes, it is an exaggeration, you get the idea.

Caller: I need you to look up something on my policy for me.

Me: Ok sir, may I have you name, please?

Caller: Yes, it’s Bob Wasznowskiwinski. B-O-B.

Silence…….

Me: Can you spell you last name for me?

Caller: *Heavy ass sigh* W-A-S…

Well pardon the hell outta me, Bob. I guess in you’re part of Podunk, USA, Bob is pretty unfuckincommon. This happens more than you may think. Why people? Why does this happen? Why do make me want to hurt you?

Ok, I promise I am almost done bitching. My last bratty complaint is leaving messages. Why…..why for the love of all things wooly, do people SPEED UP when they get to their phone numbers? They will drag out a 10 minute voicemail with ramblings of why they are calling and how their call is the most important call I will take today and please for the love of insurance agents everywhere call them back…..then when they get to the phone number they are on speed and helium. They hand the phone over to The honest-to-god Chipmunks when they get to the part of leaving their phone numbers. Then I get to listen to the message at least 2 more times because I got the area code on the first pass. So the 2^nd pass I might catch the prefix and that just leaves the last 4 numbers. It’s like a game. How many listening sessions will it take for her to get the number? Only the shadow knows…..

The worst part is, I love my job. I love what I do. I even love most of the people I talk to everyday. So I shall soldier on and all that rubbish and just deal with the scum that seeps through occasionally. Besides, I have all you lovely people to turn to when I start going insane. :o)

Next post: Actual fiber content, including current projects, stash enhancements and just general yarn porn.

Hope everyone has a great day!

TMI or Why The Stalker needs to learn what "polite conversation" is.

Ok, first off, some of you just need to drop the needles. I am not pregnant. Not for lack of trying, mind you. But I have to take fertility drugs to get preggers, so until I lose some weight, I ain't takin the drugs, so it's not gonna happen. Sorry. I know there was hopeful fingering weight being cast on out there. Your day will come.

I have some personal things to say in this post before we get down and dirty, so here goes.

Chelsea, congrats on winning the stitch markers. I will be mailing them by weeks end and I really hope you enjoy them! :)

Christina, Welcome back! Glad to have you back with us on the ol' interweb thing. Glad to hear Daisy is doing fine and I am waiting on the pic of the garter. Oh and your package will be in the mail by end of week as well. Hehe

Ms. Ryan and TMK, Happy Belated Anniversary!! It sounds like you had a good one and I cannot think of two people who deserve joy in their lives with one another more. Awesome post by the way, TMK. Just hope the Blog Mistress was able to get all of the Mac germs off of the blog. Heehee

Ms. Steph, I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I wanted to post to you when it happend, but it seemed to happen when I was emotionally raw so I just sat on my couch and bawled for you. My thoughts were, and are, with your family.

My Dorky Friends, I love the meme and will fit it in tomorrow next post. Erin the shoes are to die for and I must have some. The pattern WILL be mine. Mwuahahahaha.

Norma Dear, niiiice spinning there, hon. Very nice. Must resist the siren song of unspun fiber.

For those of you who are uncomfortable with hearing personal stories about complete strangers, the rest of this post is not for you. Come back tomorrow or the next day and check back. There will be too much info here. Last warning. I may discuss blood and mucus. Just saying.

I know a lot of you were concerned about me during my hideout time, and I really am sorry for making you worry. It was not my intent and I should have posted a short hiatus, but I couldn't even do that. After the hurricane that never came near us (I've had outdoor ceiling fans stir the air more), there were a lot of factors contributing to my.....well...it wasn't really a breakdown, it was more of a withdrawal. The hubby has been out on short term disability for 3 months (that is soooo not short term to me) and is driving me nuts at home. Work has been crazy due to the hurricanes (have I ever mentioned what I do for a living? hmmm), the game I play online to reduce stress has become an issue due to guild politics, name calling (we're all adults people!!), and general stupidity. plus one of the people I have really grown to care about on that game tried to commit suicide and there's not a thing I can do about it. So, I pulled back away from people for a while. But, I will blog more about those subjects later.

A week after the hurricane I also got sick as hell. If you could combine mild pneumonia with bronchitis and the flu, then that would be what I had. I was a walking snot factory. There was coughing until my bladder said "screw you, lady" and I spent time sitting on towels. There was coughing until I threw up. There was coughing until there was blood involved and the doctor said "Hie thee to yon hospital," and I replied "screw you, Doc. I'll die at home." (Did I ever mention I don't do hospital stays? Yeah. That's a story for my therapist.) I slept sitting up on my sofa so I could breath. I missed 4 days of work. And the clencher? I quit smoking. Ok, it was only for 2 weeks, but I did not have one cig for 2 weeks! Hey maybe that was another reason for being depressed and cranky. Earth to Stalker. Sheesh.

To top it off, all of the coughing finally loosened up everything within the uterus so I got to play female while being sick. NORma! See, I have PCOS. Sometimes I go for up to a year with no period. That means everything just keeps building in the uterus, so when I finally have one, it can last for up to 6 months straight and involve days of not being able to leave the house. Plus, for the first time in.....7 years? 8 maybe? There was cramping. Holy shit women do this every month??? No thank you. I'll take mine all at once with no pain, please.

Then there was dealing with half of the blogosphere being pregnant and I'm not, plus all of the pregnant people still being thinner than me. I've been obsessing about my weight lately. Normally I am a happy, little fat clam. Despite my obesity (that just needs to be in bold.) I am just really cute. Everyone says so. And I am. But I could lose 100 lbs and still be in the morbidly obese category. This is a scary thing. I'm relatively healthy as far as blood pressure, blood work stuff, heart rate....I'm just round. So that's had me kinda down as well. Not to worry. I am sooo over it.

Next post: a meme and why my expectations for humanity have been lowered. (Basically, I am gonna bitch about work).

Hope everyone has a great day!

Call off the dogs!!

Unassociated Press (UP)
Navasota, Texas
Wednesday, 10/19/2005


Stalker Angie, a.k.a The Stalker has been found after almost a month of missing from her online community. According to Miss Stalker, the last thing she remembers was "sumthin 'bout some big storm comin' round" and waking up in New England "somewhere." Eye witnesses claim to have seen Miss Stalker skulking about town until she saw what seemed to be a familiar face. Miss Stalker was found living in a pin oak in the backyard of one Norma Knitter. When asked about her unknown guest, Miss Norma stated, "That *&#$% is crazy. No normal person hides in someone's *@#$%^*@^% backyard! She's been staying so close to my pin oak that her body heat has kept the #^$@# thing from changing it's Autumn colors like it should. I hope they lock her creepy arse up for a while and make the internet safe again. I mean, really people. NORma!" When asked to comment on Miss Norma's statement, The Stalker just said, "She knits real purty like. Sometimes she hangs purty scarves in my tree for me to look at, too."

Miss Stalker turned herself in after hearing that Christina had finally gotten internet again and being poked and prodded by Miss Christina to update the blog. The following is her full statement:

Look, I got busy and lazy, ok? Plus I was so not in the right frame of mind to be in, like, contact with other humans. I've been depressed and cranky. Besides, I never really went away. I've just been hanging in the shadows. There has been blog reading going on, just no commenting. I now have so much to blog about there will be almost daily (like I could ever keep a schedule) updates for a while until I wind down or people beg me to shut the hell up. Plus there will be yarn porn galore, dead shrubbery porn and possiby some puppy porn pics.

Tomorrow, catching up on all of the personal business I have missed out on.